Have you had the Xmas conversation yet?

[BananaCaramel]

Over the last couple of weeks my whole family has independently decided it is time to sort Christmas.

Me and my my siblings with our other halves and kids are going to my parents (possibly with PILs), my grandad is going to my auntie and uncles and we’ll have my ILs and BIL and his partner to ours on Boxing Day.

I thought it was early (although I was also guilty about sorting myself out, largely became last Xmas was terrible for me and DH so we wanted to make sure we got a decent one this year!) but apparently we were all of the same mindset and everyone announced to the group chat that we’d be at my parents for Xmas this afternoon (we all have a standing open invitation, we just have to let them know if we’re coming)

Have you had the Xmas chat yet?

Not quite yet. It's been vaguely mentioned. Dsis tends to kick things off first when she discusses it with her in-laws. Then we start to triangulate the rest. We live at the opposite end of England from everyone else and my parents and PIL are now at an age where they can't travel a long way or don't really want to in the winter, which complicates the plans. Fortunately the two sets of elderly parents don't live that far from each other.

As every year I will be working up to the 24th and then back on the 29th, DD will be coming home from uni not before the 19th and won't be up for much as she has ND and needs to decompress.

So we will stay at home. Our familiy all lives abroad and it's the rare occassion we see them over the Christmas period. All are ok with it, we do this for the last 30-ish years.

We can’t finalise anything until my work rota is finalised which is always annoyingly late. I will probably volunteer to work Xmas day which is sad but definitely my turn this year

We have a rotating arrangement so I imagine we'll be going to my cousin's, but we haven't actually had the conversation to confirm it - that usually happens in the autumn.

Yes, I told my husband I CBA with Christmas this year and he said 'fine'. We're going to treat it more or less as a normal day.

Nope. My in-laws are supposed to be moving to our town but have not sold their house yet. Unlikely to be here by Xmas now so can probably make plans now!

Haha .us too and I booked a large house for us for this year on the 23rd Dec last year!! It's the first time we've done that though. Usually it's around now.

No idea. We're on [lovely] MIL-watch at the moment. Said our goodbyes a couple of weeks ago, now she's sitting up chatting in a care home so no one's making any plans at the moment.

We don’t have the chat. Since having children we spend the day at home and invite no one.

We are going away Xmas Day to a quiet cottage. Just the 2 of us. Will see Dh's gc Xmas eve morning to give presents. My adult dd will visit the week before Xmas.
I never host or spend Xmas at other people's. I buy for dd and dh. Never cook traditional Xmas food or put decorations up.

Yes I have had the convo because I really want to be in my own home with my kids but my mum tries to host each year - she hosted for decades and is used to it but now has to accept that I also want to be in my own home for Xmas, and not drag the kids and all the presents hundreds of miles!

They’re coming to us but staying in a hotel so needed to get in early while there was availability. They’re welcome to stay with us but never do!

Yes. No parents left to take care of and no dc. My sister has invited us to hers , as she does each year, but this year we are able to say yes.

So Christmas with my siblings , nieces , nephews and their grand children for only the second time in 35 years of marriage.

Everyone will provide something for the meal; everyone will help on the day.

I am leaving it to DH to tell his siblings.

I've only decided to book 2 weeks off over Christmas, but keep thinking it's excessive! Perhaps a week will do! I'm self employed so won't get paid.

None to have. Inlaws both dead. Never spent it with sil.

Dd1 will stay in her home with her by then husband....
Dd2 and dd3 will come to us.
DS may come home or may go to his girlfriends family. I suspect they will come to us on the 24th and then drive to hers from like 10 pm .. (we celebrate on the 24th)

Not yet, it's something I dread a little bit.

My DH and I like to just be at home with nice food and wine. I don't like big events, lots of fuss, or staying up late.

My mother wants a big family Christmas with her at the centre but unfortunately there is no big family available. My sibling has fallen out with her, I am child free (and a big disappointment).

There's also my Dad to consider, and my parents can't be in the same house at the same time.

Oh happy days. I used to love Christmas but not so much anymore.

We’ve kind of had the discussion. It did not go well.
LO came home last year so for our first Christmas we went to ILs (I wanted to stay home but not having to deal with organising dinner or spend the whole day at home meant I agreed).
This year I want to stay home and maybe host my dm. DH wants to go to ILs again. We had a bit of a bicker about it then decided we’re being nuts as it was only June so it’s been put on the back burner and ignored since.

We’ll talk about it properly once the summer holidays are done.

DD will probably be working and it will just be me and DP, no conversation to be had.

No but l can sense it's getting close! It's going to be tricky. I'm point blank refusing to host which wont go down well with mum or brother. Neither of them ever want to host and even when l host don't even want to help / contribute despite being advised of this expectation and earlier in the year agreeing 🙄. So lm resentful, digging my heels in this year and going forward. This year myself, my husband and children are going to our local Indian restaurant. Other people can come to the restaurant if they want but l won't be doing any hosting AT ALL

We did last week but we have two young children (3 and 8) and family that lives opposite ends of the country plus abroad. It had been floated a few weeks ago then people went away and thought then last week we decided plans.

I expect it will be yet another year of us hosting
DM will come to us. It will involve driving, staying sober and cooking. Adult dc will come to stay, more cooking plus over excited small dc
I want to go and lay on a sun bed somewhere hot.

As every year, we will be at home for Christmas. If any family member wants to join us they will be welcome, but I do not spend Xmas at anyone else’s house.

Not yet- but I am a bit worried this year!
My boyfriend and I love together, but we’ve always spent Christmas with our own parents. We do our own little “early Christmas Day” at home a few days before, cook a roast, swap gifts etc, and we do a lot of fun festive things through December like Christmas escape rooms, markets, parties, buffets with friends etc.
I tend to stay with my parents for a few days over Christmas and he does the same, then usually comes to join my family on Boxing Day, which is always really nice. There’s only an hour or so drive between our families.

HOWEVER, we are having a baby any day now now. So it will be the first Christmas with our baby so obviously we will want to spend it together. But what to do about parents?!?! Ideally we’d just go to my family home as a three, but I know that wouldn’t be fair. I don’t really want to spend my Christmas with his family 🙈 We could invite both sets of parents to ours, but then what about my brother, my grandma etc etc. We need to have a good think!!!

Yes, we’ve been invited to family with space for us all - inc. 7 kids, not that dh and I will be using a spare room. Good old Premier Inn as usual. I will probably be taking the usual sundry homemade stuff, inc. 🎄puds, brandy butter, mince pies, pigs in blankets…

In my experience, once babies come along most families tend to alternate. So one year with your family, the next with his. The year with his family might not be your ideal Christmas but it’s the fairest way of doing it!

Nope - DH and I just do whatever we want for Christmas every year. No hosting, no gifts for relatives, no faffing about.