Sons BO STINKS!!

[Twentyoneagainx]

My 19 y/o is currently home from uni; he's had strong BO for around 6 years. Over the years, he's been taught multiple times about washing and drying himself properly. Been told the importance of antiperspirants, deodorant etc and obviously clean clothes.

When he was at home, I managed it best I could, without putting him in the bath myself at 16 and bathing him! I've always made subtle points of reinforcing the above routines, without being mean and saying "your BO is terrible and offensive!" He's very sensitive to any form of perceived criticism, as my parents were quite overbearing when he was small and did not like me disciplining him etc, so takes literally everything extremely personally!

He's currently home from university, and the house smells so bad! He's been home 4 days and his bedsheets smell terrible. He's been encouraged to shower twice a day, doing so without prompting sometimes too. I came home last night just as he was getting out of the shower, yet he still smelled!

We went to town and I made sure I bought him new products, although he didn't really want them stating he already has all this. To me, this tells me he knows something is amiss, as he was quite adamant not to take it. He can be extremely headstrong and it's so frustrating. I've also noticed his breath is becoming quite offensive, so have bought him mouthwash, dental floss etc. His clothes are being washed twice. I've washed the bedsheets today and have all the windows open.

What on earth can I do? Is there a product out there I can buy, apart from what I've already bought? Is there a specific brand I can get? He's home for two weeks and I cannot carry on with the smell!

Is he washing? Is it actually poor personal hygiene or a health/hormonal issue? Suggest GP maybe. I know a couple of people who struggle with BO but it’s health related. Please talk to him about this with love and not shame. Tell him it’s an issue but you can work together to ameliorate it. It will affect his employability so it needs sorting. Good luck.

@Twentyoneagainx Hello, I've done it with love since the issue began. He has been taught how to wash etc, as said in post. That has been covered numerous times and throughout his entire life. I may have to suggest going to the GP, as you have said. He would wear the same pyjamas repeatedly if I let him, but he can't afford to do so as the smell is so bad.

He's an adult so he needs to take ownership for it himself. Do you think it's a medical issue or just laziness and poor hygiene?

My 14yr old gets a bit whiffy and we find the best way to deal with it is being very direct and telling him he needs to shower and change his clothes.

Mitchum deodorant. The usual lynx etc doesn't cut it.

I find the Dettol wash is good for removing smells from clothes. Also vinegar spray before washing.

@TartanMammy we don't use lynx as that's not antiperspirant per say. I'll try Mitchum. I honestly don't know, as I'm obviously not in the bathroom at the same time anymore. I just can't stand the smell. Sounds bad but I don't want him to hug me, because the smell rubs off.

Sounds like he needs to see a doctor tbh.

If his sheets smell it’s not just underarm sweat so underarm deodorant may not help. Although driclor every other day is probably the best - usually buy it from the pharmacy. It’s really really strong. Mitchum has nothing on it.

You need to ask if if he’s aware that he smells. Tell him directly and ask him if he wants help managing it. Should have done it years ago by the sound of it.

@Orangemintcream as said in post, it is something that has been raised. However, I don't enjoy taking swipes at people.

I shall call into the chemist.

I think you need to be cruel to be kind. ‘Darling, I know you’re not going to like this, but I’m telling you because I love you and I can’t bear the thought of people talking about you or not wanting to be near you. The smell of sweat is really overpowering. I know you wash and are using deodorant so I think it’s time to see the GP, because this level of odour isn’t normal if you’re keeping yourself clean. I’ll come with you if you don’t want to talk to the dr by yourself. And while we’re on the topic, I want to make you a dentists appointment too because I think I can smell a tooth infection and I don’t want you to have to struggle with bad breath as well’.

If he gets in a strop and refuses then buy him some Mitchum or speak to your chemist to see if there are any other options (like squirting him with Febreze every time he walks past)

Nobody normal enjoys taking swipes at their children. But this is going to be affecting his life. If you aren’t direct now, he’s going to be unemployable with no friends and no girlfriend very shortly.

It’s not taking swipes at him to speak directly about it. You said it’s been raised but also that indicated you weren’t sure he was aware of it when you spoke about going to buy products.

You would be helping him by getting to the bottom of it. Otherwise it will hinder him socially and in employment for the rest of his life.

You comment speaks volumes - that you think raising an issue directly is somehow unkind. It isn’t. And not raising it more firmly years ago means it has continued.

It's not about taking swipes at your son but making him aware of something he needs to deal witj, as an adult.

If he is showering daily, I think it might be a medical issue.

I'd like to comment that you don't know my son. As said, any kind of perceived criticism will lead to consequences here. There will be a backlash, without exposing too much of ourselves online.

As repeatedly, repeatedly stated here, I have had gentle discussions with him, explaining there is a smell. This was done right from when it became a thing. Some of these conversations have ended up in ructions, especially as he has gotten older. I personally have done everything I can to manage the situation.

He has been taught about hygiene repeatedly. I have raised the issues repeatedly, I have always encouraged clean clothes etc. I have bought him all I know of, to help him manage this. Without standing over him in the shower, I personally can't answer how he bathes. I'm at a complete loss.

I will try the items suggested in the post.

Thank you.

Is his dad on the scene? Or an uncle. Someone needs to have a man to man talk, as mum to son isn’t working.

To help witj the clothes/bedding I found washing clothes on a 40° prewash with white vinegar helped.

My older son is Autistic and I tried to be as sensitive as possible but what worked was being very factual.

Hope you find a solution.

@SallyDraperGetInHere his dad lives over the road but hasn't seen our son in 11 years, as he got married and started a new family. Unfortunately, his wife didn't wish for stepchildren and so contact stopped eventually. My dad is the only main source of male support however, if my son said the sky is green, that's exactly what should be agreed and my mum is very much the same. It's always been a battle me against them unfortunately. Naturally, he will go to those who offer sympathy etc.

@BlondieMuver thank you so much. This comment is very helpful.

Use a big scoop of soda crystals and some dettol laundry disinfectant in every wash, and wash for at least two hours. This got the smell out of my son’s uniform - if it’s not washed properly out it reactivates as soon as it is worn or used. Do the same for sheets and towels.

you do need to say something, I appreciate you say you can’t but someone does. Or he won’t get a job or a girlfriend. I am quite direct so I just told my son he ponged and if he came out of the shower smelly I sent him right back in.

@Blackcordoroys Thank you for that. I've actually repeatedly said that I have said something. I've just had to do it gently. I've also done so repeatedly.

Thank you for your comment.

Is he using shower gel, or an actual bar of soap? Soap is better. Something like good old Imperial Leather, or any pack of supermarket soap. Don't bother with the fancy 'moisturising' ones because they don't work as well.

Then once he's out of the shower, having soaped under his arms and wherever else, he should dry himself then put anti-perspirant deodorant on. I like Mum, but appreciate a boy might not! He might need to try a few before he finds one that works for him. I think roll-on is more effective, but again, he might find a spray works best.

Wash his clothes as hot as you can.

I am disabled and part of my disability can lead to BO issues.

i’ve lost track of the number of people who have said politely to me that I need to shower etc.

there are a fair few people for whom standard hygiene like showering and using the washing machine does not fix odour.

i’d suggest finding some things that work first.

(I shower or bathe twice daily and wash regularly).

suggestions:
most shower gels don’t clean. Consider Dettol antibacterial soap. I personally swear by hibiscrub as well.

mouth - toothbrush, corsodyl (only for two weeks but will fix any infection). Tooth floss. Tongue scrapers also good.

laundry: high temp wash. Dettol laundry addition. Again, many washing powders don’t really cope well with sweat etc.

Maybe try an antibacterial soap for him? Could be a bacterial or even fungal issue?

Sounds like bromhidrosis. I would recommend he sees his GP to rule out any underlying issues.

Diet also affects body odor.
Do others notice this odor or are you particularly sensitive?
It doesn’t sound like he’s interested in investigating medical cause or medical treatment.
Body hair traps odors.

This company has lots of products which will help: https://www.the-antiperspirant-and-deodorant-company.com/product/perspi-guard-odour-control-body-wash/

Perhaps the time has come to stop being 'gentle' and be more direct, you can do this without being unkind.

'ds I have noticed that you often smell of body odour. It is unpleasant and I'm worried about you. It will cause issues for you with work and friendships. If you're washing regularly and changing your clothes this might be a medical issue, I can make you a GP appointment and come with you if you would like?'

The kindest thing to do is to help him fix this and your current approach doesn't seem to have worked.

Does he otherwise take care of his appearance? Does he take pride in his clothes, get regular haircuts, shave etc.

I think you need to reset his bacteria on his underarms. I would be tempted to get him to wipe his underarms with tea tree oil - you should dilute, but I use neat, after he has had a shower. This will kill good and bad bacteria. Likelihood is you may be able to buy something that does this otc. If not tee tree oil from home bargains does the trick. Test his skin first.