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Original poster

Toddler care during labour

59 replies

Kl86 · 17/07/2025 10:51

Mother in law has asked if our neighbours could look after 3 year old if we unexpectedly go into labour in middle of the night. Apart from passing conversation we don't know them too well and I also feel I don't want her help at all based on this. Any thoughts? And I am searching for babysitters in the wiltshire are who can help with this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kl86 · 17/07/2025 16:21

Pinty · 17/07/2025 15:01

How far away is your mother in law. Is she just asking whether there is someone who lives close by who can look after your child if necessary until she can get to you?
My friend and neighbour looked after my eldest when I was having my second child.

20 minutes away, in neighbouring town, when there is no traffic

OP posts:
Original poster
Kl86 · 17/07/2025 16:25

gotellsomeone · 17/07/2025 15:57

Which is totally fair, it’s not her responsibility. You clearly don’t like or trust her very much but yet seem to expect and be happy for her to look after your child.

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I dont like having her look after our daughter and I don't ask, I swap childminder days around sometimes if I have work instead of asking for help. She wants to spend time with her sometimes which is fine although I don't agree with her having her just for the fun times and not the difficult ones too. We didn't ask for their help in emergencies either

OP posts:
Original poster
Kl86 · 17/07/2025 16:31

BluntPlumHam · 17/07/2025 16:13

Since when do grandparents have zero responsibility towards their grandchildren? Honestly worlds gone mad and then we cry about isolation and loneliness in old age. Relationships of any sort are a two way street.

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And I would help friends, family and neighbours if I'm capable and they needed me, I try not to expect a lot or the same from others but I can't help but feel that I would not be impressed or so close to people who don't have the same mentality

OP posts:

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3 year olds Families
Squishymallows · 17/07/2025 16:49

Can you make some friends while you’re pregnant?

OatFlatWhiteForMe · 17/07/2025 16:57

Could you ask if your childminder would help? I can’t fathom not wanting to be there to support DD and SIL.

Chipsahoy · 17/07/2025 17:33

Ask family 45 mins away. I have my babies super quick, didn’t make it to hospital second time. But my parents still made it.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 17/07/2025 20:29

@Kl86 yet some people still wonder why others are so anti mil!!! what does your dh think of his mother about this??

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 17/07/2025 20:51

Would you consider a home birth at all, or is that not an option (I know it doesn't suit a lot of people). My 2nd baby came within a very short period of time (woke up at 1.30am with some cramps, baby born at 3am). Luckily my mum had moved in with us for the 4 weeks leading up to it, so it was easy to just leave quickly as I knew it would be fast. I think even if it's family 45 mins away you might need an emergency option, perhaps husband brings toddler asleep in the car with you and drops you, or a friend on speed dial? Before my mum moved in for the last bit of pregnancy I had an nct friend from my 1st pregnancy ready to go, as she knew my toddler well and lived close. I don't think it's a wild suggestion from MiL, when my daughter had a nasty accident I dropped my (then) 4 yr old off at our next door neighbours so we could both go to the hospital (one holding her hand together, 1 driving), we'd only met a few times as we were new to the area but they had children and we just had to go with it as we knew nobody else and didn't fancy dragging him with us with all the blood, screaming and trauma. Having said that, it doesn't matter what I or MiL think - it only matters what you and DH think.

theriseandfallofFranklinSaint · 17/07/2025 21:05

I don't agree with her having her just for the fun times and not the difficult ones too

What??? Grandparents are the ones who are allowed to do the fun things. Are you saying that in order to have fun with your daughter, she has to endure e.g. a tantrum or sleepless night too? Odd.

StMarie4me · 17/07/2025 21:12

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 17/07/2025 20:29

@Kl86 yet some people still wonder why others are so anti mil!!! what does your dh think of his mother about this??

Edited

So because this one is bat shit we all are?!

You’ll be a MIL too one day.

Goldbar · 17/07/2025 21:25

It is unhelpful of MIL, but if you trust your neighbours, I would ask if the wife might be willing to come and sit in your house for an hour until other family members arrive as a back-up if needed. We get on with our neighbours but are not close, and I would willingly do that for any of them - it's just neighbourly and (hopefully 😂) not going to be a regular request. As a neighbour, you're the closest person on the scene and can come without much trouble.

Original poster
Kl86 · 17/07/2025 21:32

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 17/07/2025 20:29

@Kl86 yet some people still wonder why others are so anti mil!!! what does your dh think of his mother about this??

Edited

He feels the same way and he's disappointed, I feel sorry for him because I can see his step dad calls most of the shots and his mom listens to him and most times is controlled by him and there's nothing her son can do about it. So he tries to take it lightly and poke fun at them, not take them too seriously. Any help asked for turns into calculated IOUs so he's not comfortable asking for any help

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/07/2025 21:34

I agree, I would ask a few neighbours if they'd be ok in an emergency to sit in the house with the big kid until the MIL or babysitter arrived

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/07/2025 21:35

Luckyingame · 17/07/2025 14:34

If "we" go into labour?
I would be gawping, if a neighbour expected me to look after their child.
Am I missing something?
😂

I wouldn't think twice about popping into a neighbours home to be with a sleeping child while they waited for family to arrive to avoid the baby being born on the kitchen floor or car (happened to my friend!) if I didn't have my old child to sit with of course

Goldbar · 17/07/2025 21:44

Luckyingame · 17/07/2025 14:34

If "we" go into labour?
I would be gawping, if a neighbour expected me to look after their child.
Am I missing something?
😂

It's not looking after the child for the whole of the labour, it's just covering a gap until family who might live further away can get there. I'd definitely do that, especially at night when the child is asleep. I'd just have a bit of a kip on the sofa until the family arrive.

CarpetKnees · 17/07/2025 21:51

Kl86 · 17/07/2025 14:12

I think it's the latter, she speaks to them in passing when she visits and they have each other's numbers but apart from that neither of us spend a lot of time with them or know them very well

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Slight tangent, but why do your MiL and your neighbours have each others' numbers ? Confused

CarpetKnees · 17/07/2025 21:53

theriseandfallofFranklinSaint · 17/07/2025 21:05

I don't agree with her having her just for the fun times and not the difficult ones too

What??? Grandparents are the ones who are allowed to do the fun things. Are you saying that in order to have fun with your daughter, she has to endure e.g. a tantrum or sleepless night too? Odd.

Absolutely agree.

What an odd attitude.

CarpetKnees · 17/07/2025 21:55

I agree with so many others - I would ask the relatives who are 45mins away if they will come in the middle of the night, and, also ask various neighbours how they'd feel about been woken in the middle of the night to sit with your sleeping toddler until your other relatives arrive in an hour or so IF you feel the baby is likely to come before the relatives can get to you.

I would happily do that for any neighbour. It would be my privilege

BluntPlumHam · 17/07/2025 22:39

CarpetKnees · 17/07/2025 21:53

Absolutely agree.

What an odd attitude.

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Nope, she means that she expects them to be there for the good and bad, the tough and easy times.

Original poster
Kl86 · 18/07/2025 06:25

This is a slightly separate topic but they had her for a few hours the other morning while we were having an ultrasound scan and we arrived earlier than expected, they were feeding her McDonald's. She's almost 3 and we try to avoid giving her salt, sugary food, anything with palm oil. We also reduce TV as much as possible especially overstimulating shows. And they know this, they followed this meal with a chocolate digestive and cocomelon. and that same evening at my brother in laws birthday (where she mentioned this neighbour emergency thing) kept giving her sugary chocolate cake with those coloured sprinkles on top while I kept trying to take them away. It's not the first time they give her junk. I am so pissed off and I'm not going to let her go there without us anymore.

OP posts:
minnienono · 18/07/2025 07:00

Unfortunately you criticising their choices when they are watching her is not going to make them favourable to helping you, if you want to dictate how your child is cared for you need to pay a professional, grandparents get to feed the cake and McDonald’s, also they get to do the fun stuff

dontwannadothis · 18/07/2025 07:10

Are people reading different updates to me? It doesn't sound like this is really MILs decision is such- if her husbands controlling as OP states then it becomes much more complicated for the MIL

crumblingschools · 18/07/2025 07:21

Who are you expecting to look after toddler when you go into labour?

Joystir59 · 18/07/2025 07:24

You can't control what they feed her with when they look after her.

crumblingschools · 18/07/2025 07:25

I ended up going to the hospital at 3am when my contractions very quickly ramped up, went to nearly every minute within about half an hour of contractions starting. Who would you call in similar circumstances, assuming not so nice step dad would like to be called at that time