50 Ways To Leave Your Lover...

[TheBuffetInspector]

Okay - showing my age.

But, in homage to great writer, sometime poster @JDKirk who opened his latest with a bickering couple and
"Push her in a hedge Reg" (which gave me delerious insomnia chuckles)

How would you leave your lover, in a Paul Simon way, using your username?

I was struggling with Inspector so, rather than text her, dissect her, vector (Victor?)

I went for:

Do a smelly guff, Buff.

Get in a huff, Buff.

Drink some Macduff, Buff...

Just set yourself free!

How would you potentially leave your lover?

P. S Gus hops on the bus. @JDKirk
Soz. It's Neish and no DC all over again!

The name explains all. Very dark lol.

Send him on walkabout, Knockabout

Whack him with a sock o' sprouts, Knockabout?

Put her in a grave Dave
Throw her in the ditch Rich
Get a new lodger Roger

Monday, Tuesday,Wednesday and
Thursday I don't care about you..
It's Friday I'm not in love.
Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday Wednesday i'll break your heart
Thursday doesn't even start
It's Friday I'm not in love.

That reminds me of the joke about St Francis of 10CC being the patron saint of not being in love

Shoot him at noon Moon
Tell him some lies Rise
Ebay his ring King(dom)
and get yourself free

Send him up the Garden Path, Giraffe?!

I love this idea, and have just shamelessly stolen it for my Facebook page. I've admitted to shamelessly stealing it, but left it open for you to step forward and claim the credit and glory or not.

'Commit Hari-Kari, Barry,' is mine, by the way.

I would argue it's at least as good as most of the ones in the actual song itself, if not better. I mean 'No need to be coy, Roy'...?

Put her out on the street, Pete.
Lose her at a rave, Dave.

No need to go mental, Gentle
Just get in the jeep, Sheep
He's not worth a lentil, Gentle
Just set yourself free

Put him in the bin, Gin

Just change your phone digits, Bridget...

Yes, this. Without wanting to throw shade on Paul Simon's musical genius, some of the 50 ways (well, a handful that are actually given) are half-hearted and completely ineffectual.

Slipping out the back door, making plans, being coy, hopping on a bus and dropping off a key are just mundane things that people routinely do, completely unrelated to any desire to leave their lovers.

You need to be a lot clearer and more forthright if you want to make sure that they've properly got the message (even if you have to twist rhymes slightly):

Bash his head in with a spade, Jade.
Throw him out of the winda, Linda.
Sew prawns into his armchair, Claire.
Make a TokTok dis videa, Lydia.
Rub Deep Heat in his pants, Nance.
Feed him out-of-date dog food, Jude.
Sell the house while he's at IKEA, Leah.
Force him to watch Mrs Brown's Boys, Joyce.

Get eaten by a dog, Bog
Run off with a moll, Roll
Scoff her Biscoff BOGOF
Just get yourself free

Send him off in a van, Jan.
Kick him into a Gorge, George.

pull the rope taut Starcourt

Drive her up the wall, Paul
Turn a weird hue, Sue
Run down the lane, Jane
Make like a shark, Mark
Say so long, John
Make him feel dizzy, Izzy
Ride away on a pony, Tony

Love this thread!

Make him drink Irn Bru, Sue
And make him drink coca cola, Lola

Sod your moods- dude!

Hit her with a pan, Stan
Give her evil brew, Andrew
Lock him in the dairy, Mary
Or in the loo, Sue

Great song by the way

Just run a mile, Smile!

Give him to a trollop, Dollop
Pull out a gun, Fun