School faux pas

[TerrysOrangesAreNotJustForChristmas]

I'm mortified and I need help coming off the ledge as I have to take my dd into school today.

I've been taking a classmate of my dd home a couple of days a week as a favour as the mum has just had a baby and doesn't drive.

Yesterday, I collected the boy as usual and was just loading him and my dc in the car when the dad comes running up to the car. No one mentioned I didn't need to take him home but my husband says I should have checked every day to see if he still needed a lift. I just feel really embarrassed thinking everyone who saw thinks I'm a child kidnapper or something and I have another 10 years left at this school!

Was it so bad? Is it not on them to tell me they didn't need me to pick him up or am I just really irresponsible?

You weren't at fault.

And either the mum tells you DAILY from now on (tell her this, explain how embarrassed you were, so she lets her bloke know he was out of order) or you don't do it anymore.

Jeez. Can't even do nice things for people without getting in trouble.

They should be telling you if any change to usual arrangement. It would be much worse to leave him at school in error as dad not coming rather than you and dad try to collect.

Dad is rude. Would give him benefit of the doubt he was in a flap as he panicked but def nothing for you to do differently or feel embarrassed about.

Edit to add - just realised it is your dh who thinks you should check daily, he is definitely incorrect. I expect parents of other children are very grateful for your help and annoyed at themselves for not communicating with you

It was definitely on them.

Don’t worry about it, nobody will have thought anything of it.

I am amazed at your husband's reaction to someone else's mistake. Why does he assume you are at fault here? The parents should have told you about the changed arrangement.

The other parents probably feel guilty that they forgot to tell you they were picking their child up.

I used to pick up a child (walking) on our way to school and collect him afterwards and take him home. Sometimes, though I was never told beforehand, his dad would also come to pick him up in his car and I’d see him coming in the gate as we were heading out of it and wave and the child would run over to him. Not a big deal.

Once there was a school trip that got back later than expected and another child I used to walk to school but not take home was the last one waiting to be collected. I suggested I take him and as the headteacher knew I brought him to school, and wanted to get home and let her staff get home, she agreed, even though this was not the usual after school arrangement. But she knew I was not kidnapping him. We met his big brother rushing to the school about halfway back. He was just relieved I had his brother safely.

What a lot of drama over absolutely nothing.

Definitely better that way round than no one picking up the child and the mum getting a phone call from the school

Yes, it’s on them to have told you that you didn’t need to collect their son! You’re doing a nice thing for them - no need to be embarrassed.

Don’t give it another thought op.

You sound like a really kind person.

I certainly hope the dad didn't say anything against you? It's clearly his fault as chances are he decided last minute to pick the kid or forget to tell his Mrs what he was doing that day.

They're really lucky to have you, and they must know that even if you did pick the kid and the parent showed up afterwards you'd keep them perfectly safe. Just forget it and know you were being a good helpful friend. X

If I was doing the school run and saw this exact incident play out in front of me, my first thought would not be “oh she’s kidnapping him”. I’d have noticed you pick him up from school often.

Chances are I won’t think anything, and it’ll have gone out of my head within seconds. I’m probably more distracted with whatever after school ramblings my child is sharing / what I need to grab from the shop / needing to drop a parcel off at the post office / whatever else.

If I do think anything, it’ll be “guess his dad is getting him today”. And then I’ll never think about it again.

This isn’t because I am selfish, it’s because I am the main character in my own life, not you. Easier said then done, but don’t waste your energy on worrying about what other people are thinking. It’s out of your control. But chances are, they’re not thinking about you. Your life is not a priority over their own, and I say this out of care.

This.

Is this usual behaviour from him to tell you that you are at fault. It doesnt sound like he's at the school gate much.

You seem very under confident and anxious. Can you find someone to talk to about this? As it will wear you out.

Honestly, it's a total non-event. You were doing a kind thing, nobody had told you different, they have a newborn and probably just forgot because they're knackered, and anyone else who was around will just see it as a simple lapse of communication. It's not as if the child was left outside the school and nobody collected him, or you were dragging him to the car screaming. Don't give it another thought, honestly!

I once ‘kidnapped’ someone’s child after school and took him to the gym for an hour and half 😂😂 slight confusion as the mom thought I was dropping him home, I thought as I said I was going straight to gym with my children (kidnapped child also a member) she was fine with me dropping him off after 😂😂 . An Understanding mom thank god! The sheer disappointment on his face in the gym 😂😂 in my defence he didn’t say anything and as his mom was at work - she didn’t know he hadn’t got back home, just that I’d picked him up.

Your DH is being a dick head

Your DH is being a know it all - why would you check when that was the normal arrangement and no one had told you otherwise? It was definitely on the child’s parents to let you know. I hope the dad was nice about it

Not your fault and not a big deal.

No one will worry.

When ds was about 8 me and a friend had a misunderstanding about which day she was picking him up. I spoke to her on the phone, and just as I put the phone down, said "I'll be down to pick him up in 5 minutes". And the phone rang. It was school saying "we have ds".
As soon as I put the phone down on school, it was my friend saying "agh... thought it was tomorrow!"
He survived. We thought it was funny. No one blamed each other, and all was well.

It was not your fault at all. Is your DH in the habit of making you feel bad for things.that aren’t your fault? Hope not.

Anyhow I wouldn’t give this a second thought. And no one would have thought you were trying to kidnap the child unless they are bonkers.

Nothing for you to be embarrassed about. It was just a breakdown in communication.

Don't worry about it. You've done them a really nice favour and they probably are thinking the same themselve, overthinking they should have made sure to tell you. Just be friendly and smile and say hello when you see them next at school run

Do not feel embarrassed it is definitely the parents responsibility to let you know. I once had angry parents of my child's friend accusing me of not picking their son up from scouts. Apparently had left me a voice message on my home phone ( pre everyone having mobiles) asking me to do so. I hadn't been home that day ,said child didn't say when I picked up my son " my mum said I'm going with you tonight "!! But apparently all my fault ??? Some parents just need to take responsibility xx

He was only running because he was trying to catch you up before you left.

Your husband is silly.

Your big response to something so minor really isn’t normal.

Did he run up screaming "STOP THAT WOMAN!!!!!!!!! SHE IS TAKING MY SON AWAY - CALL THE POLICE!"

If so, I can understand your embarrassment and I would be stopping the lifts.

If not, then let it go