What will I do tomorrow.

[Pinklittlebaby]

The past few months has been so stressful for me. My work needs me to become certified and they had me working on an online course.

I enjoyed the course however it was so stressful and hard din the sense that my work was hard physically with the hours and my family also didn't respect this.

I had some extremely stressful incidents and long hours within my work. Then there was family. I have family home from abroad and I love them but it was so hard because they are on holiday mode. It broke my heart too because I don't have a lot of time to go and spend time with them. I do my best but sometimes it's never enough. My nephew and niece wants to do things with me.

I am not in a holiday mode. I still have work to do and then I have study and assignments to do too.

I do aim to try and get one day in the week to spend with them if not two and I try and spend time with them.

I spent two days last week with them followed by another half day on Monday.

I am getting begged a lot not to go to work and not to study too.

I am nearing the end of my course with assignments to submit this weekend with the deadline being midnight Sunday with more the following weekend too. I think I might be on track to submit this work this weekend.

It's now Friday evening and I will have to work late tonight but I don't know what time til.

Then it's Saturday and Sunday.

The last number of weeks has been so hard for me with so little time off too. If I am not working, I am doing course work or focusing on family time and I have very little time for myself.

I have some work to do with my assignment for this weekend too. I need to clean up some paragraphs. Double check the citations and work on the referencing page.

It shouldn't take me too long.

I know my nephew/niece will want me to spend time with them this weekend too and I would love that.

However I am stressed and anxious about the deadline for my assignment.

Last weekend was a nightmare when it came to studying too. They kept coming into my room along with my mother who is likely senile.

I am thinking for tomorrow, I could try and get up early in the morning, pack a pack back of stuff and go into the library and get this stuff done. Then I could spend Sunday with my nephew/niece - playing with them and taking them out for the day.

Also tomorrow, I could go to the library for a few hours and work on what I have to do followed by maybe a meal out in a restaurant and a glass of wine and just get some down time for myself.

The other option is to spend the day with family tomorrow and go into the city on Sunday morning with my work and sit down in a hotel lobby because the library will be closed on Sunday. This option fills me with anxiety for a few reasons. Likely a day spent with family will never be enough on Saturday and they will likely still want my time on Sunday.

Life for the past number of weeks has been crazy. Rushing meals, eating standing up and just animal type of behaviour due to so much stress.

I literally c/p all my references into the last page of the document as i wrote it.

I was one of the few people on every module i did that never got picked up for poor referenching, and was never running around last minute looking for the ref sources

There was no way I would have been able to do what I did yesterday if I stayed at home. I just would have got too much disruptions. I did make progress with what I did however there's more to do today. I think I am on track.

I was planning on leaving again today but I don't think I will be able. The adults are all f*cking off and leaving me to babysit.

I will see if I can get an hour of work done now before people will start getting up.

go out before they get up. They show you zero consideration, return the favour.

Tell them you'd love to but can't spend time with them on this visit. You have immense pressure at work which is of vital importance to your career. You can see them at other times but this can;t wait, so it has to take priority. If they love you, they can show it by cooking for you and keeping out of your way.

I was planning on leaving again today but I don't think I will be able. The adults are all fcking off and leaving me to babysit.*

I hope you did head out - the adults responsible for these kids dont get to just abandon them on you without your agreement. And you should not be agreeing when your coursework depends on you getting out.

It's too late now - I hope you submitted what you needed to.

Maybe you need to consider some counselling on your people pleasing nature - the impression you have given here of both your family and work is that they trample all over you and you not having the skills to say actually my needs are important too.

I did not have a good day yesterday at all.

I did not agree to the babysitting. The adults gave the children a choice in what they wanted to do for the day and they decided that they didn't want to go touring for the day and to stay at home. Then that was it for them. They decided that for me for the day without even consulting with me.

I was able to get some work done cleaning up some answers and I finished the citations and the the referencing page. But it was done in sections throughtout the day.

I then ran it through the tool the college gave it to view it for sections of texts that could be copied from somewhere else so that came back good for me. There was a few sentences I had to change about because it came back as used before but nothing too heave. That was late last night at about 9.30. I had til midnight to submit my work. I was getting nervous then.

The children were misbehaving about going to bed and this was causing a senile old age huge tantrum in my mother.

F*cking hell.

I then ran into a problem with the word documenting and turning it into a pdf file. I was able to export it to pdf but when I opened it as a pdf there was a lot of issues showing in relation to many things being mis aligned.

Soni had to take a note of that and go and edit my original document in and effort to clean up the final piece. It took me about 15 file exports all in all for the god dame fucking thing to behave.

All while the clock was counting and there was temper tantrums left right and centre of me.

Then the adults came back drunk.

I got my work submitted in the end and in time but it was so stressful. One thing is clear nobody understands what I have to do and or even cares. Everyone showed a huge lack of disrespect for me. All weekend.

I am not happy seeing what I am seeing too every evening. The adults are trying to relax and unwind every evening or every second evening using alcohol but then it's the children that are affected by this. They are hardly making time for them and then they are trying to push this responsibility onto me even though I still have work to attend to. This is the problem. They are not engaging the kids with stuff while banning too much screen time. Then there is the hungover mornings another push of the children onto me with no consideration for me or my stuff.

I love my niece/nephew and I live spending time with them and I have loads of fun with them but this is so hard. I am not on holidays. I still have my own crap to do.

If I was a man I would have been respected more. I swear to god. I would have been allowed leave in my room while tea and coffee and food will be served to me.

I wasn't trying to please anyone. It was everyone taking advantage of me without evening asking me.

When I was away on Saturday doing my work, I arrived home late. My mother told me the children were pining for me all evening and they even went outside to look down the road to see if I was coming. The adults drinking in the back yard with no consideration for their children. Just expecting aunty to come home and take over the childcare. This is what's happening.

But you are going along with it instead of saying “No, I can’t babysit today, I have work I have to get done.”, “No, I told you, this isn’t a shopping trip. I can’t run errands for you today, I have work I have to do.”, etc.

And of course the kids are pining after you if their parents are ignoring them. But this isn’t your problem. Next time they try that on, snort and say something like “hardly surprising if you’re all boozing it up in garden. Anyway, I have to get some sleep, I’ve been burning the candle at both ends with all this work I have.”

Having good boundaries isn’t a matter of choosing them and then watching everyone else be considerate of them. It’s a matter of you constantly reinforcing them. Over and over. When you do it enough others tend to eventually realize you aren’t just going give in and stop trying it on as much, but mainly you just get much better at saying No. so it becomes second nature and isn’t nearly as much energy, or stress, to say no. (Plus you aren’t run ragged trying to fulfill everyone else’s ideas of what your priorities should be).