Have you had the Xmas conversation yet?

[BananaCaramel]

Over the last couple of weeks my whole family has independently decided it is time to sort Christmas.

Me and my my siblings with our other halves and kids are going to my parents (possibly with PILs), my grandad is going to my auntie and uncles and we’ll have my ILs and BIL and his partner to ours on Boxing Day.

I thought it was early (although I was also guilty about sorting myself out, largely became last Xmas was terrible for me and DH so we wanted to make sure we got a decent one this year!) but apparently we were all of the same mindset and everyone announced to the group chat that we’d be at my parents for Xmas this afternoon (we all have a standing open invitation, we just have to let them know if we’re coming)

Have you had the Xmas chat yet?

@CandyCane457 Now is a good time for you to introduce new traditions. I would say that this year you want to spend the entire Christmas at home, given you'll have a new baby. It's unfair of anyone to expect you to travel to them. Could you invite one set for Christmas Day and the other for Boxing Day and say you'll reverse the order the following year?

FWIW I'm a grandmother now and this Christmas my granddaughter will be one - I think it'll be a much more fun Christmas than when she was just born. That was lovely, but now she can have presents she enjoys, etc. I'd sell it to your parents and in laws that way!

Conversation had here, I've got sets of adult kids and we need to know who's hosting (so everyone not hosting can breathe a sigh of relief that they don't need to buy a sofa bed/clean the whole house/empty the freezer and start preparatory baking) and ensure numbers. I've always made it clear that it's fine if they want to have Christmas with 'just them' or go away or do what they want, but everyone is apparently coming to me. This will likely be the last year without babies, so it's fine as I know it will all change when they have families of their own.

There was a conversation last January as DH and DD enjoyed visiting me so much last year (I am abroad in a European city for a few years for work, DH still at home and DD at Uni in another European city).

As it happens, we moved Dd from one place to another during our summer holidays this week. And she had a conversation about still wanting to come here again but knowing she may need to be at home for training (she’s on a national team and there will be intensive training over Christmas). So it looks like we will actually be at home properly this year, but still potentially here if training doesn’t happen.

Either way, we won’t be hosting others or going to see others on Christmas Day itself (they live 2.5 hours from our home, even if we are there and not overseas).

I'd love to go away; it's what my family were doing for a few years but then I got married and DH doesn't want to.

Very little conversation required. We alternate years with each set of parents so will be with my parents this year. Brother and SIL do the same and alternate.

Me my DD and my partner will probably spend it with my mum and my uncle then go over to my aunties later in the evening. I think my sister and her partner are going to his mum & stepdads. We will drive back to my partners after as he gets his 2 DD on Boxing Day and I’ve decided to do a Xmas dinner for it too. X

No. Because it’s August.

Similar.

I can't wait for the year when we can have just a year off - so just the two of us and the dog or just us and DH's parents or we go away. Then I'll happily go back to the random hordes of 8 to 14 after a respite. DH loves it and does most of the work.

We alternate between my parents and inlaws, this year its the inlaws....

I have with one sibling but not the other. The one sibling and I have taken turns to have mum (elderly, frail, dementia) while the other sibling does their own thing. Enough is enough. I am willing to have an argument over it.

No conversation needed. We've done the same thing every year for ages - volunteer at a charity preparing and serving meals to vulnerable people all day and then chilling with cheese, crackers, gammon and baileys in the evening. Whoever wants to come to us then is more than welcome.

Our extended family also come and help at the charity, with the little ones too, which is lovely.

For years it has just been us. My parents dead, and the in laws going to stay with their other dc - we invited them a few times but they preferred not to. They are now too old to travel. DH asked them to us last year and couldn't get an answer - eventually christmas with all the family was held at theirs but with the other dc and us doing all the shopping and cooking.

No idea this year. But DH has already been playing the "they won't be with us for ever" card when it comes to events so I suspect it might be the same as last year.

yes and no. Yes with my STBExH as we needed to discuss what we are doing with the kids, 6 and 3. I work in the NHS and have to put a request in as to which of the public holidays I want to work. I have to work at least 1.

Normally I would have got my parents in for the discussion, but Its all a bit up in the air. I don't want them to spend time with my ex, as it'll be awkward, but at the same time, the though if it just being the 4 of us fills be with dread. We are getting along amicably for the kids, we are still currently living in the same house, no idea where we'll be by then.

We haven't even told the kids as we have no idea how until the house needs to go up for sale

2002 - my parents
2003 - his parents
2004 - on our own

rinse and repeat in 3 year circles until one or more of us die!

Before kids and COVID we used to alternate spending Christmas with my family or his. In 2021 our daughter was born in mid-December and came home on Christmas Day. She wasn't expected to leave hospital until January so nobody came to visit until the end of January. Since she was born we've been at home with an open invitation for anyone that wants to come and spend it with us, but so far nobody has been interested. This year we'll have a four year old and a three month old so definitely won't be travelling anywhere! No conversation needed.

We don't all get the the luxury of that though. I have work rotas to sort as a few people we would celebrate with are NHS and will be potentially working on Christmas or boxing day. We try and coordinate so we're all working the same year so we can celebrate the other years

We’ve just decided that we’ll stay at home rather than look for a last minute ski holiday. As we’re currently on holiday, we’ve not yet asked the GDPs if they want to spend it with us but I expect we will soon.

Yess a few of my friends do that, it does seem the fairest way…I hate the thought of not being with my family at Christmas! But might be time for me to grow up 🤣

Most people want to spend Christmas with their own family, I think (unless they’re arseholes!).

Yes. I instigated the conversation as I’ll be hosting adult kids and their other halves and I’d like to know who’s coming so I can start making plans/ looking forward to it and to invite some lovely family friends to join us for Boxing Day.

I also tried to say that I think we should start doing a family secret Santa now and that they’re too old for stockings - all of which went down like a cup of cold sick so it’ll be business as usual here 🎅🏻

No one to have it with. Mum died in January, and I have no children or partner.

Just us as usual. Estranged from my family and dhs family live other side of the world.

we alternate every yeart between my parents and DHs. So PILs this year. DD too old for santa now so we arrange something festive as a treat, this year Blenheim Palace lights, tickets are on sale now and needed booking if we want the date and time we need. Last year I booked theatre tickets in summer and the date was sold out by end of August.

Exactly. I work in retail, so I need to know whether I'm hosting, because I have to put in whether I will work Christmas Eve or Boxing Day (we're closed Christmas Day thankfully). If I'm hosting I like to have Christmas Eve off to do the prep and go in Boxing Day. If I'm at someone else's I'll work Christmas Eve, travel Christmas morning and come home Boxing Day.

We don't all have the luxury of time.

We’re managing to shrug people off successfully at the moment as our rented home (and business premises!) is about to go on the market and is expected to sell very fast and we’re struggling to find somewhere suitable to move to. Ideally I don’t want to go anywhere as I’ve two v young children but may have to!