I had to dump basket mid-shop because of toddler

[Slightlysimi]

Took 2.5 year old to shop after nursery to grab dinner and small top up shop. From the minute we walked in he was screaming he wanted a treat, wanted this, wanted that, just screaming the whole way around.
In the end I couldn’t take anymore and dumped my basket on the floor, picked him up and walked out, trying not to cry.

I was so embarrassed. It was busy in there with lots of other parents with nicely behaved children. I could feel people watching me try and control a screaming and aggressive toddler, then extra shame walking through the town to get home with him screaming “I want my daddy” with big chunky tears and massive snot (I had no tissues).

I’m also embarrassed that I go there regularly and worry the staff will recognise me as the woman who dumped a half full basket on the floor and walked out.

Incidents like this are becoming more common with him and I just want to know if I did the right thing.

It’s not practical or possible to do online only shopping so please don’t suggest that, I just want to hear what others have done in this sort of situation.

Honestly, don't worry about it - the vast majority of people would just be feeling sympathy for you - most of us have dealt with a screaming toddler at some point! I used to tell mine that if they were good in the shop, they could have a little ride on the crappy Thomas ride at the exit - shameless bribery but it worked more often than not! Try and involve your little one in helping put things in the basket and asking them for example 'shall we get apples or grapes today'? But once a tantrum has kicked off, you have a choice - ignore or get the hell out of there!

I think you would be fine for four nights. My kids all started going to bed between 7 and 8.30ish when they were about 3 months. So you should hopefully be able to get a bit of a break in the evening. I would try to plan baby classes and stuff during the day too as they make the day go by faster, they make you feel less lonely and they tire the baby out so they sleep more.

Poor you. My kids are teenagers now. But I still vividly remember the day in Home Bargains, when one of my toddlers threw an absolute shit fit over a toy. I refused to buy it, and she ended up in a pyramid display of sweet boxes, knocking them down and getting her hand caught in my handbag strap mid-fall. Then pulled me over and I stepped on her hand. She screamed worse and louder, and all in front of the reception parents from the school. My other kids just stood there watching.

I was at the time trying to reason with her - at her level- and I had a basket full of stuff to buy. It was possibly the most embarrassing moment of my life. I also felt awful I stepped on her hand, luckily only lightly- but still.

You did the right thing, well done you! I have ditched a trolley full of shopping, carried mine screaming out of the mall (kicking and screaming), loads of very public very loud toddler tantrums.

It’s hard, I’ve definitely shed tears because I felt like I did a bad job of controlling the situation and because I felt embarrassed. But it’s ok, it happens to most of us at some point. Most people will look at you with sympathy because they remember being there.

That’s right…let all the other peaceful shoppers endure your screaming sprog…that’s what gentle parenting is about isn’t it?

I have been there. Also just because the kids you saw were behaving doesn't mean they weren't playing up last week. You did the right thing. Parenting is hard.

Nothing to do with 'gentle parenting' it's about not giving in so it doesn't happen again.

So you’re saying…just let them scream!

Yes. Sometimes.

Poor you, OP. Shopping with reluctant toddlers is awful.

TBH, depending on how much i needed the things from the shop i used to carry on with a screaming toddler. Talking to DC and doing all the things you do to/for a screamer but also getting the things i need. People do judge - you know what? i judge them right back (and tbh you may be surprised, if i hear/see a screaming child and there appears to be no reason apart from being a toddler, i have a lot of sympathy)

nothing to do with gentle parenting and everything about sometimes you have to get the shopping done.

Don't hoik those judgy pants up so far or you'll get thrush. (can recommend cranberry juice for that, don't take a screaming toddler when you go to get it tho)

Well done on a great day's parenting OP! It never feels right but you absolutely handled it perfectly. I've been there and have seen in many times too with other mothers and occasionally fathers. The embarrassment is awful but it's only in your head. Most people if they notice would think 'ah the poor pet is having a bad day'. Staff are so used to this.

Tip - it's fairly well known supermarkets are a place for toddler tantrums. Often going through a bad phase in general or tired or hungry etc... but if your kid seems to be triggered specifically in a supermarket it could be due to temperature regulation, the change between the different areas can cause a sensory reaction/ overwhelm for some children. It's easily manageable by keeping a little cardigan or draping something around the shoulders and removing again.

We've all been there.

I would try and avoid the shops after nursery when he's probably tired/hungry/struggling to regulate.

I'd also use the buggy if he's in this sort of mood. He can still help by holding things/having a list/picking things off the shelf.

Most if not all parents have been there OP. No one is judging just grateful it's not their own. Kids can be a nightmare in shops, especially if they are tired. It's one of those things. My once dragged out the shop screaming toddler is now a well rounded, kind and considerate 6 year old who loves helping in shops, Now it's his brothers turn to terrorise me and everyone in store.
Hope you manage a solo shop soon!

Exactly.👏👏👏
And to the PP saying "fuck other people", well, same to you and your darlings.

Nobody else will care so don’t be embarrassed.

If you want a peaceful experience shop online.

Sounds like he was tired. Could you have done the shop whilst he was at nursery?

So your child will never get used to being in a supermarket.

I am a shop worker and I can assure you that we have nothing but sympathy for mothers (and fathers) whose children give them hell as soon as they get into a shop. We also have far more respect for parents who take their children out (dumped shopping or not) rather than buy them endless 'treats' to keep them quiet.
Most of us have been parents and have been there.

Hope you are feeling better today

Six months ago I took what was then a 3.5 year old DS to M&S. He kept grabbing things, he was given a warning, a final warning and then he was thrown over my shoulder in a firemans lift and we frog marched out he was screaming full volume. Honestly you could have heard every person's jaw hit the floor. Not every day I guess that you see a three year olds legs in the air on the way out of the store. I stood outside with DS put him into a corner where he couldn't run off and we had a chat whilst he calmed down. Five minutes later we walked back in with him holding my hand. A middle aged member of staff winked at me as I walked past her in the same place she had been stood when I took DS out five minutes earlier. I was mortified at the time by having to take him out but also by the tantrum. Now I just look back on it and laugh as will you.

Exactly. I had one item i HAD to buy the other day. I had to just ignore my child's screaming, get the item and get out. I couldnt just leave it or have time to order online just to save everyone else the screams, plus I hadn't the privilege of being forewarned of the tantrum, it only kicked off once we were in the shop!
Obviously in a meal or special occasion I wouldn't inflict that noise on everyone else but sometimes shit gotta get done, I have a whole other household i need to feed and look after.

I always go commando.

you should of took him straight home! He was tired and wanted yo relax at home. What was you thinking? you could of done the shopping when he was a nursery/online or asked your husbands help too do it.

you also need boundary’s when your toddler acts out. Or do you gentle parent him? 🙄