Terrible work situation

[TriggerMortis]

Hi everyone. I've reverted to a very old name so I can be candid and open with everyone as I feel like my situation might be very obvious. Sorry it's very long - I want to give full details because I am willing to be told I am an idiot.

I have a terrible work situation - I posted about it before. I made a career jump for a large pay rise almost a year ago. Since then, I have worked for a bullying manager.

The role I thought I was taking up when I made the move was going to be a jump but I had great experience. During the interview process I was exclusively asked about my technical skills to lead a new regulatory reporting process, and I was effectively going to be the company lead on the project, managing internally and some consultants too. I was to be part of a team that didn't really align with the role, but that was because the company is relatively small, so it was shoehorned into the existing structure.

After a rocky 3 months with my manager, who was overly critical of me, has an aggressive management style and flitted between micromanaging and actively being no help at all, I passed my probation. At the time I posted on MN and received lots of advice to quit. I was adamant that I was holding on for my sign on bonus to be paid two months later, which I received. Colleagues have confirmed the behaviour as being unacceptable.

Almost immediately after my bonus was paid, there was a huge incident with my manager which led to me being pursued around the building being shouted at. I was in tears. An apology was mediated via HR, but my manager remained in charge of me. I believe this incident was precipitated by the reporting project I was hired for being cancelled (no one's fault - the incoming law was rescinded).

Since the incident and the apology, my manager's behaviour did change and, although I don't feel comfortable still, we have remained cordial and a lot of the bullying behaviour has abated. However, I have been transitioned into a role I don't want - and I am not very good at. I have significant experience in the thing I was originally hired for, but the new role isn't for me. If you were hiring from scratch, you'd choose a different educational and professional background.

Earlier this week was my mid year performance review. My manager gave strong critical feedback on my performance, saying that I had not settled, was taking too long and with low quality to do the job. I do not disagree that I am not meeting my manager's expectations on some things, but I do believe I have really added value and done a good job in some other areas which are more aligned to my experience.

My manager was being very respectful, and I kind of got carried away in responding to this feedback. I said:

• The elephant in the room is that the negative feedback is on things I wasn't hired for. They may have been mentioned in the formal job description, but I was headhunted for the original role and in the 3 rounds of interview I had, I don't believe anyone mentioned them.
• I am effectively making a career change and starting from scratch in this role, albeit being paid at a senior rate.
• I struggle to take the feedback seriously, not because I don't care about my work, but because it feels so removed from my professional ambitions. I did say, truthfully, that I put a lot of effort into all my work but it still falls short of the mark.

My manager seemed to 'hear' all of my concerns and said that it hadn't occurred to her all these things (I don't understand how or why), but that hearing that made a lot of sense to her and informed her understanding of the last 9 months.

There were other things said - I gave examples of when I felt like she had displayed inappropriate behaviour again. These things were listened to and she disagreed. I am not upset by this as I disagree with her feedback. It's mutual.

At the time it felt great to get things off my chest. I've woken up today basically feeling like I've signed my own death warrant. I'm about to go on a 2 week holiday and feel like I might be coming back to a redundancy notice.

Have I been an idiot or was it really the right thing to do? I have been desperately looking for new jobs but it's been difficult (not least because of the law change...) and I've managed one interview in two months.

Should I have kept up the pretence or was it the right thing to do to be so honest to a bullying manager in a role that I don't want at a workplace I really dislike?

Sorry if this comes across as word vomit - it's been almost a year and I normally struggle to chat about this with anyone.

No, the first £30k of redundancy pay is tax free, but unless OP has a contractual right to redundancy pay, she wouldn't be entitled to it (she doesn't have a right to statutory redundancy pay as she's only worked for the company for 10 months so doesn't have full employment rights). Her employment rights with fewer than 2 years' continuous service are limited, so what negotiating levers do you think OP has?

I would agree with this. It's far more likely than it being you being gossiped about by someone who has never met you.

Your manager's reputation precedes her, clearly. It's not you, it's her!

Assuming there is a Payment In Lieu Od Notice clause in your contract, and there almost certainly is, do note that at being paid out rather than working notice or gardening leave, is fully taxable. As is any holiday pay you get paid out.

PILON is a statutory right, not a contractual one - there won't be a clause in OP's contract anymore than there would be in anyone's because it's entirely unnecessary.

OP. I've just seen your update. Please put this mess aside and tell yourself firmly that you will deal with it after your return from honeymoon.
Don''t let these idiots impinge on one of your happiest moments.
You will be happy with your new husband long after you've shaken the dust of this job/manager from your sandals.
You have a new era ahead of you and you will be able to resolve this. See ACAS and an employment solicitor to helpyou decide the best route to take.
Congratulations on your wedding. Hope you have a wonderful day and honeymoon 🍾

These are your rights after two years:

www.hrhype.co.uk/2-year-employment-rights/

Agree it is not clear cut before two years.

www.davidsonmorris.com/unfair-dismissal-under-2-years/

You don't try and get a payout - you follow the process and exercise your rights. There is a system and don't be intimidated. Follow the process.

It also really helps to get clear on what you ultimately want - what would your ideal outcome be. I think once you know if you would stay if xyz improved, or if actually it's not right for where you want to be, then the route forward is clearer.

I know it can feel like you have no options but there is always a way forward, you will be able to get out of this. You cannot let this destroy your mental health.

Sounds like a redundancy scenario to me. The job you were hired to do no longer exists and there is no suitable alternative role. I assume they are just hoping you'll resign so they don't need to pay you (HR professional here).

🙈 oh god you are right ignore me op - sorryyyy!!!

If your manager didn’t “walk themselves into being sacked” by following you around the building shouting at you, then being assertive in your performance review really won’t have walked you into being sacked either.

whether you should stay is an entirely different question.

I think this depends on if you just want out (totally understanable) or if you want to hold her accountable for her behaviour and make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else. It sounds like this woman has a reputation do you think it is likely that anyone else would be able to stand with you and make a formal complaint about her attitude towards colleagues In general? That said in my experience when faced with a situation like HR often 'move the problem' rather than directly addressing it

Possibly, possibly not. OP is no longer doing the job she was hired to do, but another one, which she agreed to do, but which she admits she's not good at and really isn't enjoying - and this role isn't redundant. With fewer than two years' service OP's employer could simply dismiss her - as long as they're not discriminating against her, not dismissing her for reasons which are "automatically unfair" or in breach of her contract (e.g. they don't pay her final monies correctly) she would have no legal redress to ET with only 10 months continuous service.

Hi everyone. I thought you might appreciate an update. Wedding was fabulous, and honeymoon was an absolute dream. I feel incredibly lucky to have had that experience!

Regarding work, after the events described above, but before I went on leave, my manager escalated the situation again. She ‘ambushed’ me by getting me in a meeting room on one pretence, and then proceeded to conduct another performance review conversation. The whole thing lasted two hours and only stopped when I said I needed to go home for the day. With hindsight I should have stopped the conversation earlier, but I didn’t. That was my failing.

She was very highly critical and made some personal comments which upset me, but I did hold it all together. She also made comments along the lines of suggesting I should leave.

I was very concerned that I would return from honeymoon to be immediately sacked, so I organised another meeting with HR where I outlined in quite a long script how I think my manager had abused the performance review process in order to further bully me. I also requested to be placed onto a PIP, citing that I didn’t think it was possible to improve my manager’s perception of my performance given that none of it is measurable, has targets or offers ways to improve.

HR agreed a PIP would be a good idea, and she also seemed less than impressed at my manager’s conduct. She said that as part of the PIP process, she would be keen to see my managers notes for the performance review. I think the inference was that she took onboard a point I had made about in the first session I had outlined ‘successes’ which my manager had not commented on, until the second session where she picked up on all of those and gave them harsh criticism. I had outlined that I thought she criticised these points separately as a way to grind me down. She was very unimpressed at the personal comments that had been made.

Regardless, I don’t intend to engage much on the PIP, I did it to give me some breathing space on my return. I don’t think I will arrive in the office this morning to my notice given my proactive efforts to engage. I will, however, arrive in the office to a morning of job hunting and currently feel completely mentally detached from the whole thing.

On the subject of a job hunt - if anyone has a suggestion for an ACA chartered accountant with good financial services regulatory advisory and ESG corporate reporting experience, but who is looking for a career change, please let me know. I’m a bit lost at sea what my next move should be.

Exactly this seems far more likely - if your boss is this much of a cow you won’t be the only one to have suffered. Don’t write yourself off - one nasty boss doesn’t mean your whole career needs to go down the toilet.

I was in exactly your position this time last year- I left a secure, easy job to move when I was head-hunted and then the person who desperately wanted me couldn’t cope with the fact that I wasn’t prepared to just agree with her and I challenged her 🙄 She was utterly vile and told lies to get her own way. I left with a nice nest egg!
I promise you, while it’s shit at the moment, it will get better once you escape!
I took a very small pay cut but now work in an amazing team, using my skills and experience and being valued. I can’t tell you how differently I feel about work now!

This is so wonderful to read. Thank you for sharing!

Just wondering how you’re getting on @TriggerMortis?

I’m currently dealing with a toxic manager and can’t wait to leave.

I do hope things have improved over these past few weeks.

Thanks @JennyWrenSeven
Things went downhill for my mental health as a direct result of the above (and everything I didn't write down!) and I ended up submitting a grievance against my manager. I'm waiting on the outcome and focusing on regaining my health, and searching for new jobs (maybe a whole new career to be honest). Things feel quite awful at the moment, but I'm taking strength in knowing that in 12 months time things are guaranteed to be better for me, because I don't think they can currently get worse. I'm very fortunate to be surrounded by an incredibly supportive husband, family on both sides and friends.

Tell me about your situation? With the benefit of hindsight, I would advocate leaving at the first sign of toxicity.

I’m so sorry to read this update @TriggerMortis.

I’m so pleased that you have much needed support at home. Know that’s it’s not you and be kind to yourself right now.

You’re absolutely right, in 12 months time things will definitely be better for you. If you feel like venting here in the meantime, keep talking to us. I really feel for you and I’m sure things will start to improve.

My situation isn’t much better, I’ve got a job interview next week, it’s a start. I do love some of the team I work with though, we vent to each other. My manager was so awful to me the other week, they didn’t expect me to return after the weekend. I’m only 5 months in, it’s been tough and mentally challenging. I’m still within my probation period, which is a little difficult when the person who will be interviewing me asked me why I wanted to leave! Have to be diplomatic!

Wishing you all the best and please continue to update 💐

So sorry to hear of your situation.

My honest advice is to leave now. Probation is a two way street and your manager has failed it.

I held on for probation, then a bonus, then until after my wedding and honestly it has wrecked me. I should have left on that third Monday when I was subject to an unacceptable telling off for something that was not my fault. My manager failed probation then. They don't change!