Can't be arsed to babysit

[Housechallenge]

I know im being selfish but I really cant be arsed to baby sit. But I cant really say no i have already delayed it . Plus I haven't baby sat for about 3 weeks. And dd ,ds and friends have made plans.

It will be over night as they are drinking. So it effects tomorrow as well. My living room is a shit tip.i have to tidy and make it toddler proof . I really cant be arsed.

It sounds stupid but im having a tidy up get rid of stuff week. And I have set my mind into a certain pattern. Of do kitchen. Sort out under the stairs then sort out my bedroom. Etc. Living room was being done last. I know that sounds stupid . What's the big deal if I do it today instead. I dont know why but it really throws me off. Plus on top of that its 2 days messed up.

I guess I don't want to loose my motivation.

Im still going to baby sit though.

Why do you have to babysit? Babysitting is a favour that no-one should feel obligated to do.

I do feel I have to. Just how I am cant really answer it. I feel bad if I don't.

Well you either refuse in the future or martyr yourself further.

Who are you babysitting for? Just say no it doesn’t suit?

Im still going to babysit . Because I dont want to be horrible. I was just sounding off really.

I don’t understand why you can’t just say “I’m sorry dd/ds I can’t babysit tonight as I have plans.”?

Especially if it’s going to knock your whole week off I’d be saying no. I assume it’s your grandchildren since you mention dd and ds? Can’t one of them babysit the other’s kids and they go out separately rather than asking you?

It's a choice with consequences. You choose to babysit, you have upheaval and two days gone. You choose not to, you feel guilty and you inconvenience others.

I think on this occasion you have to do it as you have said you will but in future you should really consider saying no, or offering what you can that suits you better. My mum never wanted to have my children so I didn't ask her. I don't think it's fair to put someone in this situation. I agree it really messes with your plans and I totally understand that small things (like changing the order of how you tackle the house) can seem like a big deal.

You don’t have to babysit and you certainly don’t have to do it overnight, unless you’ve already promised.
As for the parents drinking, they just need not to get so totally bladdered that they can’t look after their own kids.
I can count on one hand the number of times I had overnight babysitting ( 3 DC) - do you feel you owe them?

Yeah that’s a really good point - why are they asking you to have the kids overnight? Why can’t they just finish up at a reasonable hour and in a reasonable state so they can mind their own kids?

I never had anyone to babysit for me overnight - I always had to be back to pick mine up or let the babysitter go home.

I have stopped babysitting full stop after it was disrupting our own household too much.

You don’t have to do it again.

Its just dd children not ds he doesn't have kids. But they are getting together with friends to drink and have fun.

I already delayed once.

Couldn't you babysit in their own home instead and stay over?

Don’t any of them - friends and all - work? It’s a Monday night!

I guess you are just letting off steam because you say you will do it . I get it . It’s hard to say no . It makes you feel guilty, plus you love your grandchild . But it can be exhausting and you want to organise other stuff sometimes. But enjoy anyway !

When I joined MN about six years ago I used to feel some sympathy with posts like this but now I just don't. Just say no. Stop being a martyr. Unless you just want to do it so you can post moaning about it and hear about amazing and selfless you are?

Thank you for getting it. Yeah im going to do it . Because I said I will. I just find it hard to say no even though i know I have a right to. I would feel guilty.

I find it really hard to say no. But im learning to. Well sort of. Dd asked me to babysit a few days bsck and I said no because she gave me next to no notice wanted me to do it the next day. So I said no. But said i would do it a few days later . Which is today. I didn't actually want to. But I feel bad not to. But delaying it was a step in the right direction for me. Even though its still not good timing before I would have just done it without delay.

My parents did very little babysitting as well into their 70s when my kids came along and certainly never overnight. My in laws never had my kids on their own. You are under no obligation.
Why not ask your kids if they can come help you with the house one afternoon while their spouse has the kids? It’s not a one way street this family stuff.

You should just say no if you don’t want to do it.

otherwise it’s just going to lead to resentment.

That’s a good idea. Get the adults (kids!) and their partners to come and help you.

100% that . Thank you.

Older Gs 7 didn't go to sleep last night teen dd messaged me at 6am to say he was still awake and hadn't been to sleep.

Youngest gs went to sleep around 10pm. I fell sleep aroubd 2am. He sleeps throgh. But we co sleep so I keep waking up because hes there. He woke 7.30am its coming up to 10am now I still have that just woke up feeling.

Im thinking they probably wont go till late afternoon now 😭

Op, I’m a very hands on grandma to 8 and I regularly have my grandchildren for sleepovers, even the ones who are in their late teens. It’s just a thing we do. But whilst I don’t really have any rules in place for my children to follow when it comes to asking if I’ll have the children, I’m happy to have them at the drop of a hat if need be, my children are considerate and wouldn’t take advantage of the situation. They also understand that if I ever said no there would be good reason for it and they'd be okay with it, they’d never hold it against me or put me in the spot by saying - well if you can’t tomorrow, then when can you.

Someone further up mentioned getting your family to come and help you, it’s what we do, and I often have one or more of my 5 children here for a day or half a day helping me with things.

It’s not about paying me back for looking after my grandchildren, it’s about caring for each other and wanting to help each other because we love each other. We’re a family (and no, we’re not the Waltons) just as you are and I hope you can learn from your thread that you’re allowed to say no when you have to, and that your family should be wanting to help you out as well.

And your grandson who didn’t sleep? Why didn’t he sleep?

I have been hands on for yesrs. But sometimes. Im tried of life . Or i have stuff to do myself . But i still feel guilty if I say no. I have dealt with a helm of alot over the years and im just tired.

I cant ask dd to help with house stuff its not worth the stress if I asked she would help but its just to stressful. I feel quite content to just have some music on and do it myself.

Plus it would end up with to many kids in the house then have to be looking after them dealing with tantrums. And bickering etc . I just want to be in peace to tidy /clean.

Im learning to say no but I do find it hard. Which i know is my own fault. I think because I didn't get any help at all. I didn't want the same for dd. So I did alot of baby sitting. But then dd became very entitled amd ungrateful. Thats one of the things that made me start putting a few rules in.

I don't know why gs didn't sleep could be in a bad pattern at home or could have been a one of night he couldn't sleep.

Pretty shit to agree and then pull out at the last minute.