(NOTE TO ALL - THIS IS ME STARTING TO REPLY TO POSTS ON PAGE 5).
Hey sunflowerintherain
Hmm...how to put this into words...
Sometimes our past becomes a self fulfilling loop. And even when we come to terms with us (obviously) not being to blame for our childhood, we may still blame ourselves for things that have happened in adulthood as a direct result of our childhoods.
The battle becomes recognising this pattern and confronting that so as not to get stuck in toxic patterns, shame and self blame.
And after all that, there comes this overwhelming sadness. As counter intuitive as it may seem: if you have got to this stage, you are already healing. Because you can look back at that child you were and say "I didn't deserve any of that".
The wheel of fortune talks about how the future, can always change. It urges you to look at how far you've come. (Even if you don't feel it) you have done wonderfully just getting this far and you should be so very proud of yourself.
The temperance card asks you to be patient and kind with yourself. Everything has a cycle and you will get through this.
It may seem odd to say to 'forgive yourself' because, it's not like anything was your fault. But sometimes the body holds onto this childhood feeling of "what have I done to deserve this?". And you have to recognise that and confront it. To get it out of the way before you can grieve.
I don't know if you have done this yet.
If not, I suggest writing a letter to your childhood self and telling her that none if it was her fault and she is so loved.
Because anger and shame are far harder to shake than grief.
Wishing you all the best on your journey xx