My son was mistaken for a girl

[elliejjtiny]

Admittedly he does have beautiful shoulder length curls. But he is also 17 years old with a deep voice and a moustache! It's not like he's a toddler. No question about gender either, i was just asked what "her" name was by a random stranger. Ds was not impressed at all.

Didn’t happen.

And even if it did, so fucking what? Total non-event.

It's hair. It seems that people are lazy and think 'long hair = girl, short hair = boy'.

I have very short hair, a 36DD chest and very defined waist. I get misgendered at frequent intervals. 'Go and ask the man to help'... It does sting.

Yep - my DH has waist length hair, and has done since the 90’s - gets mistaken for a woman at least a couple of times a year despite having a beard - idiots just assume long hair = woman!

Was the random stranger Alex Drummond?

Umm nope my DS has long (not long-ish) hair and not a hint of curls. He's now 15 first grew it aged 10, used to get mistaken for a girl a lot, shrugged it off with I'm a boy with long hair not a girl. Now at 6'2 and broader shoulders he rarely get mistaken for a girl.

I imagine someone just glanced and saw long hair and nothing else.

I’m more interested in the person who was being routinely called ‘son’ and ‘young man’ in…….2005.

It’s very much longer than that since I last heard those phrases. In fact at 47 I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone call someone ‘son’.

Because it's bollards.

Blimey, the histrionics on here sometimes.
I'm a teacher, and being peripherally misgendered is nothing compared to being routinely mistaken for a wizard, a witch, a police officer, a nurse, a thief, a farmer, a sadist and a sweet shop.

I've had masculine short haircuts for much of my life from my teens onwards. It's still quite funny when someone gets it wrong, the correct response is to laugh! He'll have to get used to it if he keeps it.

My brother used to have long curly red hair. Once we were out at a bar and he got his arse slapped. Turned around and the guy was horrified to see he was in fact a very angry man and not a woman. It’s just part of having long hair if you’re a man to be honest, don’t worry your son will live.

This is what I was thinking.
Lots of men walk around with long hair, deep voices, and moustaches, but they claim to be women (apparently the long hair is all it takes to be a woman). If you misgender them, you’re in for a load of grief. If they’re not trans, they’re much less likely to take offence. Basically we have to take the politically correct option every time these days!

I suspect the random was asking just to point out your son has long hair, which he or she didn’t approve of.

It does sound odd on the surface of it; but he could just have been a nasty person wanting to mock somebody whom he perceived as different and wanting ammo for it.

If OP had said he was called Jack, he might have said "Ha ha, surely you mean Jill with that hair!!!"; or if he were trans and OP said a feminine name, he could have gone off with some anti-trans abuse and stating the obvious in a pointlessly crass, hateful way.

No idea if this is anywhere near the truth or not; just surmising some possibilities.

Ha, serves him right for being such a sexist boundary-ignoring lech!

Sorry for the delay in replying, I'll just blame the summer holidays.

We were in a cafe, me, older ds (17) and younger ds (12). Younger ds is quite chatty so got talking to an elderly lady at the table next to us. She could see elder ds from the front. Younger ds has a fairly unusual name and the elderly lady said it was a really lovely name. Elder ds had his unapproachable teenager face on so elderly lady asked me what "her" name was.

I'm thinking of Barbara from League of Gentlemen

I think the fact the it was an elderly person who asked was probably relevant info that should have been in the OP.

Maybe her eyesight wasn’t good? She may have just seen long curly hair and thought he was a girl. I could imagine my 87 year old mother doing something like this.

It is such a non event - what are you hoping for from this post?

And why are you not teaching your 17 year old to shrug this sort of stuff off? If he goes through life being upset by low level misunderstandings like this he’s going to struggle.

I've read back and I've no idea why I assumed the person asking for the name was a man?!?!

😂

It's really not a big deal. My son (younger) has had it ever since he swore not to cut his hair, he just tells people he's a boy. They say sorry and don't call him a girl again. People make daft mistakes all the time - I've been asked if I was pregnant before when I was slim and in my early 20s, probably just had my dinner! I said... Nope. If nobody can ever make mistakes we're all fucked, quite frankly.

Probably couldn't see - I'm surpised it was not just laughed off.

I remember a friend asking another mother what her girls name was - girl was dressed in bright pink frilly with long pigtails with ribbons in - and mother was very much offended - friend was mortified it was sleep depivation her toddler was going though sleep regression phase and early pg.

DS has long curly hair longer than his sisters - not partiuclarly tall - and deep voice - he'd just laugh it off

My 7 year old has long blond hair. We put in a undercut and people still refer to him a she even in his most boyish clothing. I'm not supprised they called him a boy even with a tash. It doesnt bother me as much as it used to.

This is such a non event! It's an older lady stranger who made a mistake, it's not going to make any difference to his life.

Actually....I think they were probably scared of being transphobic.
Best to assume a bloke with long hair is a lady otherwise you're a TERF.