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Life seems too good

67 replies

Earlyriser999 · 08/08/2025 05:40

My life seems too easy, don’t know if I’m in for a shock at some point. So many seem to be burnt out and looking forward to retirement, also talking about the country being shite, and I just can’t relate at all.

What’s prompted this post is a senior at work retiring (early, maybe 57) and belly aching from others saying they can’t retire due to mortgage or expenses. I tend to go along with the chat for smooth relationships but inside I squirm a bit. I bought a property early 20s (in the 2010s). When I bought I overpaid on the mortgage a lot. I inherited late 20s after death of parent and paid off the mortgage and had some besides so invested elsewhere. I’ve not had a mortgage for well over a decade.

My siblings decided to upsize with their inheritance. I didn’t because paying off the mortgage just seemed easier - the cost and hassle of moving wasn’t worth a better house especially at a very difficult time. To be clear I’d far rather have kept my parent than inherited. I still grieve their loss profoundly, I miss them every single day.

Shortly after I moved abroad for fun for a year or so and then the UK to have DC. In primary years I moved specifically to where quality of life is good and housing costs low, and could learn other language and culture, especially for DC. We went to a neighbouring country to explore more and learn a slightly different language and see more of the world. I moved back to give my DC a bit of experience in the UK in secondary and now as they are getting towards end of secondary I’m moving back to what they consider their home country to ‘launch’ them to adulthood.

I’m plagued with doubt I suppose about moving abroad again, possibly because I don’t have a parent to use a a sound board for my thoughts. Possibly I think I’ve missed come critical planning point and it’s a huge mistake to give up a solid job (again) for more adventure for myself and DC. I believe that my life seems to be easier than most and I’m worried I’ve missed something. I don’t have an especially big pension. I love my job (HCP) and going to work. I get a buzz from it every day. Earn average. I don’t plan on ever retiring, honestly I love my daily life. I have critical illness insurance if I can’t earn due to disability or illness.

I have saved a lot of money and it’s made my life much easier. My siblings have DC and much much better paid jobs and seems to find things hard. Things I think make it harder: too many pets, extra curricular clubs, tutors, big houses, expensive furniture, long haul holidays. I’ve avoided all of these and feel I have lots of spare capacity. I don’t stress about the state of the country; I moved around a lot as a child and have not got huge attachment to the UK. However generally speaking I think it’s doing average or well comparative to most places I’ve lived. Certainly I think people have lots of options and freedoms here. I just can’t relate at all to talk of civil unrest - living in Northumberland helps, it’s almost blissful I find. In terms of partner, I’ve been lucky in that my husband left me when my DC were little. I was crushed at the time. He has very little to do with them now and allows me to have almost total freedom to make decisions. I’d prefer to have a more traditional family set up for my kids’ sake, but I can't force him.

I want to improve my language skills and study more - I am aware of cognitive and physical decline and would rather invest in preventing this than earning/saving slightly more money. I don’t feel I need to stress about pension and daily grind, but on the other hand… my priorities and perspective almost feel wrong, at least at odds with the accepted reality.

OP posts:
Gallivant · 08/08/2025 05:44

You are obviously an awesome person. Well done you.

Earlyriser999 · 08/08/2025 05:54

Ok. Probably best to take it down. I'm going over these thoughts in the early hours quite often and need some anonymous advice or support or perspective. Making decisions, possibly exacerbated due to being parentless and single, about these things is tough. I don't especially want to share the details with real life people for obvious reasons.

OP posts:
CalicoPusscat · 08/08/2025 05:56

Just you enjoy it :)

MockBatter · 08/08/2025 05:58

You lost a parent early and your husband deserted you with small kids. I’m not sure your life has been easy or good in the sense many people would think. You just don’t stress about money and material things and that takes some stress off which is great.

do you have a good network of friends and family to support you? That’s what makes a good life. If you move again how close will you be to where DCs want to settle? I’d want to be able to stay near my kids and not live in a different country to them.

Squishymallows · 08/08/2025 05:58

If you need someone to tell, run it past chat GPT for a friendly voice

verycloakanddaggers · 08/08/2025 06:00

Squishymallows · 08/08/2025 05:58

If you need someone to tell, run it past chat GPT for a friendly voice

ChatGPT isn't someone, it's an algorithm.

Squishymallows · 08/08/2025 06:02

verycloakanddaggers · 08/08/2025 06:00

ChatGPT isn't someone, it's an algorithm.

Sure I’m aware of that. But based on OPs second post where she just wants someone to tell and people potentially writing mean stuff. I think the algorithm would solve her issue here

verycloakanddaggers · 08/08/2025 06:04

Earlyriser999 · 08/08/2025 05:54

Ok. Probably best to take it down. I'm going over these thoughts in the early hours quite often and need some anonymous advice or support or perspective. Making decisions, possibly exacerbated due to being parentless and single, about these things is tough. I don't especially want to share the details with real life people for obvious reasons.

What do you need advice or perspective about?

Your post contained rather a lot of judgment about other people's choices. Might be helpful to just focus on you.

OopsNoHoliday · 08/08/2025 06:13

Op sounds like your life has been well planned so far and you’ve met some adversity and overcome it well. You are at that age where the big questions of your life are settled and you’re in your powerhouse.

If you’re considering moving overseas you have to consider: that your kids will want their OWN adventures eventually. They may end up in third countries. Will that leave you lonely or disappointed?

As you get older what community will be most important to you - where are your roots, your great friends? If you are alone and your health suffers chronically how will you manage?

I think if you answer those questions you’ll stay on track.

Earlyriser999 · 08/08/2025 06:14

Thank you I appreciate the reply. Food for thought. I also really want to live near my adult kids, and I know it's at odds with how they are raised to an extent. I rationalise that they can move far away from me whatever my choices so not to worry too much about that - easier said then done! My next move I hope to be 10+ years - I plan on further training, which will take years. Friend-wise - I always invest heavily in friendships which I hear is a classic 'ex-pat' trait. To make friends quickly and easily and see which ones stick over time. I have a network, albeit unconventional, scattered around. I suppose this is the main thing I think I don't have - I see people so rooted in the community and I'm curious and wonder if I'm missing out. I don't know if I envy these people, I know what I'd have to sacrifice in order to for example invest 26 years in running the local girl guides as my current neighbour does. I see myself possibly detatched from places, like an outsider looking in, which is maybe why I don't worry or stress too much about the state of things. I've been alone with my children so long I almost don't think about it as a loss. My husband left just after the death of my last parent, so I've probably had my head stuck in the sand for 10 years and I'm avoiding all 'adult' responsibility. Argh, wish I could stop over thinking.

OP posts:
Mamma1982 · 08/08/2025 06:15

You sound really good OP. You base your life choices on living a simple life and being in the moment. You’ve made some wise financial decisions at a time when life was very tough for you. You only have one life, embrace the change with your DC.

You’re at odds as your life is different to others. That’s not a bad thing. You remind me of my friend who’s married, child free and chose to work part-time. Even though that’s what she wanted to do as she could financially afford it, as she paid off her mortgage early it felt at odds to her too. I encouraged her and she’s never looked back. Live in the moment, so many of us don’t snd most will be jealous of your circumstances and freedom of choices. You only have one life!

merrymelody · 08/08/2025 06:17

Enjoy your good fortune and pay it forward whenever you can.

JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch · 08/08/2025 06:22

Op sounds like your life has been well planned so far and you’ve met some adversity and overcome it well. You are at that age where the big questions of your life are settled and you’re in your powerhouse.

Exactly this. Genuinely, I think you are doing brilliantly and I hope you are excited about the next stage. So many people get caught up in material things or status symbols that you can start to question yourself if you don’t.

Earlyriser999 · 08/08/2025 06:24

Mamma1982 · 08/08/2025 06:15

You sound really good OP. You base your life choices on living a simple life and being in the moment. You’ve made some wise financial decisions at a time when life was very tough for you. You only have one life, embrace the change with your DC.

You’re at odds as your life is different to others. That’s not a bad thing. You remind me of my friend who’s married, child free and chose to work part-time. Even though that’s what she wanted to do as she could financially afford it, as she paid off her mortgage early it felt at odds to her too. I encouraged her and she’s never looked back. Live in the moment, so many of us don’t snd most will be jealous of your circumstances and freedom of choices. You only have one life!

Thank you. This is really reaffirming. I don't feel i decided to pay off my mortgage per se - i simply did it because I couldn't face the hassle and expense (i.e. stress, in my mind) of moving; couldn't cope with more changes at the time. In time it seems this has turned into a good financial decision, but it was possibly not always a given it would be that way. I didn't choose for my husband to leave. I like the idea I'm in my powerhouse now, this is really interesting idea. Perhaps this is the first time I've had choices, and I'm daunted.

OP posts:
MockBatter · 08/08/2025 06:33

It sounds like you are worried you should settle down rather than move about. I wouldn’t worry about that as you have a home base fully paid off and clearly enjoy the expat life. Just prepare that it may feel different without kids at home. As long as moving about without them feels exciting and not lonely then go for it.

MockBatter · 08/08/2025 06:33

It sounds like you are worried you should settle down rather than move about. I wouldn’t worry about that as you have a home base fully paid off and clearly enjoy the expat life. Just prepare that it may feel different without kids at home. As long as moving about without them feels exciting and not lonely then go for it.

verycloakanddaggers · 08/08/2025 06:34

I see myself possibly detatched from places, like an outsider looking in, which is maybe why I don't worry or stress too much about the state of things. I've been alone with my children so long I almost don't think about it as a loss. My husband left just after the death of my last parent, so I've probably had my head stuck in the sand for 10 years and I'm avoiding all 'adult' responsibility.

So it sounds like you're questioning if your calmness is a bit too thorough, meaning a lack of connection and a detached life. The people who are 'stressed' may also be less detached in other more positive ways - you know you don't want their stress, but the fact you're comparing yourself to others might mean you sense they are experiencing something else you would like. But comparisons won't really help you find your right route.

What do I want my life to be like and how do I want to relate to individual people/wider community are deep questions - as you are ok for money, have you considered therapy to talk through things?

Earlyriser999 · 08/08/2025 06:41

verycloakanddaggers · 08/08/2025 06:04

What do you need advice or perspective about?

Your post contained rather a lot of judgment about other people's choices. Might be helpful to just focus on you.

Well, firstly other people fascinate me, being interested in other people is integral to my job also, and it'd be very difficult to just focus on me! The think I find disconcerting, why I'm posting, is that my lived experience seems at odds with people around me. Perhaps colleagues are also just going through the motions of waxing lyrical (sorry, can't think of a less judgemental way of saying this) about not retiring early or the stresses of day-to-day life, which is what I'm asking for advice or perspective about - are these people acting or being authentic? I don't know. Like others say, it may be because my experience is different, which is easy to forget in day-to-day life. Writing it and getting feedback brings back into relief the obligations others have in their life. I've maybe always framed loss of relationships internally as freedom, but perhaps now is my freedom.

OP posts:
youalright · 08/08/2025 06:45

I think you just have a laid back see the positive in things personality. That's not a bad thing.

Earlyriser999 · 08/08/2025 06:47

On a more practical level, I don't know what the literal value of having a house paid off and rented out and having a small (albeit growing) pension is, when I don't plan on retiring. I may be forced to retire, I don't know.

OP posts:
ThePoshUns · 08/08/2025 06:47

You don’t sound like you’ve had it particularly easy, losing a parent, marriage break up. You sound like someone who makes the best / most of life. I would carry on as you are.

Happyher · 08/08/2025 06:48

I think you’ve managed your life very well. Some people do, others don’t and don’t take responsibility for it. Apart from the doubts you’re having now you seem content with your life. You’ve made provision for any financial hits you may come across by sensible saving. You’ve made good choices so it’s time to relax a little.

CosmicEcho · 08/08/2025 06:53

Your life doesn’t sound particularly easy but you have a good handle on things and a positive frame of mind. Keep enjoying everything.

verycloakanddaggers · 08/08/2025 07:04

Earlyriser999 · 08/08/2025 06:41

Well, firstly other people fascinate me, being interested in other people is integral to my job also, and it'd be very difficult to just focus on me! The think I find disconcerting, why I'm posting, is that my lived experience seems at odds with people around me. Perhaps colleagues are also just going through the motions of waxing lyrical (sorry, can't think of a less judgemental way of saying this) about not retiring early or the stresses of day-to-day life, which is what I'm asking for advice or perspective about - are these people acting or being authentic? I don't know. Like others say, it may be because my experience is different, which is easy to forget in day-to-day life. Writing it and getting feedback brings back into relief the obligations others have in their life. I've maybe always framed loss of relationships internally as freedom, but perhaps now is my freedom.

You talk about others, but are seeking answers about yourself.

are these people acting or being authentic? This made me want to ask: are you acting or being authentic?

You say other people fascinate you, and you also talk about not relating, not recognising what others say about the country etc. Maybe you're ready to relate rather than observe?

verycloakanddaggers · 08/08/2025 07:10

Earlyriser999 · 08/08/2025 06:47

On a more practical level, I don't know what the literal value of having a house paid off and rented out and having a small (albeit growing) pension is, when I don't plan on retiring. I may be forced to retire, I don't know.

The value of financial security is financial security.
It gives a stable basis for a good life.

But it isn't in itself a good life - a good life is a deeper thing.