Men’s expectation

[Sparklesandspandexgallore]

Hi
Wanting others opinions.
A female relative of mine- late 20s, has just ended things with her boyfriend and I’m wondering if this is typical.
Some background: she has a very good career. Works for a global company as a manager, managing staff both in the country she lives and internationally. She is the youngest employee at that level and also in a predominantly male workforce. She has achieved a great deal in her career. She is also intelligent, kind, generous and very attractive, but not in a plastic bleached blonde/lip filler/botox way.
Anyhow my question is. Even though her latest boyfriend claimed to want an independent, intelligent, genuine, driven, motivated, hard working partner, when it came down to it he was more bothered about himself. He accused her of cheating whenever was abroad working. He told people that SHE was punching and he could do better, he insisted on knowing her body count, then called her single friend names when she had a one night stand, but said it was different for men.
This is not her only relationship. Her previous one ended when her boyfriend said he didn’t want to get married, have children etc etc. and he thought he had mental health issues. Next thing, he has met a younger woman - bleached blonde fake hair, lip filler, fake nails, fake tan etc etc and got engaged within 6 months of ending things with my relative. Again he texted her saying she was great, so motivated etc etc.
Long post but men saying they want someone who has a great career, is driven, intelligent, funny etc etc. is it all bullshit? Is what they want a submissive Barbie lookalike who will put them on a pedestal?
Yet I see post after post if men claiming they don’t want to be taken for a ride, want a woman who is financially independent but when they meet that person they can’t seem to handle it.

By the way my relative is not perfect. She herself had said she can be blunt and to the point, she had to be managing a team of men. All her ex’s have said that is something they admire , but really is it?
Do they just want to be mothered but can’t admit that?

Yes she has said onwards and upwards. I even suggested sperm donor as I know she would like a child. However she has said she really doesn’t want to be a single parent. I feel for her as she is a lovely kind person.

In my experience all cats are twats in some way or another....I love that about them. I think they are the embodiment of a perimenopausal woman who has decided that this is what they want and everyone else can just work around them.

Not making any sweeping assumptions about men though!

The whole dating world looks like it's a complete mess from the outside. Sounds like from everyone both sexes that it's really challenging to date at the moment. Everyone seems to be more self centred, have an inflated self worth, big checklists a partner must meet, are less loyal, and less patience to make a relationship work. I honestly think there will be a lot of single childless people in their 40s in ten years time.

I agree that dating is a mess. I’m single in my 40s and no children but I’d rather that than be with some fuckwit just for the sake of being in a relationship to have kids with.

A lot of men don't want a woman who earns more than them has the better job. They don't like the power and independence it gives her.

Everyone seems to be more self centred, have an inflated self worth, big checklists a partner must meet, are less loyal, and less patience to make a relationship work. I honestly think there will be a lot of single childless people in their 40s in ten years time.

agree

But you sound as if you think that there being ‘a lot of single, childless people in their 40s’ would necessarily be a bad thing.

Better, surely, than mired in unhappy relationships, with children growing up in a constrained and unhappy environment.

Also, I really hate the term body count, it’s disgusting and also none of your business! It’s just another stick to beat women with - men aren’t judged in the same way.

I have to say I agree that is sadly probably the correct stance.

No, there are decent guys who fully support their aspirational wives…and my DD is married to one of them!

They both have professional careers, but she is the higher earner. She is also studying hard for professional exams. When she’s in the throes of this he does all of the housework, cooking and home admin even though he also works full time as a teacher and when she’s not doing exams they do 50/50. He is genuinely proud of all her achievements and does everything he can to support her and to make her life easier. Her future earning potential is much higher than his but there is zero jealousy or anything other than working together as a team.

I don't think you can summarise "what men want" any more than you can for women.

But I certainly would never have been with anyone who was intimidated by my intelligence or other abilities or who had traditional sexist views about women, I'd rather be single, and was more than happy to be so, but met DH when I was 23 and always felt completely myself with him. Neither dd I want someone who earned a massive salary but who is a workaholic/did long hours and had no social life, ror a cocklodger. I've out earned DH most of the time we've been together (25 years) without doing very long hours, basically after I qualified in my job and any time I wasn't on mat leave, when when I was part time. He is definitely ok with that! He earns a good salary and we are similar in terms of intelligence but he's in a different sector which doesn't pay as well.

Yeah it's fine for those that want a career or to have life experiences over having a family and there is nothing wrong with that but for those who have always longed for a family it's a depressing prospect.

I do agree though it's probably best not to bring children into the world with this disposable modern dating world where it seems children more often than not end up being raised in broken families.

I think that the availability of porn and that boys watch it at such a young age has a bearing on what men look for - they want a woman they can do things to not do things for. Porn teaches them that is what a relationship looks like. Sex is all about them - expectation one which can be ingrained by early puberty.

Then you get all the women on here who work full time and pay bills 50/50 but have DH's who don't pull their weight. Some of these princes even say its because they are "traditional men" but its traditional in the home and not in the bank account. There was a survey in the Times some time ago when they got opinions from young men. Loads of them complained that their other halves got home from work and wanted to watch cooking shows on the TV rather than actually cook dinner. One was quoted saying "we work as hard as our dads but they don't cook like our mums" - says it all really - you may be working as hard as your dad but you aren't providing as well as he did so your wife needs to work full time too so then she is knackered and doesn't want to cook you a two course meal.

IVs all "me me me" - what can the woman do for me - not how do I build a relationship.

Well, we all want things we can’t have. If you are desperate for a family but don’t want to have a child by yourself, and can’t find an adequate partner, that’s immensely sad, but also something you need to come to terms with, like being infertile.

Londonmummy66 sadly I think that’s true.

This x 1000. For me it is better to have no children than have them with a man who wants a wife slave. I’m not going through that to perpetuate some mediocre genetic lineage. It’s sad but I won’t settle for a man who does not see or treat me as a human worthy of the respect he thinks he deserves. I also don’t want to participate in a system like this so my future daughters see it as normal and continue the cycle themselves. Feels like a MLM.

When young I out earned my then serious BF, he had a real issue with it. Wasn’t the only reason I ended it but was a major factor in how he felt plus this was 35 years ago when women out earning men was even rarer.

Feels like an MLM 😂😂 so true! (And extremely sad)

Golddigger has changed defination, once it meant a beautiful women who'd trade her good looks to marry a man with money, he wasn't important just his money. Now a lot of men seem to think you're a golddigger if you expect anymore than everything paid for 50/50. They like the idea of a high earning woman just so long as she'll also be housekeeper and childcare or will pay someone else to do it.

But there are also significantly fewer men who ,when being supported fully, are doing everything at home as a wife would be expected to do.

I agree, I said so in later posts.

The fear of being labelled a gold digger prevents a lot of women from seeking actual financial fairness or any sense of financial teaming. How many threads do we get on here from women who do the bulk if not all of the domestic labour, which often impacts on their earning capacity, or even on mat leave, but are still being bullied into paying half of everything or even more, lest they be called gold diggers?

There is certainly a far higher quantity of the children in the UK ( and world) being born to vapid women than intelligent women.
An awful lot of intelligent women are choosing to have none or very few children, where as women on benefits / low paid jobs are having them by the handfuls

Most men have no money to dig for these days either.

They dont have enough money on their salary to pay for any kind of luxury so what exactly do they think women ar3 digging for?