If I lived like a soap opera character...

[Eastie77Returns]

Inspired by a previous, very amusing thread on the same subject. What would your life look like if you lived like someone on Eastenders, Coronation Street etc.
My top 4:

I would have ‘dead’ relatives who re-emerge alive and kicking years after their supposed death. Everyone would be shocked for about a day and then it would just be accepted as fine. The previously dead person would resume their lives without any issues or no police involvement.

If I had something terribly important to tell someone I would constantly be interrupted whenever I tried to tell them. I would allow them to talk over me and say ‘tell me later’ and I would just stand with a worried expression as they walked away.

If I was unemployed I would never look for a job online but would only ask around in the shops on my street, square etc. If I was offered a job in the local café, pub I would take it immediately without even asking about the pay.

If I had a life changing injury such as paralysis or a terrible illness I would suddenly be cured after laying in a coma for a week and the injury would never, ever be mentioned again. Whilst in hospital I would always be in a private room and any visitor, friend or foe, would be able to wander in and visit me and any time.

I would go to m GP's surgery with no appointment and get seen immediately.Or even better, get a home visit for anything, even how trivial.
I can get a job in the street without any interview, after getting a house there within minutes of arriving.
One of my relatives whom I had completely forgotten existed, will turn up out of the blue and become a permanent live in member of my family.I will have quads who will be forever ''upstairs'' while I work long shifts in the pub or cafe.
I will get terminal cancer, then be instantly cured.

My emotions for my partner would flip from love to flaming hate on a weekly basis.
I'd pop out babies out with a few gasps and a drop of sweat on my brow in my kitchen.
Before I knew it my children would be getting pregnant and I'd be old but strangely my face would be the same I'd just wear jumpers instead of crop tops.

People would walk in and out of my house all day as the door is unlocked and I wouldn’t bat an eyelid.

I would think nothing of confronting someone about an extremely personal matter in the local packed pub and I would have to shout about it, I would never talk quietly.

I would always reveal secrets to someone in the toilets of said pub. After I leave the toilets the cubicle door would open and my deadly rival would step out with a sinister smile or menacing look.

Whenever I phoned the emergency services they’d be there within seconds.

If I needed a job I know I would get one from the half dozen employers in the street. But only in the businesses owned by other, so never the Costa or CoOp.

my house can burn down but within a couple of weeks it was just like new again, no waiting for loss adjusters, insurance and tradesmen.

I want to buy a house? Put an offer in and with a couple of weeks I’m packing to move in.

My car would be the only one parked on my street….and I’d never hav3 had lessons or have passed a test!

I'd drink in the pub every night... though how anyone can afford it is the question

I'd have children then somehow never seem to have to raise them, they are magically weaned and potty trained, sleep well enough for me to enjoy extra marital affairs and furthermore I never need to go to mums and tots...

I'd have lots and lots of brothers and sisters, some with have same parent(s) as me but some weve just collected along the way with no regard for their actual parents...

I'd be privy to information that I'd overheard that would portray someone as a wrong 'un and refuse to tell anyone over the phone, I'd have to tell them in person 'when I see you.'

I'd then be found dead in a situation that might be an accident... or not.

But then I live more in Midsomerland than the East End.

On my wedding day I'd quietly accept that there was only a 50/50 chance of me actually getting married.

And if I fell pregnant I would also accept that the chances of a straightforward delivery in hospital are virtually zero. I would prepare to give birth during a disaster or whilst trapped somewhere and the person forced to deliver the baby would be an enemy of mine.

Or as shown in Eastenders: a woman who was recently completely broke, living in a tiny flat with 3 kids was able to rock up to an auction and buy a pub that would cost at least £2 million.

I'd take all my washing to the laundrette.
I'd work in a hospital where I will have affairs with all my colleagues and end up as a patient myself with something life threatening.
I'd only ever drink in one pub
I'd never watch Coronation Street or Eastenders.
I'd never work my notice.
The family would only sit around 3 sides of the dining table.
I'd have my baby on Christmas Day.
My kids will never need a babysitter.

I’d never go on holiday but would sometimes appear tanned

A few weeks / months after I move in, some of my relatives (previously NEVER spoken about) will come and live near me.

Following a screamed argument with my spouse, I would pull a small and empty suitcase down from the top of a wardrobe and proceed to fill it with the contents of wardrobe which can be swept out easily and remain in their hangers. These are able to fit inside with much room to spare when I throw on top my toiletries. I can run down the stairs and into a passing taxi or drive my own car in a pair of high heels and tears blinding me. I will have conveniently forgotten about my three children and my brain as I plunge recklessly but somehow capably into the future.

I would wake up in the morning to find that my entire house had been redecorated inside and out without being scaffolded or indeed having any decorators in.

If I were a teenager, I would have absolutely no ambition whatsoever, and no idea what I wanted to be when I left school.

I would just drift along aimlessly through my mid-teens, and then, when school came to an end, would be advised to try to get a job somewhere in the square working a minimum wage job as an unskilled assistant to one of the locals who owns a small business.

I'd be able to begin working in a catering job without any training or certification in food hygiene.

I would own and run a local business but sometimes weeks or months would go by without me ever actually working there. Instead I would spend most of my day in the local pub.

I would have small children but would still be out in the pub late in the evening with no clear indication of who is looking after them.

I would move away from my loving family and friends (all of whom I’ve lived with and worked with at some point). But once I moved I’d never visit, not even for weddings/ funerals, and I’d never phone.

When I went to the hospital I’d be treated by my GP.

Even though I was penniless I'd have perfect nails, bright white teeth and expensive haircuts.

Even though I was penniless I'd buy a takeaway costing perhaps £50 a pop for my family several times a week.

I'd never plug in my laptop yet it would never need charging.

And it never locks or time outs so someone else goes straight into it without needing a password and I tend to work in the cafe

same with my phone, other residents seem to be able to hack quite easily

I'd be able to guess people's passwords to get into their laptops on the third try.