He keeps making me uncomfortable when collecting DS

[Changednamesforthis123]

Long story short, divorced a very abusive man, used divorce settlement to buy a house 4 years ago, ex collects child from house and drops there, court ordered and I can’t meet half way due to the need for witnesses if I am around him)

Ex and I do not speak, he blocks me on everything so I can’t have this chat and if I did he would do it more.

Our houses in our road have a thing in the deeds that the front must be open, so no fences/bushes etc, so it’s a small patch of grass and a path to the door. It’s maybe a 4ft width so right by the windows.

Every time ex picks child up he walks over my garden, which allows a view into the window (double windows so can see on either side) then when he returns he inevitably thinks of a game that needs him to run all over my front garden, again able to see in. I have cameras and I can see him divert course to do this.

Yesterday when he came he saw our DS looking out the window to see if it’s his car, so he ran across the garden and peered in the window at which point I saw him.

I am now getting on edge when he turns up, because he won’t respect any boundaries. If I go to his I knock on the door and go and wait, I do not run on his front garden or peer in the windows.

I know it’s control, he begrudged the settlement so feels in a way it’s “his” house, so can behave how he wants.

He also turns up, cranks the radio up, opens the window and literally screams along to music, generally parked across someone’s drive to increase irritation.

Any ideas on how to deal with this? Like I said, no fence/bushes can be put up and he would probably hurdle that to prove a point

If you have blinds, close them when he's due. If you don't, get some. Or close the curtains.

I do have them, but I don’t necessarily remember to do it, and really I shouldn’t have to.

Close the curtains. If you forget just ignore him. He’s doing it to irritate you, don’t give him a reaction at all. He’s just making himself look like an idiot blasting his music etc

Encourage your dog owning neighbours to (temporarily, explain the issue) use your grass as a toilet and not pick up - don't mow the grass and it'll be less obvious. Bet he'll be sooo busy trying to look in he won't look down.😂

Buy some one-way glass reflective film off the likes of Amazon.

Get a motion-activated water sprinkler set up, particularly during the warmer months.

Both the one film and the sprinklers without warning him.

This is his little bit of petty revenge Op, he won't stop for you and the police won't be interested. Don't let him get to you, it's what he wants

Whilst you shouldn't have to close blinds I would.

I'd also make sure the DC are ready to go. Bag by the door so a quick hug/kiss and goodbye. Then close the door.

I wouldn't raise this with him. He'll know he is getting a rise from you and that's exactly what he wants. Plus it sounds like he won't change.

My ex was like this. He was embarrassing himself outside of my home and said far more about him than me.

Yeah, I spoke to the neighbours because he is so loud, he screams to music in this high pitched voice, but he also performance parents in the street (again loudly) and they are fine about it and say he’s clearly a dick

@Changednamesforthis123 I'd take comfort in this.

How old are your DC? I found it a lot easier when I could say goodbye to them from a separate room in the house.

These men just cannot relinquish control and unfortunately he's just going to be the gift that keeps giving.

I'd take the video, add comedy music and post it on line under the "stupid things controlling, abusive ex husbands do to try and wind you up".

Hes 10.
Ex hates the fact I bought the house with “his” money so does things you wouldn’t do at someone else’s, he’ll block people in, he literally hammers on the door with his fist (despite a doorbell) and he’s so loud.

Everyone here thinks he’s an arse, so he’s not probing anything beyond that he is an arse.

DS eve asks him to shut up, because we can hear him indoors, clear as a bell, through double glazing so he is loud

Buy some window privacy film on Amazon then all he’ll see is his own reflection.

Get the privacy film and all he will be able to see is his own pathetic reflection. I'm glad your neighbours are nice, that makes a big difference.

I do have them, but I don’t necessarily remember to do it, and really I shouldn’t have to.
Of course your shouldn't have to but if it helps, why not?
Set an alarm on your phone before they are due.
The one way film for windows is a good idea as well

I had blinds fitted.. Exh's solicitors wrote demanding I remove them as he could no longer see into my home.
Strangely the judge didn't agree with him.
How odd??
Set an alarm reminder on your to shut them. And set up garden sprinklers. Fitting for our recent hose was a fiver...
Set a reminder to turn the outside tap on....

Your poor DS.

Do you have a Ring doorbell? That may just prevent any escalation and also perhaps the thought that you may be able to expose his idiotic behaviour to others may rein him in?

Really the only thing you can do is not let it bother you. He’s so clearly an arse that anyone uninvolved would just find his behaviour sad and pathetic. I do understand why you feel uncomfortable but the best recourse is just to work on being unbothered by his ridiculous behaviour. Your neighbours sound like they get it which is great.

The whole outside is covered by cameras and his idiocy is saved to the iCloud!

If you got shutters fitted you can angle them so they are open and let light in but people outside can’t see in

Get blinds up. Never mention a word to him about it or in earshot of dc. It's the rise he wants, never ever give it.

Practise a blank, bored, patient expression and use it whenever he picks up.

Get some blinds up and close them. No, you shouldn't have to but if it's a choice of that, or him peering through your windows it's a no brainer and that's what blinds are for.

Also the idea above about a fox or cat scarer spray attached to a hosepipe, my neighbour has one and it goes off like the clappers, he's always setting his own off because he forgets it's there and ends up with very wet jeans. Would be perfect for this situation.

Let him do his pick and drop off performance, that's who he is shining through.

It might be worth looking into the deeds thing. At lot of the time this kind of thing was put in by the original house builders, who've long since ceased trading/stopped caring, so it might not be enforceable.

Just close your curtains or blinds

Voile curtains.
Angled blinds.
You know when he's coming, so prepare.