What age is appropriate for a child to attend a funeral?

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Grandparent, it wasn’t unexpected and they saw them a few times a year.

primary school and sensitive. Please let me know any advice on what age this is appropriate.

many thanks

At age 9, for a grandparent they only saw a few times a year, I wouldn’t let them go.

Any age. I went to loads of funerals as a child and my much younger cousins were at our grandparents' funerals. Never knew there was considered a minimum age for funerals until I was on Mumsnet.

It depends on the relationship. Someone they are very close to the funeral may help them manage their grief. But for a more distant relative I’d say 10.

Super personal case by case basis. Not helpful l know but that's my take on it

Sorry for your loss x

my grandparent and uncle both died when I was 8 and I didn’t attend the funeral. When I was 12 a boy in my class died and a group of us attended the funeral (no adults with us) . It was my first funeral, in fairness to my parents I asked to go but I don’t think I should have gone.

I didn't go to the funerals of any of my grandparents ( I was 14, 15, 16) mainly because my parents wanted to grieve without having a teenager in tow. I wasn't terribly close to any of them.

I completely understood this and was ( and still am) fine with it.

My children were 9, 7 and 5 when my Mum died, they all went to the funeral and were fine. I think it’s important for children to see adults when they are sad and how you manage grief.

My DD2 was 8 when she went to her grandads funeral. You could say he only saw her a few times a year, but when he did see my DDs he was a fun and engaging grandparent.

She was a few years younger when she went to her great-grandmother's funeral. But she stayed near the door with my MIL in case she needed to leave.

I'd take a child of any age who wanted to go. I can't see what the issue is.

I think it depends on the child. Is it in the best interest of the child to attend and how will they benifit from going? I also think it depends on your family / community. If you know that people will be hysterical or very distressed then no.

Depends on the child definitely. My sister died recently of cancer but it was a very quick deterioration and shook us all. I took my DD age 7 to her funeral but my DH had to take her out as she got so upset and distressed in the middle of it that her auntie definitely was never coming back and it made her realise that tomorrow is not guaranteed for want of a better way of explaining it. I wish I left her with my friend who looked after my DD aged 2.

Edited to say that she is a particularly sensitive child but said she wanted to go.

My dc attended their grandpa's funeral as 9 & 11 Yr olds. It was during covid so numbers were restricted. It was the right thing for them to go ....

Whatever age they want to go at?
DC were 6 and 10 when DH died. I asked them if they wanted to go, but had to explain the concept of a funeral and what would happen so they could decide. DC1 changed her mind a few times over the weeks but they did both come. A few years later, they again had the choice whether to attend a grandparent’s funeral. If you want advice on explaining funerals to a child, Winston’s Wish website is very helpful.

I’d take a child of any age.

Depends on the funeral. I took my DC who were 2 and 5 to a funeral last year. But it was a relaxed family only thing at the house of the person who’d died. The rest of the family would have been upset if I hadn’t brought my children.

I took my 9 year old to their grandparents funeral. It helped with saying goodbye and hearing lovely things about their life. I think it does depend on the child and circumstance. Sadly death is a part of life

I was 6 at my dad's. I'm still not happy I wasn't allowed to go to the cremation. I wish I had.

I took my dd to her first at 16 months.

Mine has just been her first funeral, her great gran, she’s 8, very nearly 9. She wanted to say goodbye.

have a look at Child Bereavement UK. Lots of useful advice & videos to help you explain death & funerals to children and how to support them going forward.
keep talking to them and recognise children dip in and out of grief unlike adults there’s a great video that explains it … Puddle Jumping.

DD1 attended great-grandmother's at 5yo.

As they lowered the coffin down she said in a loud stage whisper "look, it's a perfect fit!"

It utterly depends on the funeral, the relationship, whether other close to the deceased mourners will be pleased/ upset or won't care...

When my husband's grandmother died in her 90s her only surviving child - FIL - wanted all his grandchildren/ her great grandchildren there. The kids did know her but were only 8, 6 and 3. We took them to the whole thing - service, grraveside and wake - the 6 and 8 year olds behaved completely appropriately and FIL wanted them to scatter soil on the urn, which was buried, and which they did with FIL, DH and their uncles - they were somber at the service but not upset as we'd talked about it in advance and although she'd been in good health until only about six months before her death, those last six months were clearly the end and everyone was prepared, plus she was very elderly. All the children were mentioned by name several times during the service - they mattered to their great grandmother even though she only saw them around three times per year due to distance.

I had to take the three year old out of the service as he started singing 'The Wheels on The Bus' loudly during the first hymn, but fortunately given the context this made people smile - still I took him out straight away. At the graveside he was quiet until the officiant mentioned saying our last goodbye, when he unexpectedly blew a loud kiss and waved it towards the grave - again in the context people were indulgent and said she would have loved to know he did that. At a different type of funeral it would have been mortifying but it's still reflected on fondly now (which is embarrassing as he's a teenager!).

All the children attended their grandmother's funeral too at ages 5, 8 and 10 - that was a much more upsetting funeral as she died quickly and unexpectedly in her 60s, but again the key people wanted them there, she'd longed to be a grandmother and tried so hard to live to see our youngest start school (at 6 wherecwe live) and not made it - there was no question of them not being there. The youngest was able to behave impeccably for the duration of the funeral at 5 and all of them completely understood what was happening.

So I'd say 5 tbh and younger if it's appropriate to the context of mourners and type of funeral and relationship.

There's a good reason for rituals like funerals as a part of processing death and honouring the deceased and I'd say it's often helpful to children and wanted by the deceased and other mourners, but obviously to be decided sensitively on an individual basis.

There is no inappropriate age.

Our children, one toddler and one year 1 aged child, recently attended their great grandfather's funeral. Their cousins are similarly aged and also attended. But we are very open about discussing death and grieving in our family because their older brother died so it isn't something we can avoid as a family.

Death shouldn't be taboo.
Grief and feeling sad is normal, it's healthy for children to know this.and to witness adults expressing these feelings, especially in the context of a funeral where it's expected.

But also, you are their parents and know them best. Do what feels right for you and your family.

I absolutely would bring mine to a grandparent’s funeral (assuming they wanted to go). My youngest is 7. My eldest went to her great-grandfather’s funeral when she was 2. She also was with us when we sat with him at home when he was dying. Obviously, she has no memory of that now, but I have no regrets about her being there.

My DD came to my DF’s funeral. She was 7. We asked her and said she didn’t have to come. She wanted to. It was closure for her as she was close to him and he adored her. She was so grown up and graceful. I was really proud of her.
My Uncle died when I was 9. I was deemed too young to go to the funeral but I really wanted to. He was one of my favourite uncles.

Any age for a grandparent. I can't imagine not including them. But you know your family and your child. It's what feels right to you.