New horse friend is really pushy

[OneVividJoker]

I've got a horse.
A new lady moved onto the yard 3 months ago and we got along well. I had been warned that she was a busy body, so was careful around her, but still helped her to settle in etc. She seems to have a large aquaintance network, but I've registered the fact that the only real close friend she has, is the local gossip mongerer, who knows everybody's business and isnt afraid to share it.
During these 3 months she's grown to become like a stalker. Constantly messaging me throughout the day,, wanting to meet up, go out socially and then get our partners involved. She changed her visit times so that she knew I would be there, and followed me everywhere even to the tap to fill a water bucket. It got to the point where she was even whastsapping me when I was in the loo with "where are you"?

I've tried to explain to her that my husband has been really ill, and so is my Mother and I'm her carer. I've got health problems myself and never know how I'm going to be feeling from one day to the next, but she persists in trying to firm up plans and it's just so draining. I just want to cry out please take no for an answer! Im also finding money rather tight, which is something she doesnt, her OH having a sucessful business So she wants to go to expensive venues, that i cannot afford.

I've also got autism so struggle with crowded places and noise/change/ temperatures etc. She just doesn't listen, and I'm very uncomfortable in keep having to lay my life bare to someone who is a stranger really, having had evidence she is a gossip from hearing a few conversations she's had. I don't want my personal/financial situation broadcast to the whole yard.

I've never met anyone like this before, who is so unrelentingly persistent.
I've pulled back and refused invites (with good reasons) and now she's being decidely off with me. I have tried to explain my circs previously, but it's been futile.

Any advice? I don't like bad feeling, but then I cannot cope with what feels like a stalker either. It seems to have gone from good morning to 100mph in a short time, and the speed of it has made me feel somewhat wary.

Does she neigh lots?

Hi. I actually come here for some peace and quiet and am not interested in the things you are. So maybe it is best to be here at different times when I cannot even go to the toilet without you messaging me. It is all far too much.

Stop replying to her texts

This!

Don’t reply. In fact I would block her number and put your headphones on next time she’s there.

🤣

I've pulled back and refused invites (with good reasons) and now she's being decidely off with me. I have tried to explain my circs previously, but it's been futile.

She's being off with you now, and that's what you want
It's working just slowly slowly keep telling her no and keep pulling back. Just ignore her and mute her whatsapp chat and don't answer it.

Honestly, stop justifying yourself. Let her know that you have a lot happening and you find the constant texting intrusive, and don’t have the emotional space or the time to entertain it.

She's being off as a way of punishing you, to try to coerce you to do what she wants. This is a control tactic. Just letting you know in case it's helpful to have that explained. Ignore if you already knew that.

Can your yard owner help at all?
(You might be better moving this thread to the tack room board so as to avoid stupid responses from non horsey people such as the one up thread)

Are you stalking me from the travellers post? MN doesn’t like that.
Some comedian asked about neighing.
Not exactly helpful.
Horsey people understand yard issues.

Sounds really intense OP and frustrating she has changed her times to match yours. The yard is somewhere you can normally unwind and set your own pace.

I agree with the others, stop engaging quite so much. Tell her you’re not really someone who goes out. The pressure and expectations would annoy me too!

What the hell? I don't even read people's user names. God forbid someone make a joke.

Again, this isn't a horse/yard issue. It's a crazy woman issue. No horse knowledge necessary to advise.

Let her be off with you - she’s ruining your peace and you’ve had enough! She doesn’t listen so just stop answering your texts.

It is a perfectly sensible suggestion to move this post to the tack room. It's not like you are dealing with a mum on the school run - it's a completely different scenario.

Going to the stables should be about decompressing and spending valuable time with your horse. As others have suggested, ignore her messages and wear headphones. She will get the message eventually.

As an ex horse owner, I totally get the situation you are in, OP.

She's trying to punish you by being off, you've thwarted her previous attempts and now this is her attempt to have the final word essentially and control relationship going forward. Just hold your head high and ignore, show her it doesn't bother you and go about your day. She sounds like a controlling steam roller.

The irony that this poster has a username which “horsey” people know there’s no such thing as a white horse.

Options

1. contact the yard owner and say all of your original post and ask that they say to her to leave you completely alone
2. move your horse
3. message her and say that you are ND (if you want) and that she needs to stop messaging and contacting you and leave you alone at the yard and out of the yard. That you need her to leave you alone as you feel stressed and harassed. If she replies : repeat the message I need you to stop messaging me and contacting me - I need some peace from you. If she contacts you a third time you say ‘I have now reported the matter to the police’

you can do 3 in addition to 1 or 2.

Don't offer any more explanations. People like that don't listen and don't care.
Stop replying to the messages. Switch off the blue ticks on WhatsApp and last seen so she can't see if you've read the message.
Keep saying no to invites.
If she talks to you in the yard exchange a couple of pleasantries and then say "must get on now, so much to do" and walk away.

So what if she gets offended.
I've had 2 people like this recently. One of them lives in a house next to my place of work (this is a complicated story about where I work and what I do so I'll just keep it short). She constantly showed up wanting attention (because it often is attention seeking) while I was trying to get ready for a particular aspect of my work and butting into conversations which were very time sensitive to talk about shite.
Had to say "Please do not interrupt these conversations, we are working". She kept doing it so I kept saying the same, every time, until months later she finally got the message.
Keep it simple and keep repeating it and walk away (had to do this to this woman too as she kept following me trying to talk at other times too).

I had another one who was really pushy about going places with her and later when she moved away wanting me to go to visit her. Constant WhatsApp.messages and messenger (if she got no response on WhatsApp) plus passive aggressive comments on my social media posts "Oh, I see you've got time to do X but not come and see me". I'd had an operation which meant I was in no fit state to drive 3 hours to visit her and sleep on the floor.
I added her to.my restricted list on facebook so she couldn't see any posts, took blue ticks and last seen off and blocked her from seeing my WhatsApp status (which I don't use often but sometimes share events I'm involved in or other local events)
Then I just started replying less and less, a slow fade out.

I think these people do eventually get the hint but they do tend to make a drama out of it before they give up. You just have to ride it out and realize that their behaviour is the problem not yours and it's ok to put boundaries in place and assert them even if the other person does not like it.

Never worry about upsetting people who don't worry about upsetting you.

Id move the horse !

Yeah, op, just be blunt but polite 😭 x

There was a famous tv programme of this name in the sixties.
The name is a reference to that!

I think with someone like that some bad feeling is inevitable unless they get their own way all of the time. I appreciate how uncomfortable her being off with you is making you feel, but try to ignore it and enjoy your time at the stables. There’s nothing you could’ve done to appease her that wouldn’t have been bad for you so try to shrug it off

@OneVividJoker this woman only has one friend because she won't take No for an answer and everyone gets fed up with her. Just keep saying No, she'll get the hint and leave you alone eventually. Don't feel bad, she has no right to take over your life

Just say 'Neigh' when she asks you things, or gallop off ..seriously be brusque and say you are busy.