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Original poster

What age is appropriate for a child to attend a funeral?

76 replies

Hbdbdbfbfb · 08/08/2025 18:38

Grandparent, it wasn’t unexpected and they saw them a few times a year.

primary school and sensitive. Please let me know any advice on what age this is appropriate.

many thanks

OP posts:

groma · 08/08/2025 19:05

I remember not being allowed to go to my grandparent’s funeral when I was in junior school. I felt everyone else got to say goodbye but I didn’t.

My child went to their grandparents’s funeral at a similar age.

youalright · 08/08/2025 19:10

I would explain exactly how a funeral works step by step explain their will be a lot of upset people and then give them the choice and make sure they are aware either choice is ok

youalright · 08/08/2025 19:12

MoreThanOverwhelmed · 08/08/2025 19:02

My DH passed recently & I didn't give my DC (9yo & 7yo) the option as I felt that they'd regret it once older. My 9yo nephew, however, was given the option and elected not to go (which was absolutely fine IMHO) but he had previously been to his grandparent's funeral.
I remember attending Great Gran's funeral at about 9yo & was very glad that I had. My siblings would have been 6yo & 3yo.
What I'm trying to say is there's no right or wrong, it's up to the child.

I agree i wouldn't give the child a choice for a parent or sibling but everyone else including grandparents i would make it optional

Ladamesansmerci · 08/08/2025 19:12

Any age imo is fine, as long as the child is happy to go. It's a normal part of life.

Notmyreality · 08/08/2025 19:13

There is no inappropriate age.

At 9 it would be a good learning experience. Attempting to shield “sensitive” children from the world does more harm than good in my experience. Take them. They may surprise you.

PaddlingSwan · 08/08/2025 19:13

When they ask to go.
I went to my first funeral when I was 15. Not a close relative, but a very old family friend. Had to ask for the afternoon off school (lower sixth). It was very sad, but I thought about what this person would have wanted me to do, so I stood up and sang the hymns, loudly. My mother more or less collapsed. Daddy was like me and sang.
The hammer came a few days later, when the husband came over to give me a 16th birthday present, which she had obviously planned. Much worse than the funeral and I still have the present (66 now and it was an address book).

Rituelec · 08/08/2025 19:13

For elderly grandparents I have taken mine from 4yrs

Meadowfinch · 08/08/2025 19:14

Secondary school and only if they want to go.

I didn't take ds, aged 3.5 to his sister's funeral. It would only have frightened him. He wasn't old enough then, to understand, and he doesn't regret it now.

Gmala · 08/08/2025 19:14

Also Irish, from birth is pretty normal. I've been to more funerals than I can count and it helps that they were normalised for me from a young age. They are normal and I think children shouldn't be shielded from life. Your kids definitely sound old enough. I'm sorry for your loss.

Catsandcannedbeans · 08/08/2025 19:14

I’ve only ever been to one and it scarred me for life. I was 6 and my grandad died, they took me to the chapple of rest and said he would look like he was sleeping… he definitely looked dead. I didn’t go to my other GPs funerals, my nan who died of cancer explicitly said she didn’t want me there because it’s not a place for children, and for my other grandpa I only went for the wake.

If your child is interested in going I would sit them down, explain start to finish what it entails, and ask if they want to go. Personally, if one of my parents pop their cogs anytime soon I’m only taking the kids (6 and 4) to the wake.

m030978 · 08/08/2025 19:15

My DS was 7 when my Grandad died, he understood, wanted to be there and actually was fabulous.

He's been to several since then, of his own choice.

He's now 17 and recently did the reading at his Grandad's funeral.

He's sensitive, but mature, and understands funerals are as much a part of 'life' as Christenings and Weddings.

WorthyOpalZebra · 08/08/2025 19:16

Mine have been to funerals aged 10 plus but didn't really understand the significance until they were in their teens - I remember DD1 being totally shocked at how emotional she was at her great grandma's funeral aged 17. They were crematorium and pub based gatherings. My niece came to my mum's burial aged 11, and I think my brother underestimated how awful it would be for her.

CountryGirlInTheCity · 08/08/2025 19:17

I wasn’t given the option when my grandad died (I was 12) and I struggled for ages with not having closure because he died suddenly and I had no opportunity to say goodbye.

It also depends a bit on how the funeral is structured. Is it just at the crematorium? In which case you might want to think about whether the coffin is going to slide off behind some curtains and how you’re going to explain that to your child as it can be scary for young ones. Or is it a burial? In which case you will want to have discussed what it will be like gathering around a coffin in the ground. If it’s a funeral with two separate parts ie a cremation or burial after a church service, you may want to consider just having your DC at the service part. Whatever is planned it seems important that your DC knows what to expect and why it’s done like that. Also to make it clear that it’s fine to ask questions afterwards if they have concerns or queries. Children can think that they mustn’t say anything because it might upset someone and they’re not used to seeing adults cry. Normalising emotions around death is a very healthy thing for children to learn. If you decide not to send your DC it might still be helpful to talk through what happened and why so it’s not some awful mystery that they weren’t allowed to be part of for a reason they don’t quite understand.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 08/08/2025 19:19

Any age is appropriate but it depends on the child and their relationship with the deceased of course. I lost a dear friend to cancer and her 3 children aged 5 - 9 were all at the funeral, I can’t imagine a situation where anybody would have suggested they were too young for it.

Nextdoormat · 08/08/2025 19:20

Personally I didn't let any of my children go to any funerals at all. I was concerned about them seeing ppl close to them upset, and those people feeling that they should be brave in front of my children.
Last winter my BIL died and my youngest now 21 and his older brother31 helped carry the coffin and my daughters23 and 33 sat either side of me. All were very shaken and it confirmed to me I made the right decision when they were younger.

Rainingcatsandmice · 08/08/2025 19:20

My son went to his Grandfathers funeral age 9 (but very nearly 10). It was his choice. He also wrote and read a poem. He is very sensitive and emotional but it was the right choice for him.

thecomedyofterrors · 08/08/2025 19:21

My children attended a grandparents funeral recently, they’re 5 & 3. They’re used to sitting in church and had a vague understanding of the day. I knew it would be fine for them to be there but other children that age might struggle. Child by child basis.

Throwitawayagain · 08/08/2025 19:21

I was 6.
My youngest was 8.
Both fine, the right decision. Take your lead from what your DC want.

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 08/08/2025 19:24

Funerals are our way of bidding farewell/ saying goodbye. This is a grandparent and does not sound like a tragic death. Let your son go.

Danikm151 · 08/08/2025 19:25

I was 8 at the time of my grandad’s funeral. I’m 34 now and I still remember how I felt.

During the ceremony I was sad that Grandad was in the coffin and the curtains closing felt like the door closing on him. We didn’t really talk about death but I knew what it was. I was very upset. I was just hugging my nan most of the time. If I hadn’t gone though I think that would have stuck with me.

My nan died a few months ago and my 5 year old was very close with her. It was hard to explain to him what death meant. We didn’t have a funeral but had a family gathering and meal to celebrate my Nan. I took him to that but I didn’t take him when we scattered her ashes.

TomatoSandwiches · 08/08/2025 19:25

I would say it's suitable from the start of secondary school in general, obviously depends on the child though.

Travelfairy · 08/08/2025 19:26

I'm Irish, children here attend from any age really. I personally dont agree with toddlers, very young children attending only because they can be disruptive in the church or crematorium. My DD attended my Dad's funeral at age 5 and several funerals since but I understand our culture & customs very different to UK. I recently attended a funeral in the UK, the grandchildren were 10 & 7. I assumed they would be there but parents said it wasn't the place for them and most of the guests were nodding in agreement that it wasn't the place for children. A random person or a distant relative, no. Immediate family, yes.

My DD had a school friend die at only 8, we didnt attend that as I felt it would be too much. But a 9 year old I would definitely suggest they attend. Funerals can be useful in processing grief. Sorry for your loss x

Crunchingleaf · 08/08/2025 19:30

FriendIsAngry · 08/08/2025 18:50

I’m Irish so from birth,

Came here to say same.

Ajis32 · 08/08/2025 19:31

I think it depends on the child and relationship.

My children were 7 and 5 when my Grandparents died. They died months apart. We were very close to them, visited weekly and my children had watched their health decline over the years. As a family we are open about life and death.

When it came to the funeral if my children should go or not caused a rift between me and DH as my 7yo insisted she would be going and he didn't think its appropriate for kids. I let my 7yo go to my grandmothers, and both children were at my grandfather's (quite honestly had no option as no childcare for the littlest). Both did amazingly well, they took a lot from it - they enjoyed hearing all the stories and the celebrants readings from families accounts. I think it really helped them come to terms with their death and be part of their farewell.

yousillygoose · 08/08/2025 19:33

I went to my first funeral when I was 10, in year 6 and even did a reading.
It was my grandad and I’m glad my parent gave me the opportunity to go.

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