Sons BO STINKS!!

[Twentyoneagainx]

My 19 y/o is currently home from uni; he's had strong BO for around 6 years. Over the years, he's been taught multiple times about washing and drying himself properly. Been told the importance of antiperspirants, deodorant etc and obviously clean clothes.

When he was at home, I managed it best I could, without putting him in the bath myself at 16 and bathing him! I've always made subtle points of reinforcing the above routines, without being mean and saying "your BO is terrible and offensive!" He's very sensitive to any form of perceived criticism, as my parents were quite overbearing when he was small and did not like me disciplining him etc, so takes literally everything extremely personally!

He's currently home from university, and the house smells so bad! He's been home 4 days and his bedsheets smell terrible. He's been encouraged to shower twice a day, doing so without prompting sometimes too. I came home last night just as he was getting out of the shower, yet he still smelled!

We went to town and I made sure I bought him new products, although he didn't really want them stating he already has all this. To me, this tells me he knows something is amiss, as he was quite adamant not to take it. He can be extremely headstrong and it's so frustrating. I've also noticed his breath is becoming quite offensive, so have bought him mouthwash, dental floss etc. His clothes are being washed twice. I've washed the bedsheets today and have all the windows open.

What on earth can I do? Is there a product out there I can buy, apart from what I've already bought? Is there a specific brand I can get? He's home for two weeks and I cannot carry on with the smell!

Have you tried dettol antibacterial in your wash, with biological washing powder and drying outside. See if that helps his clothes. Or buy him some new T-shirts and see if the BO remains. As others have said it definitely could be in his clothes.

Sounds awful OP. I’m surprised others he hangs around with haven’t said anything . From what I’ve seen at work people who stink become isolated because people back off . I think your son sounds so bad he must have a medical reason . Anyone aware they stink would do something about it .

You need to be firmer, even if it causes him to get annoyed. He needs to wash with soap and something a bit rough like a flannel and really scrub his armpits, then rinse and repeat, not just pat with his hands. If you can smell him as soon as he comes out of the shower then he certainly isn't washing his armpits properly. Then he immediately needs to use some strong antiperspirant like mitchum. Wash his clothes with laundry sanitiser. If that doesn't work then he should visit the GP.

Surely people at university must notice. It must impact on friendships and no girl will want to go near him.

If his own mother can't be straight with him then it's going to be someone else who will tell him, and that's going to be a whole lot more embarrassing.

Also check if he has something like Hidradenitis, if he does he need to go to the doctors, especially if this started when he was 6

I find it hard to believe he is at university and noone has said anything there. Students will surely have put this to him a but more bluntly than you are trying to.

I’d second PP who say this sounds medical, if he’s even smelling when he’s getting out of the shower something is very unbalanced. I hope you can get to the bottom of it soon, for everyone’s sake! I’m sure the poor lad doesn’t want to be stinking just as he’s hitting proper clubs/dating age

Try drysol, sounds like he has an issue that's making him sweat excessively. You can get it on prescription.

Try Triple Dry antiperspirant - you can get it in Sainsbury's. Sainsbury's own brand tea tree soap is good as well, or something antibacterial like Dettol or Cidal bar soap, with a flannel or shower puff. Dettol laundry cleanser in the wash with his clothes should help as well

Glycolic acid can help with bacteria and smell. Start with low ish percentage a few times a week.

A bar of soap and a flannel, African net sponge or similar and scrubbing is needed and then washing with a shower gel. Drying really well and applying antiperspirant deodorant twice a day will help.

Definjtely book him in to the gp and ask for blood test for thyroid, liver and kidney function. Diabetes gives an acetone smell if uncontrolled, but that’s really different. Definitely visit the dentist too, get things checked as much as possible.

I hope you find something that works OP. Our DD sweats excessively avd we’ve managed to stop her smelling with Mitchum, soap and washing bedding avd towels at 60, clothes get washed at the highest they’ll stand and she rarely wears anything more than once before its washed.

You probably already know but it's important to use soap rather than shower gel/body wash.

I can see you're getting loads of good advice - my 14 year old has started getting stinky, and things I've done that have reduced it, apart from everything else you've said include washing at 60, with the hygiene rinse, then using my steam generator iron on all his clothes. The first time I did that, there was a smell coming out of the armpits of his t-shirts, but after a few goes around the 60 degree washes and steam iron before they go into his room, and that's stopped happening.

I also steam his mattress when he changes the sheets (with the iron again, since I don't have a steam cleaner), along with the window being open basically all the time at the moment since it's summer.

I will say that I've come off Mitchum myself as I was smelling absolutely rank after only a day or so, and started using one of those new 'natural' deodorants which is basically arrowroot and coconut oil and stuff like that, and I don't seem to be smelling so awful anymore - I wonder if they'd disrupted my armpit flora? I've also moved to non-synthetic t-shirts, as my running shirts before really seemed to hold the smell.

It doesn't seem that this can be resolved with more products and more guidance. There's a difficult dynamic here and it must be tricky to navigate.

How about an alternative, nuclear approach: whilst he's home from university, he needs to have a really good wash with soap, use deodorant and wear a clean set of clothes, every day, and he needs to thoroughly clean his teeth twice a day, every day. This is the bare minimum for staying at home whilst not at university.

How could you enforce that - what are your options? If he can't maintain a basic standard of hygiene, he needs to stay elsewhere?

I'm quite sensitive to smells and I would feel physically sick if I had to deal with this for two weeks.

I wonder what your parents' long game is. What if he went to stay with them and stunk their house out, would they change their tune and begin to make suggestions on showering etc?

Is it actually your son or his clothes that smell?

Washing synthetic fabrics at 30 degrees, he is going to be left clothes that still smell of sweat.

Everything needs a soak in white vinegar.

The BO is clearly not his fault - clearly not the product of laziness or dirtiness. It should be broached as the medical problem it is, rather than as a moral failing.

Oh I forgot that - yes, DS's blazer absolutely ponged (wool) - I soaked it first in white vinegar, then in bicarb (or possibly the other way around) and it's fresh as a daisy again.

You really need to attack on all fronts - if you're washing, but getting back into a sweaty bed, in clothes that let out smell when they warm up, you won't have success

That’s very disappointing on so many fronts.

I really hope uni is going okay for your son. Have you visited him there? Youd imagine that having a peer group and the prospect of a girlfriend would have copped him on a bit.

he may be standing under the water in the shower but not actually washing his pits and crevices. Ditto teeth - he may not be brushing properly.

if you aren’t prepared to be very direct then other than rule out medical causes there isn’t much anyone can do to help 🤷‍♀️ sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind.

Mitchum is a game changer

Does your washing machine have a hygiene setting? It steams the clothes at 60 and lifts out smells (great for musty towels)

Hibiscrub. You can buy it at the pharmacy and online. It removes the bacteria and resets the freshness, it is the only thing that has cured my children's smelly feet for starters. No need to use it every day at all, like I say, it will reset.

My son can smell but I’m quite blunt about it when he does… as in “you smell”. There’s no use pussy footing around it!

Pirsprex helped massively, as did bar soap.

Has he tried Dettol antibacterial soap? We use that as it really helps.
Also Dettol laundry cleanser in every wash (husband runs/cycles a lot so helps with sweat)