Everyone's died

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My lovely grandparents, my uncles, my beloved parents, my doggies. All gone I now have 2 people left in the world. My DS and DH and that's it. When I think of my childhood and all the family get togethers, it like a stab in the heart.

Getting old is so incredibly hard.

Hopefully when ds grows up and finds a partner starts a family there will be inlaws and if you all get on there could be the big family get togethers that way.
Lots of people as they get older especially as the older generation are passing and they themselves become the oldest generation in the family are up for meeting 2nd cousins etc. Why don't you do a family tree see if you can't find some not so long or lost relatives. Not to meet up straight away but chatting online can be a thing.

When my father dies (he's 91) it will be me, sister and cousin. No children, any of us.

I understand how you feel , it's incredibly hard , I count myself lucky that I am not completely alone.
Big hugs ❤️ are you able to adopt another dog ?

I agree op. My parents, pil, grandparents, uncles and aunts are all gone. Unlike you I have a lot of siblings, mostly older than me, and they are starting to suffer from ill health. I feel now that I am going to spend the next few years watching them all get sick and die. I know that's really morbid thinking but it's also the nature and reality of life. Unless of course I go first.

I can relate to these feelings so much. Back in the 80s I was my parents shiny new baby, but now I am just a sad woman contemplating a very lonely future.

I often think the same OP. My parents and all the aunts and uncles I saw growing up all gone. My kids have lost both sets of gp now. It seems surreal sometimes to look back on family gatherings knowing, apart from my siblings, every single one of them is gone. It’s even scarier to think we are now the older ones.

I am 62 and do not even have any siblings left. There may be family I do not know about, but the only one I know of who is still alive is a second cousin who I barely know. Mad to think she is my closest living relative.

I think we said the same (in our 60s!). It doesn’t matter how old you are, it can feel surreal when both parents are gone. It makes me a bit anxious for my kids as I had them later in life and have realistically deprived them of about 12-15 years of having parents. I think that’s why I’m very supportive of their relationships with their steady gf’s as I want them to have secure stable relationships as I get older.

I find the concept of the Circle of Life comforting.

Like all living things, we are only meant to live for a finite time. Then we return to where we came from - a place of no suffering.

Carpe diem.

It's different times isn't it? When I was a child families seemed so huge but now its not uncommon for kids to have only one cousin or even none. I didn't have children due to genetic issues and not wanting to pass that on to another generation but it is sad there are so few children in my circle.

My grandad said to me when I was a child that he'd got to a stage in his life where nobody called him by his first name. He was Dad or Pop or Mr Bridport. (This was the 1960s when people referred to older people in a more formal fashion).

All the people he'd known who'd used his first name - his friends, siblings, parents and wife were dead. At the time I didn't get what he meant or that this might make him sad, but I do now.

He was called Lionel and the loveliest of men. I miss him still.

Does anyone have any tips on how to remain positive and how to enjoy life, even when you are alone / facing being all alone at some point?

i grew up with hardly any extended family, I lost 3 of my grandparents by the age of 13, my nan was not the most loving of women and hated my mum, her only child and she died when I was 38, my half brother is a very troubled person and was taken into care when I was five (so he’s almost a stranger, lives in another country and very little contact) I have no parents and my uncle I lost when I was 20. No first cousins either. Then losing dh at 48 was the final straw.
i do have friends but they can’t understand how I feel, one said she thought I was lucky that I had no family, the peace must be fantastic. Bloody hell.

my dc are my world really and I do have grandkids that I see a lot but whilst I am my kids world and they turn to me I really don’t have that support network for myself.

my neighbours have lovely little garden parties for all their family and whilst it’s lovely to hear them all having fun chatting I find it unbearably sad sometimes to listen too, I just take myself out for a walk or a drive and hope they’ve all shut up and gone home by the time I get back 😂

For me, it’s Christmas is going to be very difficult when my parents are no longer around.

Have a will in place so it’s 50/50 for local hospice and Guide Dogs. If I didn’t have a will, probate laws would mean that my cousins who I won’t see again will get the estate.

As my DF says “Sod the lot of them”

@wetsiper Very true. My children don’t have any first cousins as I’m an only and DH’s siblings all chose to be child-free. I think that was unusual in the past, but not so nowadays.

It's all very sad. I don't think anyone thinks when they have a baby that one day they could grow into an adult who is all on their own.

One thing that I’ve learnt from my Dad’s antagonistic relationship with his siblings is that unless family members really are horrible, don’t keep arguing and falling out with them over minor things! I only remember one really nice family Christmas during my childhood as usually there was tension as someone upset someone else yet again.

In hindsight, it was so ridiculous and my Dad now regrets it.

I say this to my children, they may not end up being best friends but just be nice to each other, life’s too short to be constantly quarreling.

It was realisation that I am the only person who remembers my childhood that freaked me out.

One parent dead, the other demented, all aunts, uncles and grandparents deceased.
I do sometimes wonder if my childhood is just a figment of my imagination!

Find the small things that you enjoy - music, embroidery, the natural world.

Seriously, doing something for others and brightening their day gives an unexpected amount back.

I find it hardest that there is no one alive to share memories of childhood with; no one alive who remembers the childhood house or my adoptive mum's habits, what my adoptive father laughed at. No roots. I'm the only person alive who remembers my mum at all.

Cosspost @golemmings !

Sorry you've lost these family members and the gatherings you used to have. I hope you find a way to get that back through your community or friends. X

Unmumsnetty hugs. I knew exactly how you feel.

I'm just turning 60 and it feels like the best years have come and gone - child rearing - DC are mid 20s - big parties with extended family and old family friends, group camping trips with school parents.

Sooo many relatives have gone over the past decade. Luckily I still have my DM and stepfather but they are 80 now. We lost PIL over the past 12 months so it feels more stark.

PIL were wonderful fun people, so were my stepmum and her family. My grandparents had regular parties and scrabble nights.

Now it's all gone.

I'm hoping that there will be good times to come through. As the older generation go, hopefully there will be weddings and grandchildren in the future. New traditions and celebrations.

I feel for you all who are struggling and lonely.

Things change as we get older and I remember my cousin after his parents died saying that he had a realisation that our generation is next in line to be the oldest and to pop our clogs. Sobering.

But on the upside I think that if you work to cultivate 'friend families ' you can still have a busy house with loud festive and ordinary dinners together. My long standing mum-friends have been with me through thick and thin. We celebrate all the big stuff together and now our kids are big we have more time to spend together. My close friends are constant companions and pop in and out of my life and my home. I've just met up with old school friends and they are wonderful too and share childhood memories.

So I'd say to work on your friend family and throw out old fashioned traditional ideas of what Christmas should look like etc. it will free you and offer up different options.

In time our circles of friends and family will shrink as people die off so it makes it even ore important to live for the now and cherish every moment, especially the small stuff.

And MN will always be here too which has been a bloody godsend for me over the years

I have this big noisy table of people who love one another. We are not related, but these women are my sisters and their children my blood more than my siblings children. We have been there through each of our pregnancies, through deep grief and such joy. We are family who found each other. I treasure it.