Grandparent childcare this summer

[thebeautifulsky]

I'll start this by saying I'm a Grandparent who happily takes care of our DGD two days a week. She's two and I've been looking after her since she was 9 months old to enable my son and DDL to go to work without the expense of nursery. Her other Grandparents do two days too (DDIL works 4 days). Our DGD is a joy and both sets of Grandparents have a wonderful relationship with her.

I nipped into town today and it surprised me how many Grandparents were looking after grandchildren from babies to probably 10/11 year olds. I don't remember it being like this when my children were growing up. My son and daughter had summer camps etc which were affordable and enjoyable. I know it's the school holidays for most but it made me realise how difficult it must be for working parents without Grandparent support.

So, hats off to those who are juggling work and childcare. I didn't have Grandparent childcare in the 1990's but things seemed easier and less expensive or maybe I don't remember it being as tough as it is today.

Not sure what the point of my chat is, but I'm in awe of parents today juggling work and family.

My dh and I have had absolutely zero childcare from any family . Absolutely nothing, not even if I needed to pop to the shop for 5 mins , in 14 years nothing and no offers .
My mother was adamant she’d never help and has stuck to it , my inlaws have a lot of issues so no help . I had to pay someone when I went into labour and my husband was under pressure to come home the second each baby was born.
Not once in 14 years has anyone in my family offered to help , I’ve had to mind 3 small children recovering from surgery (my dh is fantastic but had to work f/t). I’ve had to bring them to dentists and dr appointments . I work in education thankfully but it would basically be impossible if I didn’t to try and manage.
I am so jealous of the support others get but I just have to let it go as nothing I can do about it and it won’t change. At least it’s made us very independent and resilient . We just have to hope it gets easier as children get older .
And of course we use childcare etc and always have done , babysitting swaps with other parents don’t work here as all parents have help. Also there’s no ad hoc childcare where I am . It just would have been so nice if someone had offered even once or twice a year to take the kids out or do something , same with uncles and aunts. My daughter really notices it now she’s older like why does no one bother even spending time with us🤷‍♀️It’s just the way it is for us , we’ve unfortunately got no support on both sides .

We didn’t have any support from our GPs - and it literally cost us thousands in childcare and taking time out of work.

@WhatNoRaisins it’s the same for us . It feels really extreme tbh . My family won’t even babysit when they are asleep. It’s like a principled thing . We visited a family member once years ago and the kids were all fast asleep , they mentioned that there was a really good restaurant in walking distance and maybe one day when the kids are grown up we could go , yup….

The main thing that I've had to learn is not to compare myself to other mums who can hold down jobs that I'm not able to because they have support that I don't.

Growing up my parents didn't have grandparent help and my mum was either a SAHM or did school jobs until we were older, I didn't feel unusual at all so I'm surprised at how unusual I feel now.

My dps come up for a week and look after the kids, which we appreciate. We don’t have any local childcare and it definitely has affected us.

£40 for a days camp would be cheap here too. This year I also found more camps want you to book for the whole week, which doesn’t work for us as I only work 3 days a week. All day sports camp can be tiring for younger ones, particularly when they also have training for their other sports as well.

@Mumof1andacat£35 for a full 8-6 is a bargain. Ours is that or more for 9.30-3.30 so not even helpful if parent is working full day/commutes!

Don’t compare, it’s actually hugely unfair but that’s life. Parents with family support are incredibly lucky . I’m a teacher which is the only reason I’m actually able to keep a job. I helped a parent recently London get two kids as granny 1 and 2 who swap all week and the aunt that occasionally helps we’re all busy for that one day. The irony that I have never had a single family member help and I was helping a person who’s family literally rotate care🥲Unfortunately I think it breeds unsupportive environments, my mil is getting old and ill and she’s alone , she tried to hint at my daughter helping her overnight sometimes, I’m a person who would help strangers and have done but my daughter was horrified. Like disgusted. She doesn’t know or like this woman , Im totally honest though , absolutely no chance that’s happening 👋 Pity but that’s the way it goes. And it isn’t revenge , simply there’s no relationship there , we are now struggling with col having had absolutely zero physical, financial, emotional help . We have always been alone so now our kids are getting older we intend on getting our lives back. Happily volunteering with charities though!

I too wonder how the younger generation cope with the huge costs of mortgage, childcare and life in general, it must be a massive struggle. I never expected childcare from my inlaws (my own parents lived too far away) when DD was born as they were nudging into their 70s and we wanted them to enjoy her. They'd babysit occasionally when she was a tot but when she was around mid-primary school they'd take her for a week or two in the summer holidays to spend time with her. She absolutely adores her grandparents and in turn she lights up their life. It's a very special relationship.

I was picked up from primary school by both sets of GPs in the 90s as my mum was single and worked full time. Sadly me and DH only have one parent left between us and while she is wonderful she is mid 70s and it feels unfair to rely on her to look after our two small DDs so full time nursery it is. Costs us a bloody fortune.

“Affordable” summer camps. Round my way for a whole day its £40 per child. Who can afford this for the majority of 6 weeks?

Unfortunately some of us GP are still working FT so unable to help with DGC. I still help but my DGC live 3 and 5 hours away so I, usually, have to take the day off before and after I am needed so I use a lot of my annual leave to help.
When I retire I will have the time but not the funds to help!

I mean it’s a combination of things. Some (not all of course) grandparents are much more active and healthier than their grandparents were at their age so are more able and willing to provide help; and many more family units are either single parent families, or both parents are working, so need help.

My Mum worked so my Nan looked after me and my Mum looked after my two when I worked. There were no alternatives when I was little & my Mum had to work for financial reasons, as did I. I couldn't have afforded alternative childcare or holiday clubs. Grandparents are a Godsend.

It’s nice if GPs are physically fit and wealthy enough to help, but it shouldn’t be assumed that or taken for granted. GPs shouldn’t have to sacrifice their retirement plans . Some seem to look after GC every day all day. I imagine there must be some resentment however much they love their GC. It’s physically, mentally and financially draining, especially when what they really want to do is have a lie in, relaxing day and carefree holidays, hobbies, etc. They don’t want to let their children down, so are lumbered for years.

I was at primary school in the 90s. Dad worked full time plus Saturday morning overtime, and that meant my mum working 3 hours in the evening was enough. No childcare required.
That isn't enough anymore. :(