Feel sad for my little boy

[Mamabear23679]

My son is about to leave primary - he leaves tomorrow .

He has had a little crush for a while and he decided to tell her. He’s a quiet , sweet boy and he was really nervous. They all seem to be having girlfriends and boyfriends in the class - way too young but it’s all innocent - he got on well with this young girl and they spoke a lot outside school . She said no.

Thos is absolutely fine! She then told everyone in the class - again, not an issue she’s just a little girl and they’re all so young.

The sad thing is , her and her friends have today wrote some really unkind things in his leavers book. Things like “ you’re so ugly “ , “ why did you think she would say yes “ , “ I would rather die than date you “ , saying things about his size , that he’s already conscious about , and horrible names .

What do I do about this ? He will never see them again, he doesn’t want me to say anything and said it’s just jokes , but the messages do not look like jokes to me. It’s his last day tomorrow so I haven’t spoke to the parents as I don’t want him dealing with that. I have messaged his class teacher though as they will be signing shirts tomorrow and I don’t want nasty messages. He can tear the pages from the book , but not his shirt.

I feel so sad for him

The pages have already been ripped out

That's awful, I imagine from my own feelings at that age that she does not want to get into these more adult relationships and is really pushing back to ensure it's clear. Totally not acceptable how they've gone about it though and think you've done right in making the teacher aware.

That's awful. He's dodged a bullet OP , just make sure he remembers this is those girls not all girls and play him Sk8R boy by Avril Lavigne 😁.
I would think the parents of the girls would want to know if they're behaving that way

Absolutely disgusting behaviour. Who would even think to write that down? At least he knows what she and her little coven are really like.

Oh sorry, Op. I agree with everyone’s comments.

And can I just ask if you have a daughter please speak to her to not use mean words - it almost seems like when girls are rude to boys it’s minimised or ignored. It’s gone the other far end of teaching girls to be kind. There’s a middle ground! Boys are children too.

Are you? Really?

I'm 56. It was normal at that age to have a 'boyfriend' , play kiss chase & draw lots of heart with arrows through them & your initials,

nit much had changed in 45 years!! 🤣

@Mamabear23679 poor little DS. It's crushing at that age. Nasty little girls! I hope it doesn't destroy his self confidence completeky. Hopefully the teacher will remind them only to write nice things on t-shirts & if they can't be nice - not to write anything!

This is horrible behaviour from children old enough to know better. I would definitely be informing the parent’s of the children. Your son has done well to not internalise it and to see is as a reflection of them and not him.

Nah, what he's said is fine! I think it's good he's come to that conclusion, support him, don't 'have a word'. He's said the conclusion he has come to, he didn't call her terrible names!

Yup I agree, he hasn't gone full on unpleasant....just made clear what he won't tolerate.

It sounds like you’re doing a solid job with him so well done for trying to handle it with care and consideration for the other party who is involved. Social media just adds another dimension of difficulty when raising teens. Just keep talking and encourage him to be open with you because so far he’s handled it with some maturity and I suppose that’s down to how you’ve raised him.

i would alert school and parents to what the girls have said because they should be held accountable for it.

@MindfulSis
It is a “rite of passage “ for many primary school leavers. My son is now 21 but I remember his last weeks of primary and they all seemed to have “girlfriends” and “boyfriends”. It lasted for short time and all the “relationships” were over as soon as the holidays started. It was all just innocent kiddy stuff. Apart from declaring that they were “in a relationship” nothing changed and they kept playing together, same as before. It was their way of showing younger children how grown up they were.

It was definitely not like this in my school 😅 what you described sounds very innocent though and the danger is with these young children the relationships are causing cruel behaviour from some children.

This is just awful. Your poor son & he sounds absolutely lovely too. Kids & girls in particular are so mean, Y4-Y6 especially.

I would speak to the teacher, they need to be called out on this behaviour. Awful thing for him to read. If I was a teacher, I’d want to know so I could speak to the girls.

So cruel. In my sons year 6 in in primary, I can tell you many of those children were definitely not sweet and innocent. There were some really horrible girls and boys in his year. Products of the parents. There were some nice kids too. But there were a bunch of foul mouthed, horrible kids who no doubt will grow up to be horrible adults. Thank god your son hasnt got to see them again.

This is exactly what I came here to say. Take a photo and send to the class WhatsApp. Absolutely no way should they get away with such vile and bullying behaviour.

Oh op, that is awful but it does seem you’ve raised him brilliantly based on his initial reaction to it, very mature.
with regards to his meme, I can see why you’re a bit unhappy with it but it wasn’t outright nasty and shows others he’s not a pushover, it’s not a bad thing

Jokes are funny.

This isn't.

Got to say I agree with this. Girls can be so mean and insecure and laser focused on looks at secondary school. It seems even worse these days with social media. I’m sure they will receive the same treatment in the coming years being judged on their looks, clothes, dress size. Ordinarily I wouldn’t wish that on anyone but a mild level of this is probably what’s needed to knock them down a peg or two.

Don't tell him off. He's learnt a valuable lesson and has dealt with it in his own way. That girl will see it and know it's aimed at her.

Actually I'm not one for tit for tat generally, but I feel like that was quite a reasonable way to stand up for himself.

That’s really mean. I have no advice but I’m sorry, your poor little one.

I'm so sad reading this, poor DS, he sounds amazing. My DS, same age, recently had a crush and spent weeks mustering up the courage to tell the girl how he felt. I was nearly sick to my stomach at the thought of a mean rejection. Thankfully she let him down gently and said she would rather stay friends, her friends were very kind too. I was so relieved for him, I hate that this happened to your DS.

Your poor boy to have those things written in what should be a special thing for him.

When my son was ‘dumped’ in less than kind circumstances, I just said it’s absolutely right for her to tell you that she doesn’t want to go out with you. But her actions have shown you what kind of person she really is, so you are actually lucky to seen that early on and not really got involved.

I explained that relationships/feelings can be complicated and difficult, sometimes it will be the other way around when someone likes you more, but this is a lesson that it’s important to always treat people with kindness.

I second this. I have a daughter the same age. I’d want to know.

And in terms of the meme, I’d advise him take it down. Not because there’s anything wrong with what he’s posted, but it will give her and her friends something to react to / talk about and prolong it further. No public reaction is better and he can just move on. I wouldn’t encourage him not to talk about his feelings, it can be good to acknowledge or verbalise them, but just try and avoid SM drama