Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

DD has no friends - long summer

28 replies

barelyany · 05/08/2025 19:01

Who else has a child with no one to see over the summer?

Obviously there is a back story here which I won’t go into but it’s breaking my heart and I don’t know how to help her, she thinks there is something wrong with her (there isn’t).

She has no problem with confidence or getting involved in activities, and seems to get along well with kids in general in those types of settings, but when it comes to close friends, she seems to find it hard to form those connections (this is related to the back story). She is 12.

OP posts:
drspouse · 05/08/2025 19:06

My DD has quite a few friends but doesn't want to go to clubs any more but wants to do stuff away from her annoying brother.
We're on holiday now, then she's going to PGL for 4 nights. She's also going to family for 4 days, has a one day circus skills workshop, and two intro days at the end of August.
DS and she asked to go caving so I took them both with a guide and we'll do a couple of less strenuous cave days out for their Scout caving badge.
I'm also going to persuade her to do a few more Scout badge things - she already planned and made us dinner!

the80sweregreat · 05/08/2025 19:11

That’s sad op. I hope she can make new friends once they go back, but it is a long time without anyone to just be with as a friend at that age and many clubs and things pack up for the summer.

Momononoyoooo · 05/08/2025 19:16

I was without friends real friends. School mates yes. But summer holidays etc none. No birthday parties with mates, was just family and cousins. And I turned out fine.
One of those things that people go through and they can nurture family ties make those into friendships or they can wallow in their misery and become depressed.
Either she can be proactive and try, might not amount to anything ie she can stay at home and not do anything. Life lessons and tests.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Original poster
barelyany · 05/08/2025 19:17

She’s asking to go to a different school as she says she already knows she doesn’t want to be friends with anyone at her current school.
No idea what to do or who to talk to about it.

OP posts:
Chinyreckon · 05/08/2025 19:17

Same here. DS sttruggles with relationships but is sociable with kids he doesnt know, especially younger kids. I tend to take him to places he can meet other kids, eg older kids soft play, parks etc, but drive a little way from where we live so he’s not seeing groups of kids he knows and feels excluded. He’s young for his age and will announce hes made a friend even though its running around for a few hours with kids he’ll never see again. It’s hard as I feel I have to “entertain” him, whereas if he’d got proper friendships they’d entertain each other, or just be happy chilling together

Screamingabdabz · 05/08/2025 19:21

I suspect a fair few kids are like this. I would take her requests about changing schools seriously and start making enquiries.

verycloakanddaggers · 05/08/2025 19:21

barelyany · 05/08/2025 19:17

She’s asking to go to a different school as she says she already knows she doesn’t want to be friends with anyone at her current school.
No idea what to do or who to talk to about it.

Is another school possible?
You could give it a try, 12 is not a bad age to move. Contact the local authority as a starting point.

But also it isn't unheard of not to socialise independently at 12, they do socialise differently to 30 years ago and some take a bit longer to find their tribe.

the80sweregreat · 05/08/2025 19:22

Oh dear. I can remember being 12 and falling out with people , it was hard.
I hope you can sort it out , but that age can be difficult and sounds as if people have fallen out :(
not easy

frecklejuice · 05/08/2025 19:25

It’s heartbreaking isn’t it. I have an 11 year old in the same position, she starts secondary school in September and really struggled in primary school with lots of friendship issues so now we have come into the summer holidays and she is spending all of her time with me. It’s ok because I only work term time but I feel so sad for her, she said the other day that I am her social life 🙁

LIZS · 05/08/2025 19:25

Is it a very small school, otherwise she may yet find common ground as they get older. Does it upset her or is she happy compartmentalising her social groups?

typicaltuesdaynight · 05/08/2025 19:26

My ds (8) goes to a tiny school and also has no friends , my eldest was lucky that he had more in his class. My youngest has friends at sports he go a to and cubs but none live locally To us

the80sweregreat · 05/08/2025 19:28

My son is late 20s only has two good friends and a few acquaintances, some people don’t always need a lot of friends , but I guess it’s harder for the youngsters these days if they see everyone else out on social media and they are not doing as much or there has been a falling out.

BBQBertha · 05/08/2025 19:29

Get her booked into a theatre workshop or something like that. She can’t spend the whole 6 weeks moping about and she won’t make friends by squirreling herself away.

Getagrip22 · 05/08/2025 19:29

I'm in same situation my dd is 13. It's heartbreaking...I wonder if there is a way of connecting...I'm in Suffolk

Original poster
barelyany · 05/08/2025 19:30

I already put her in a summer camp for a week (which she loved) but can’t afford to do it again.

She asked a ‘friend’ if she wanted to meet up today but she made lots of excuses (I forgot to ask my parents/I slept in late etc) and this type of thing has happened before so I don’t think she’ll be asking again.

She has one friend who moved away and spends most of her time on the phone to her, which is ok as they are having fun, but I’m concerned about the lack of in person contact and communication.

I loathe the way modern technology has taken that away from kids. If none of them had phones, they would all be out playing together and forming friendships.

OP posts:
AnneElliott · 05/08/2025 19:33

That’s a shame op. Would she join scouts? Our group runs stuff over the summer and it’s handy for them to meet other kids at different schools.

Original poster
barelyany · 05/08/2025 19:33

Sorry you’re in the same situation @Getagrip22, we are at opposite ends of the country though.

Did your DD have any fall outs with friends?

OP posts:
the80sweregreat · 05/08/2025 19:34

My son only seems to see his friends now and again , but mostly it’s all online meet ups. He is a lot older than your daughter, but it is how it is now I think.
People don’t seem to ‘ go out ‘ anymore ( although I appreciate that your DD is much younger and it’s not as easy for them to get together and takes more planning ) and that continues into adulthood it seems.
It might change over time, but boys only tend to meet up on games online and things.

madaboutpurple · 05/08/2025 19:36

I wonder if anything is arranged at your local leisure centre.? It might be worth enquiring. Do you have a library near you.> Firstly the summer reading challenge is going on and there might be a craft activity going on. Also the library notice board might have some ideas.

Getagrip22 · 05/08/2025 19:52

Oh thats a shame....I really do feel for u both...its awful...I wish i could fix it for these poor kids...She was part of a group of 3 (i know), been friends for nearly a year.she kept asking if she could meet them start of hols. Kept saying they were busy...Then found out they had a sleepover without her. We had them round few weekends ago and i could see she was being left out, they were holding hands dancing when i walked in the living room...and my daughter just sat there watching them...finding out about their sleepover was the final straw basically they kept leaving her out on tags on social media and in conversation too. So bless her she msgd and said why she wasn't invited (I didn't know that she done this) they said it was a last minute thing. She replied how she felt and they didn't reply so she is done, she said that they obviously dont care about her they are fake friends. I've explained they don't have to invite her everything but it's made her really angry as it's the cherry on the cake with everything else. What makes it worse is that she has stuck up for one of the girls at school that was bullied, lost other friends because of her (no one wanted this girl to join their group) too and introduced them to each other. This seems to happen every friend group. I'm at my witts end. Sorry I didn't mean to write this much 🙈

PassOnThat · 05/08/2025 20:53

I'm so sorry, OP, it's really tough. I was that child when I was younger and it was a maturity thing (I now understand that having ADHD meant that I matured more slowly than my peers and so was out-of-step with them).

What facilities do you have locally? Are you working atm?

I'd check out low-cost activities at the local library and leisure centre and see if you can get her out exercising at least a few times a week - it'll keep her fitness levels up and improve her mood. Essentially, even if you can't stretch to more summer camp, you need to find as many structured activities as you can to give her interaction with other people and children, and make sure she gets out of the house as much as possible.

I'd take her request to move schools seriously and start doing some research with her.

drspouse · 05/08/2025 21:37

I would second the idea of Scouts. DS and DD both go to church youth groups and most of the kids there are at different schools and tend to socialise in those groups but in Scouts they all mix so much more.

I honestly think my DD likes doing cheap or free things as much as expensive camps, I'm planning a bike ride every Friday because that's my day off, and I spent an hour playing chess with DS today, it took DD all day to plan, shop for and cook dinner.

Original poster
barelyany · 05/08/2025 22:08

@Getagrip22your poor DD. The dynamic of three is very familiar to us too. My DD’s friend went off with her old best friend and it is truly gut wrenching. Since that experience she’s had similar dynamics play out again but because she’s wise to them now, she removes herself from the situation entirely and therefore cuts off friendships out of fear - that’s why I think she is the way she is now.
I hope both our DDs find friends who truly value them.

OP posts:
Getagrip22 · 05/08/2025 22:33

@barelyany it really feels like a kick in teeth even more so. I'm racking my brains with how to move forward as like your dd, their trust gets weaker and they put a guard up...I do think it has a knock on effect and spirals as others then judge them as no one else 'wants' them. I definitely would look at other schools if that what ur daughter has said. My daughter says the same that there is noone ekse she feels would be a good match ..I keep telling mine we will take each day as it comes. I hope things get easier for u both, I will keep myself updated and follow this post xx

Rhesales · 06/08/2025 08:24

DD has no friends to meet up with over the summer but is only 7, so still happy to do activity camps, which keep her busy and out of the house. She makes 'friends' at the camps while she is there so she has fun but then never sees them again. We have just been on holiday and have weekend family trips planned, so not much time to meet up when other kids are free. She doesn't seem bothered by it as she has a younger sister at home and I take them out on days when they aren't doing camps. A lot of her class mates are from other countries and go back home for the whole summer, so it's not too weird here to not see school friends during the holidays
Our local council does summer activities for secondary aged kids, and there are workshops for that age organised by galleries and museums (we are in London). So you could look around to see if there is something similar in your area.