Is this too much food for a 3.5 year old?

[Mattressmama]

For context, dd has eaten most of it but left 2 of the crackers. She might go back to them later if she wants to!

I think this is fine for her age.

My mum has said this is excessive and she’ll end up fat like I am if I let her eat this much food! (My mum has lots of issues around food and with me and food growing up and my self-esteem has suffered terribly as a result). I am fat now and my mum hates it.

Dd is on the 52nd centile and isn’t in any way fat. When she has a toddler tummy when younger my mum went on and on about it.

I’m mum’s carer so we are with her daily.

I’ve already spoken to her about not making the comments around dd but she still says them to me and it messes with my head that I’m getting it wrong.

This looks really healthy and normal sized. Your dm is horrible to talk about you and your dd like that.

I think all 3 of mine would have eaten more at that age. All healthy weights. They usually got a small cake and either cheese or yoghurt.

My kids would clear that in seconds. They eat us out of house and home though. My mum makes comments about how much I feed them and how it’s so much more than I ate as a kid, but they’re a lot more active and also I’m not broke so can afford to feed them.

I wouldn't give sliced ham at all and would offer wholemeal bread instead of crackers (crackers only occasionally). Maybe a sugar free yoghurt too?

Your mum has some serious issues. If you actually look at the calories of what she’s had, that’s very little.

Cracker: 35 calories each
slice of ham: 35 calories
Strawberries 100g: 30 calories
cucumber portion: 5 calories

so if she ate 2 crackers and everything else you’d be looking at something like 175 calories for lunch.

Nothing wrong with that, although ham can be rather high in salt.

My just 4 year old is a beanpole and this would be a snack for her. Your mum needs to stop.

Was going to say my 2.5 year old would see this as a snack and she is so far from overweight!
You’ve offered a reasonably balanced plate nutritionally speaking (protein, carbs, fresh fruit and veg). So many toddlers will only eat beige, so your daughter is already doing well with her food and does not need to take on board your mother’s very unhealthy ideas. She has some serious issues. Please, please don’t let your mum anywhere near your daughter’s mealtimes and do not let her get in your head and have you questioning yourself either. You don’t want to pass on the generational trauma by internalizing her vitriol.

If it helps this was a thread a while ago about a 3yo portion
it all got a bit mad though with people thinking bread was tuna but it might make you laugh!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4314544-Is-this-too-much-food?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

At 3.5, DS would have wolfed that as a snack and asked what was next. All kids are different.

Your daughter is showing you she knows exactly what she needs - she left the crackers. Keep going exactly as you are. It sounds like you have an excellent grasp of your daughter's requirements.

Thanks all, this has helped a lot. We don’t live together but as I’m her carer we are there daily.

Your mom is a fossil, she needs to play by your rules, or be relegated from your life.

That's a very normal and healthy amount of food. Absolutely nothing abnormal

My daughter will be 4 in October and she eats much more than than 🙈🙈

I think that's perfectly fine for a 3.5 year old! If anything, mine would have eaten more than that ☺️ I think you need to have a serious conversation with your mum about how she speaks about food and weight around your child!

You need to look into her getting external carers in. She's abusing you mentally. If you were her paid unrelated agency carer you wouldn't put up with this, so you definitely shouldn't as her daughter!

I’d say that’s not really enough, especially when active. Could add a yogurt and maybe a treat like a small chocolate bar or a few crisps. Are the crackers buttered?

I agree with this.

Stop the comments on food entirely or you will leave immediately. I know it seems dramatic but its your girl you're protecting. You know how dangerous saying things like this is.

All you have to do is offer healthy foods then not comment on what or how much is eaten, your child will regulate themselves according to their hunger- it will vary massively.

I'm more shocked that you think any parent of a toddler doesn't know exactly how that toddler prefers their food...

It does not look too much. Mine were huge eaters particularly when they were growing. She is bang on average so clearly you are doing well. It is an easy meal for her to eat and easy for you to alter for variety, she could have rice cakes and hummus, pitta bread and taramasalata, chopped egg and a bread roll. Carrot and an apple etc etc.
My mum was the same with me, she can still be quite rude even though I am much older than you. I always thought she was mean but lately I have begun to wonder if she felt guilty that I had issues with comfort eating and she did not help me. I thought she was criticising me but maybe she was undermining her parenting skills. Sorry I can’t word it correctly.
You sound like a lovely mum with a healthy daughter.

a 3 year old needs between 1000-1400 calories a day.

aprox as don’t know weights or if real butter
calories:

ham: 40kcal
strawberries: 15kcal
cucumber:10kcal
crackers:140 kcal
butter: 100 kcal

so aprox 300

if anything it’s maybe not enough depending what other meals/snacks eaten.

Not an issue in my opinion. My toddler twins could both eat more than that and do most lunch times. They are both slim and in proportion. Your mum needs to keep her nose out. It's none of her business and her attitude is not good

I think it looks like a lot but its not "too much". kids have huge variations in appetite anyway and it sounds like she just stops when she's had enough anyway, which is healthy eating

This.

You can't overfeed a child on normal, healthy foods. Obviously they can get overweight on addictive UPFs, but not on balanced meals like the one you have provided - their appetites should determine how much they eat!

For context, my 4.5yo ate today;

• Bowl cereal with full fat milk and half a banana
• Cereal bar
• Half packet chicken wrap
• Portion pineapple
• Babybel
• Handful of mixed nuts
• Sausage roll
• Third of a pizza
• Large portion of sweetcorn
• Large portion of cucumber
• Large portion of strawberries with double cream
• Slice homemade cake
• Cup of apple juice

Reading it back, not the healthiest stuff today! But you can see, a large volume of food. He's wirey and strong, with a perfectly flat, washboard tummy and not an ounce of fat on him. It's madness to restrict a child from eating, and can only create problems.

It looks healthy and balanced! Food is fuel.