Could/would you have someone to stay right now?

[DancingLions]

If they rang your doorbell and announced they'd come to stay for a few days.

Relative and I are in disagreement! Relative thinks it's a nice surprise and if the visitor doesn't mind what state the house is in and/or whether you need to leave them to go to work, then it's all fine. You should be happy to see them and grateful they made the effort. I think it's massively inconvenient and would far rather know the person is coming so I can prepare, maybe book a couple of days off etc.

We're struggling to see each others view point on this so I'm curious as to what other people think.

I think it depends on whether it's someone you love and are happy to see! My best friend has turned up on my doorstep out of the blue before and I was delighted, she just said I thought I'd surprise you ☺️ it's not a massive inconvenience to change a bed and get a takeaway and crack open a bottle of wine 😁 there are some relatives I wouldn't be thrilled to see though!

Outside of an emergency that's unbelievably rude behaviour just turn up expecting people to be able to host - you could have plans, being going through a rough patch with a partner etc. There are so many reasons why it may not be convenient.

Yeah, I could have someone to stay tonight with little / no bother. I’d need to move the airer out of the spare room and make up that bed, but otherwise house is always in good enough order really. Would I want someone to stay tonight with no warning? Not really. The only reason someone would do that would be for an emergency and so it would be stressful to have a friend / relative in such a position!!

My children could turn up at any time of day or night and would be welcome to stay. This would probably extend to my siblings, although I might be slightly less enthusiastic. Relatives beyond that would need to pre arrange unless it was an emergency.

Depends who and maybe why.

Son flying in from abroad - absolutely.

Friend in dire need of support - absolutely.

Friend just turning up as at a loose end for a few days - nah!

It would depend who it was and why they wanted to stay.

Depends on who is visiting and who is being visited

personally I prefer a day or two notice and the ability to say no - seems risky to assume the visited party won’t have any plans

Depends. My brother turning up, because he has a meeting locally, then that’s fine.

Someone else turning up, wanting to be fed, watered and entertained, then not fine. It’s not the state of the house, so much, but the inconvenience, and presumptiousness of the visitor.

in this day and age, there no excuse not to phone first.

Only in an emergency, for example if the visitor's house had been flooded or she was fleeing domestic violence. Anyone who assumed it was OK to turn up unannounced would probably get crossed off my contact list.

Seriously, that’s your framing? You wouldn’t do it because you know that some people are ‘antisocial’, like your parents?

Not because, say, you can understand that people legitimately have existing plans or busy lives that take up all of their energy, and it would be more considerate to call first?

To me this makes you sound judgemental and mean, not so much like a ‘social creature’, but congrats on your multiple spare rooms I guess

God no. Even if the house was pristine, the spare room set up, I wouldn’t be visitor ready.
I’d need at least a month’s notice to give me wiggle room to get out of it.

Wow, that’s what you take from that?

My parents were antisocial and would be the first to describe themselves by that term. They didn’t like guests. They hated people ‘dropping in’. I am the opposite. It was a simple example of understanding how people are different, and an answer to the question ‘since you like it, would you do it’.

But crack on with the character assassination.

God no. Unless their house has burnt down or similar and they have nowhere else to go, turning up unannounced and expecting to stay is just rude. We have a perfectly acceptable Holiday Inn down the road, they can stay there. Planned visits, no problem.

Not at all, we're in the middle of painting and waiting for new wardrobes so everything is in the spare room. We'll be on the sofas tonight as it is!

If they don’t mind sleeping on the floor, fine.

No, personally I've not got space but I don't like to be dictated to what I do with my time. I think it's rude to assume that people don't have plans or are not happy to enjoy their own space and time.

If someone turned up in need of course there would be space for them.
We don’t currently have a spare bed but I’m presuming either there’s been a crisis and so wouldn’t care less about having a choice of sofas but no bed or it’s not a crisis and just an off chance while passing and so also wouldn’t be picky.
The house is always tidy and an acceptable level of clean and our door is always open to guests so they’d be welcomed in with a hot meal and a glass of wine.

Always have a bed made up, for an emergency visitor. We have six people staying tonight for a family gathering and the bedding/ towels alone was enough to send me near to the edge( lighthearted)

Absolutely not, getting ready to redecorate so it’s a bit of a tip at the moment.

The house is generally clean and tidy enough for visitors but if someone just arrived on my doorstep randomly expecting to stay, unless there had been a crisis, I'd think they were being incredibly rude.

It would be fine here, our house seems to be a refuge for waifs and strays. My kids bring random friends home from uni/college all the time. We have a surprise friend staying for the summer after a bit of an issue with her parents not having enough room.

If they had been evicted or were fleeing a bad situation, then I'd take them and be glad they knew I had their back. If they just fancied visiting for a few day, I'd consider it very rude not to have arranged it with me in advance

I could, and would, put someone up in an emergency. Adult DC who has broken up with their boyfriend. Friend who has had a burst pipe and the ceiling has come down in their house. Acquaintance fleeing domestic abuse.

I'd not consider it 'a nice surprise' if my DM or DMIL (or any friend, however good) turned up unexpectedly announcing they'd come to stay for a few days without any notice. I'd consider it bloody rude, and wonder why they thought people should drop everything for them on a whim.

The only people who can do that are my adult kids. In which case, they are always welcome. But they would still at least have the courtesy to phone and say, 'can I come home for a few days?'. The answer will always be yes.

Depends which relative really. My brother, my SIL, either or both of my nieces - hell yes, come whenever you want and stay as long as you fancy. Anyone else - nope nope nope nope nope.

You're absolutely not weird for either welcoming this, or being horrified by it. It's a very personal thing!

Which relative, OP? I’d be very put out! One spare bedroom is mine, I almost always migrate during the night, all my clothes are in there. The other is the study, massive desk to accommodate the 3D printer, no bed/floor space.

I used to hate my parents telling me when they were coming, they never checked if their dates were ok and often, my DH would be on night shift, as would my nearby brother. When I dared to tell them no, there’d be a massive fall out. They were retired, we were full time working.