DD has no friends - long summer

[barelyany]

Who else has a child with no one to see over the summer?

Obviously there is a back story here which I won’t go into but it’s breaking my heart and I don’t know how to help her, she thinks there is something wrong with her (there isn’t).

She has no problem with confidence or getting involved in activities, and seems to get along well with kids in general in those types of settings, but when it comes to close friends, she seems to find it hard to form those connections (this is related to the back story). She is 12.

I think that there is a bit of a shake up of friends in year seven. They start to branch out and make different friends who they have more in common with. It might just be a matter of time before she finds her people.

Having said that, I would absolutely look at moving schools if that’s what she wants. My oldest went to five schools from four to eighteen. If anything I think she would say it was a good thing. She’s certainly confident.

As for extra curriculars, would she consider athletics? It’s relatively cheap and there is something for everyone. It’s not just running. There is quite a bit of hanging about and talking at training sessions.

Got the same here with dd11. There were only two main groups of girls in her primary that hung out together. The first group, families were all super clicky so dd never really got invited on anything outside of school and she drifted from them. The second group were then pretty tight knit and difficult to break into plus I wouldn’t allow dd to one of their houses as the parents had various dubious characters coming and going. Luckily she does quite a bit of extra curricular and I’ve added two more in before the summer but it’s still hard to keep her occupied.

Just a little bit of hope from the other side. Ds really struggled with friendships during secondary school and there was a massive issue at the end of GCSEs. He changed schools for A level and really found his tribe. I do not think he will ever have loads of friends but he has found a fabulous group now and the last 2 summers has been out and about often. What helped during the early years was extracurricular activities and making friends there even if they were not in school with him. I do know he found it lonely and sad at times.