Everyone's died

[SaveUsernameAgain]

My lovely grandparents, my uncles, my beloved parents, my doggies. All gone I now have 2 people left in the world. My DS and DH and that's it. When I think of my childhood and all the family get togethers, it like a stab in the heart.

Getting old is so incredibly hard.

“Whatever people say, friends are not like decent family.”

I don’t agree with this. My family have not
always been supportive but my friends have always been. I consider my female friends as my pseudo sisters and have a male friend who is like a brother to me. I also have sisters and a brother that I was brought up with.

My DGM died two years ago and I realised then that any family ties we’d had, had begun to disintegrate. Eventually they will erode entirely. I’m even more mindful of this as it’s just DD and I at home, no partner. I encourage her always to remember that family isn’t just blood, it’s the people who are there through thick and thin, and who love us. Those are relationships that can be built and maintained.

I have good friends. I value them. But they are not like good family, I never had this, but I see my friends families helping out financially, helping with DIY, and leaving inheritances to each other. Friends very rarely do that.

I always wonder how you manage over Christmas, when there's no one left?

Good friends are better than toxic/poor family members, but they are not better than (or a replacement for) good family members. Blood is thicker than water.

I have had friends come and go over my lifetime, and only have one very close friend left (known her 45 years since we were at junior school...) Although I do have 4 other women in my life (2 of them neighbours) who I class as friendly acquaintances/casual friends who I can call on in an emergency, and have coffees and chats with now and again. Not super close or in each others lives much, but can be classed as friends...

I have found most friends over the years to be flaky, or toxic, or clingy, or unreliable, or bitchy, or jealous, or just generally not a good friend. They have come and gone. My brother and SIL, and niece and nephew, and my DH and 2 adult DC are a constant, and I can depend on them for anything, and know they will always be there... Same with my mum and dad before they died. (And DH's parents too...)

maybe not helpful @Middlechild3
lots of love to OP @SaveUsernameAgain

I hear you. My parents both died when I was in my 30s. I’ve got no cousins, no aunts or uncles or grandparents. Me and dh. Dd spends lots of the time abroad and will be emigrating soon. I hate Xmas! I do have good friends and a great dog. Would you think about another dog? They do keep you good company.

I keep myself as busy as I can in the run up to Christmas and try and volunteer for something on the day if I can. It's not easy, but it is just one day.

If I had all the money in the world, I’d give it away for an afternoon with my dearly departed loved ones. I’d stand on a street corner and watch my dad and pal meet up and go to the pub. Sometimes I fantasise that it could actually happen. I just hope that one day we really do meet up again.

I know just how you feel OP. My grandparents, parents and very close Aunties and Uncles have all died now. I just have my 4 sister's and I'm terrified of losing one of them, my DH and DC plus nieces and nephews. My DH has his Mum still living. It might sound a lot but I recall the huge family get togethers over Xmas with Mum and my Aunties cooking together. I miss my 2 Aunties neither of whom had DC of their own so much.

I hear you.
I have lost my grandparents, dad and brother. Mum has dementia.
I am lucky in that I have a dh and 3 daughters and I guess we will have grandkids at a point.

So sorry op.
I can’t offer much wisdom but some people have a horrible family. Your memories of your lovely family are still yours and they will never go. There is nothing wrong with reflecting on the past and feeling sad. Have you thought about writing your familiy’s story? I don’t mean for publication - I just mean for you? I enjoy doing this. I can immerse myself for a few hours in my memories and it makes me happy.

I think you just have to accept it is your lot in life, even though it's so unfair and not what you deserve. Or try to find others in a similar situation. I totally sympathise with how you feel, as one day I could find myself entirely alone.