Going on holiday with adult dc - experiences?

[BellissimoGecko]

So we have just taken dc to France for two weeks. They are 18 and 21. Luxury gites, private pools. We have generally got on ok but we have had a couple of arguments - thanks ds.

Has anyone else been on holiday with similar aged dc and can confirm that arguing is normal?!

i kind of know it is. We’re out of routine, they are regressing to dc living at home, etc, but it’s a bit depressing too. Any thoughts?

What were the arguments about?

Various things - mainly started by ds. I have talked to him, asked what’s going on, he says nothing, everything’s fine.

We’ve never argued 🤷‍♀️ Adult DCs older than yours. They’re just happy to have a free holiday!

Depends what you mean by arguments? A gentle bicker about where to go to dinner or proper shouting and insulting?

Ok.... What were they about?

When we go away with DS now 19 over the last couple of years we tend to stay in separate rooms in hotels - is more pricey but we all like our own space. We recently went away and stayed in a small apartment with two bedrooms though and no arguments.
I think DS has worked out he is lucky to get his holiday paid for at his age.The only slight mutiny when we we refused to order the expensive red wine he wanted and his bottom lip trembled slightly, but he got over it - poor lamb . Two weeks is a long time though.

No we don’t argue… if they come we’re grateful and if they come they’re grateful so we both tend to be in good moods!

Ours still come on holiday with us, 21 and 20 (along with the younger teen). We don’t argue but we don’t argue at home either.
Not saying it’s not normal though. we always make sure we book everyone their own bedroom (and not just someone on a sofa bed) because we are all used to our own space at home and being able to retreat for a bit on our own if we want and holidays are no exception. I think it does help when they have their own rooms especially for a 2 week holiday. Perhaps they might be a bit more tetchy if they didn’t have it.

DS regularly comes on holiday with us and always has done.
Although TBF it can depend on the type of holiday - a week in a French gite doing ‘death by churches’ not so much, unless it’s in a wine growing or gastronomic area, but two weeks in the Caribbean - hell yes.

We don’t argue. He always has his own bedroom and often his own bathroom too.

Same!

This is the first year that DS1 (29) isn't coming away with me and DS2 (17) but that's only because he's got a full summer of work stuff. But when we do all go away we don't argue- in fact everyone is generally very considerate of each other and our/their feelings.

He and I did get slightly testy one year but it was resolved very swiftly (within half an hour or so).

Since I divorced XH and it's just been the three of us we've always decided together where we'll go, maybe that helps? But we don't really argue at home tbh.

The only real arguments I ever really had with my Mum were when we were on holiday together.

We loved each other very much, but you spend all day with someone you don't usually spend all day with (and how much time do you really spend with your teens at home), and you start grating on each other.

I'd be pretty sharp with someone who was spoiling my holiday. You don't have to put up with bad behaviour.

Every couple of years DS will come on holiday with us. He joined us 2 years ago when he was 23. DS is a late riser who doesn’t eat breakfast so a hotel isn’t for him. We had booked a villa with a pool in Crete which meant he could sleep, swim, sleep, swim as much as he wanted. DH and I just did what we wanted and gave him the option of joining us. He does love it when we hire a boat for a day and always joins us for that but never for site seeing. He joins us for dinner if we go out and that’s what we enjoy the most, just being able to have a relaxed chat with him which can be rare these days. The only argument we had was DS and DH fell out about how to steer/pedal a pedalo on a lake when we went out looking for non existent turtles! I think the clue to a good holiday is to just let them choose when they want to be with you and when they want to space. We found the teenage years much worse with all the strops and sulks.

When DDs were 13-16 there was arguments/ stress. Then lock down hit so we had a few years of no holiday. We did a holiday without eldest dd as she didn’t want to come so it was younger ds and other dd it was bliss no rows. Since then we have had two holidays with all dc and again rows. DDs are 20 and 22 but still squabble unfortunately.

Not normal in my house, but my adult kids (18 and 20) are really close and hand on heart, they've never argued with me ever I don't think (now that is weird when I come to think about it....). Love them coming on holiday as we get to spend proper quality time together.

Yes to letting them have space.

It works naturally for us, DS is a sun worshipper and DH and I like hiding in the shade, so on our recent Sardinian holiday- was too hot to do any trekking - he was spreadeagled on a sun platform most of the day and we were at the back. Not so easy if sight seeing, but generally we go out and do something close to the hotel and get back for about 11 so DS is up and ready to go.

I did have a holiday with dp’s kids and his exwife this summer. No rows but then I wouldn’t have attempted to make anybody do anything and didn’t let anybody stop me from doing what I wanted. It was actually quite interesting seeing dp in ‘dad’ mode. The extra adult probably helped.

We don’t have arguments per se, but there’s a lot of bickering and often a bit of an atmosphere. The DCs are grown up and moved out now, but whenever we get together either on holiday or at home, they seem to bizarrely morph back into their stroppy teenage selves. I find it quite weird, as there’s never any hint of that unless we’re in a group (we have 5 DCs plus partners so it’s not a small group either!)

Yes and yes.

we always do separate hotel room, with no pressure on the adult DC to join any of the activities but I think 18-22 are tricky ages particularly if they’re living away from home.

they’re adult enough to have their own routines and ideas but there is still an expectation of family reliance: in our house if my two eldest DC are bickering then they will look for support from me and DH and get irritated if it’s not forthcoming in the way they anticipated.

I also have two mid teen DC who naturally have less money because they don’t work so we tend to treat them more, not so much on the holiday itself but on the run up e.g if youngest son needs new summer clothes I’ll buy them but adult son might not get as many.

My DS comes on holiday with me every year and we never argue. But we have common interests, go places with lots to do, eat and drink whatever we like. We used to stay in hotels but last year stayed in an apartment but with separate rooms and bathrooms. I pay for everything because I recognise I'm lucky he still wants to come and it's what my DF used to do.

I have 2 DC and have been through the teen years, uni years and are now into the adult years. Apart from the COVID period we have not all lived together since the eldest was 18, but we do still holiday together from time to time. Last one with just the 4 of us they were 23 and 25, for 2 weeks in a 3 bed villa. There were minor disagreements and some strops/sulks, no full scale shouting type arguments though. It didn’t spoil the holiday as I am fully aware of what my DC are like and the chances of us being entirely happy with each other for 2 weeks is zero. This has been the pattern for every holiday I can remember no matter where we were, it is how the family rolls. We have also been away just one parent and one DC and that is usually more harmonious. Put me with my younger DC or both my DC together and there will always be some friction. It is a 15 min disagreement and then we do our own thing or just carry on with the plan.
We are planning another family trip this time with partners for next year.

it is the same with me and my siblings/parents but then the argument is usually louder, but forgotten quickly, I had a monumental ding-dong with my brother when we were sharing a house with our families and our parents about cooking and clearing up, we were both in our 40s and should have know better. We haven’t tried to share a house since, but have taken 2 smaller properties near each other to allow for space.

Depends what it was about and how big an argument it was.

Me and my DB are late 40s and still bicker like when we were kids if we spend more than a couple of days together. He is the ultimate wind up! We don’t have proper arguments though.

I holiday with my DF and we don’t argue.

Not Kefalonia by any chance? With the pedalos/turtles?