If I lived like a soap opera character...

[Eastie77Returns]

Inspired by a previous, very amusing thread on the same subject. What would your life look like if you lived like someone on Eastenders, Coronation Street etc.
My top 4:

I would have ‘dead’ relatives who re-emerge alive and kicking years after their supposed death. Everyone would be shocked for about a day and then it would just be accepted as fine. The previously dead person would resume their lives without any issues or no police involvement.

If I had something terribly important to tell someone I would constantly be interrupted whenever I tried to tell them. I would allow them to talk over me and say ‘tell me later’ and I would just stand with a worried expression as they walked away.

If I was unemployed I would never look for a job online but would only ask around in the shops on my street, square etc. If I was offered a job in the local café, pub I would take it immediately without even asking about the pay.

If I had a life changing injury such as paralysis or a terrible illness I would suddenly be cured after laying in a coma for a week and the injury would never, ever be mentioned again. Whilst in hospital I would always be in a private room and any visitor, friend or foe, would be able to wander in and visit me and any time.

I would hate my job but it’s OK because I could quit and just walk away without having to work my notice period. I could literally just leave at the end of the day with no repercussions.

I would have every cup of tea or coffee in the local cafe despite living thirty seconds away from it and thus able to get my coffee or tea free from my own kitchen.

I would have had sex with every man within a mile radius, many of whom are related to each other or have been in relationships with women I am related to.

I would have a significantly higher risk than the average person of either getting cancer or being shot or otherwise injured in a gang related crime because I happen to have moved to the idyllic seaside resort of Summer Bay.

I don’t think you’d even have to wait until the end of the day. You’d be able to quit midway through the day and shout “you can stick your job” as you flounce out😂

I would have no childcare issues any time of day because of a magic kiddie cupboard

i would never do any housework as my house self cleans and there would be no clutter in the hall or any need to go food shopping.

if I moved away I could fit all my items in one suitcase and all my household items would magically disappear so another person can occupy my room

my car would appear when needed and I would never worry about a parking space

I would have family members who would go upstairs or pop out for a bit then disappear for months/years and reappear as completely different people and I wouldn’t even notice.

I wouldn't get pregnant when actively trying but would have a one night stand with a stranger (who turns out to be the brother, long lost, of the woman in the launderette who is my mortal enemy) and wallop, twins.

I'd never need to go to the loo.

I would always be blackmailing someone or getting blackmailed or both

I'd never have to call someone and say "It's ringing" and wait because they would answer straight away without it seemingly ringing at all.

Oh if I’m arranging to meet up with someone I never need to specify a time. I’d just say “I’ll see you later in the pub” and they know what time to be there.

If I left the U.K. as a toddler to live abroad I would return as an adult and speak perfect English in a Cockney/Yorkshire etc accent with no trace of a foreign accent.

I could disappear abroad to live at short notice with no money, visa or work permit, and without speaking a word of the language. I could then return home with zero notice and take up my life pretty much where I left off. Apart from a cursory “oh, you back then?” from a couple of people, my two years or so away would barely be noticed.

I'd live on a million pound house despite working part time in a bar.

When secretly booking a hotel room or break with my lover I never just book online. I always have to print out the booking and leave it laying around for someone to find.

I only ever leave my locale by expensive black cab.

I leave a Pregnancy test tossed in the bin or left in my handbag for someone else to discover.

i never recycle.

i throw a beautiful bouquet of flowers in the bin and no one ever buys me cheap ones from the supermarket

Oh yes when I get pregnant underage, I keep it and abandon my education.

I'd announce I was leaving to go overseas and be on the plane in less than 2 hours, without having to go through the hassle of getting a visa, somewhere to stay or having the funds to support myself.

I’d dread December as every year without fail something dreadful happens on Christmas and/or New Year’s Eve.

Haha, I was just going to say that!

I would eat breakfast at the caff across the road from my house, and pop in for a coffee randomly throughout the week.

I'd always have very important confidential conversations in the local cafe or pub where all my neighbours congregate.

I would go to the pub and ask for a pint. I would never be asked "a pint of what?"

I never exchange pleasantries or say goodbye when I phone someone.

I buy everything I need at the expensive local shop.

Actually they do assume in my local. There was much confusion when they'd gone 'large pinot' and as it was a hot day I'd fancied a gin and tonic for a change. The world nearly ended.

My flat above my pub can accommodate my 2 stepdaughters, my daughter and her 3 children, my husband's brother, plus me and my husband easily.

I would shout a lot.

A bit like having teenagers in real life