Terrible work situation

[TriggerMortis]

Hi everyone. I've reverted to a very old name so I can be candid and open with everyone as I feel like my situation might be very obvious. Sorry it's very long - I want to give full details because I am willing to be told I am an idiot.

I have a terrible work situation - I posted about it before. I made a career jump for a large pay rise almost a year ago. Since then, I have worked for a bullying manager.

The role I thought I was taking up when I made the move was going to be a jump but I had great experience. During the interview process I was exclusively asked about my technical skills to lead a new regulatory reporting process, and I was effectively going to be the company lead on the project, managing internally and some consultants too. I was to be part of a team that didn't really align with the role, but that was because the company is relatively small, so it was shoehorned into the existing structure.

After a rocky 3 months with my manager, who was overly critical of me, has an aggressive management style and flitted between micromanaging and actively being no help at all, I passed my probation. At the time I posted on MN and received lots of advice to quit. I was adamant that I was holding on for my sign on bonus to be paid two months later, which I received. Colleagues have confirmed the behaviour as being unacceptable.

Almost immediately after my bonus was paid, there was a huge incident with my manager which led to me being pursued around the building being shouted at. I was in tears. An apology was mediated via HR, but my manager remained in charge of me. I believe this incident was precipitated by the reporting project I was hired for being cancelled (no one's fault - the incoming law was rescinded).

Since the incident and the apology, my manager's behaviour did change and, although I don't feel comfortable still, we have remained cordial and a lot of the bullying behaviour has abated. However, I have been transitioned into a role I don't want - and I am not very good at. I have significant experience in the thing I was originally hired for, but the new role isn't for me. If you were hiring from scratch, you'd choose a different educational and professional background.

Earlier this week was my mid year performance review. My manager gave strong critical feedback on my performance, saying that I had not settled, was taking too long and with low quality to do the job. I do not disagree that I am not meeting my manager's expectations on some things, but I do believe I have really added value and done a good job in some other areas which are more aligned to my experience.

My manager was being very respectful, and I kind of got carried away in responding to this feedback. I said:

• The elephant in the room is that the negative feedback is on things I wasn't hired for. They may have been mentioned in the formal job description, but I was headhunted for the original role and in the 3 rounds of interview I had, I don't believe anyone mentioned them.
• I am effectively making a career change and starting from scratch in this role, albeit being paid at a senior rate.
• I struggle to take the feedback seriously, not because I don't care about my work, but because it feels so removed from my professional ambitions. I did say, truthfully, that I put a lot of effort into all my work but it still falls short of the mark.

My manager seemed to 'hear' all of my concerns and said that it hadn't occurred to her all these things (I don't understand how or why), but that hearing that made a lot of sense to her and informed her understanding of the last 9 months.

There were other things said - I gave examples of when I felt like she had displayed inappropriate behaviour again. These things were listened to and she disagreed. I am not upset by this as I disagree with her feedback. It's mutual.

At the time it felt great to get things off my chest. I've woken up today basically feeling like I've signed my own death warrant. I'm about to go on a 2 week holiday and feel like I might be coming back to a redundancy notice.

Have I been an idiot or was it really the right thing to do? I have been desperately looking for new jobs but it's been difficult (not least because of the law change...) and I've managed one interview in two months.

Should I have kept up the pretence or was it the right thing to do to be so honest to a bullying manager in a role that I don't want at a workplace I really dislike?

Sorry if this comes across as word vomit - it's been almost a year and I normally struggle to chat about this with anyone.

I feel like I have absolutely been ruined professionally. The industry I work in is small and gossipy - a month ago a colleague I don't work with but who sits on the same floor went for lunch with an ex colleague (who left before I joined). He obviously didn't make the connection on the timeline and he said that this person asked whether I was still surviving my manager.

More likely it was because they know your manager to be an obnoxious bully & it was nothing to do with your performance at all.

You sound like you are struggling and v unhappy my darling.
Get out
Your mh is way more important that a big salary.
Good luck 💐

Take the redundancy and find a role that aligns with what you actually want to do, preferably one without the horrible boss.

So was there a plan made at this meeting to move forward. As you said the role you hired for doesnt exist so now your taking on a new role.
Did you discuss training options to get you up to speed?

Your poor relationship with your manager is a bit of red herring, isn't it?

Basically the job you were hired to do didn't materialise because of a change in the law and they have effectively created a job that doesn't match your skills, you're poor at and which you are uncertain about because it's effectively a change of direction/ career for you. You're unhappy there, your career's been diverted. You stayed in order to get your bonus.

So why are you so concerned about being made redundant? You've got your bonus. In your shoes I'd go on holiday praying to be made redundant and war-gaming my negotiating strategy for leaving. I might even send out a few feelers while on holiday. There has to be something better round the corner for you, rather than hanging on at what sounds a deeply unpleasant workplace. Take the money, move on.

has it not occurred to you that it’s HER reputation that’s being discussed here not your performance or ability to work under her?

Yes: this shitshow is not down to you. It's clear your manager is known to be a nightmare. It will also be clear to everyone in the know that your job evaporated when the law changed/ didn't change. I think you're wildly over-reacting, OP.

I certainly wouldn't start a grievance or look towards a constructive dismissal case. They have a clear case for making you redundant. Get paid off: negotiate the money upwards as far as you can and then move on to something new.

This.

💯 this

You have my absolute sympathy op as I am in a very similar situation myself at the moment. I feel like a shell of a person comped to how confident I was a year ago and I’m currently on the sick looking for a new job. No great advice from me other than to keep your chin up as bad times do pass. Keep us posted with how things are going.

Could some job coaching or even counselling help you process this and decide where to look?

Op I'm not sure what your job is, but have you considered civil service jobs? There are a wide range of roles that might suit your experience, and once you're in the civil service there are numerous internal vacancies you can then apply for.
In my department there is still the occasional awful manager, but we have some fantastic union reps who can help fight your cause if needed.
I think you should be proud of yourself for standing up to your manager. I hope you enjoy your holiday.

I would read the comment as critical of your cunt of a manager, not you. You are doing the right thing by keeping notes. I used to copy all relevant emails to my personal email account, confirming conversations with “minge” a colleague not manager then filed in a folder, again called “minge” which is what I called the bullying pa in my team

You sound very professional and they’d be idiots to loose you because of - essentially - poor management and organisation. I would stay as you are, calm and in touch with HR. I would probably try and improve my relationship with my manager to make life easier. I’d probably give it X amount of time and if no improvement I would look for another job and when/if I told them, I would make it really clear why.

I will try and read replies but quite triggering for me.

I'm a fucking trooper so I stuck with a situation like this constantly trying to redeem myself until I broke.

I left (not going into details here) but I'm now doing the same thing somewhere else, slightly less pay, and I am so fucking happy. Everyone I work with is...sane. They do things the right way. I have made a vow to myself that I'm never putting myself through that again. I had to have therapy to get past it.

Speak to ACAS. Involve HR. Everything documented in writing.

She may be collecting evidence, don't be lulled into thinking she cares about you. Don't entertain tribunal, it will ruin your mental health. If you have nerves of steel, or are highly principled and stubborn, you could stick it out in case of a settlement agreement.

If you have finances for 3-6 months - you could leave, have a short break in your career (people do this for all sorts of reasons), then find a new role.

Or keep looking elsewhere. I would recommend finding a coach to help you at this stage to figure out your options.

Edited to add - ACAS are brilliant and should be able to advise about the redundancy side of things.

I agree the colleagues comments at lunch suggest they all know your manager is awful and not likely to hang on to any employees!! I don’t think that was gossip about you but was about the manager!

this.
I do empathise... it makes you lose all your confidence and that makes it harder to see a way out or plot an escape.
In your situation, I would
Go on holiday, try to relax and enjoy it. And tell myself I will deal with it when I come back.
When you come back, (or maybe book an appointment before) see your GP and get signed off for stress for at least a week, maybe two. You had a PANIC attack and had to go and sit in the park and calm down.. this does need attention. Its not a normal part of a working day and this situation has put you under so much stress you are fully justified in doing this.
When you have your documented and backed up stress leave, get in touch with ACAS or an employment lawyer and see what advice they have. It does seem you have strong evidence of bullying, and lack of action from your firm. I'm no expert.. but perhaps this could be used for leverage to increase a pay out/gardening leave if they are indeed trying to make you redundant as a pp suggested. See if you can get someone to accompany you into any meetings to take notes or give you support.

during this leave, you could also take some time to look at your CV and apply. You have experience. Did you have a different manager in your old team. Would they give you a reference? If you do leave ask for a written reference from HR.

The advantage is that you can say to yourself on holiday. I will deal with all of this when I get back. I will get a nice coffee on the Monday, go to the park and make my plan. And tell yourself that every time you start worrying. That way you may be giving yourself a much needed break. Another thing I used to tell myself in similar situation was that in a few months I will be able to look back and laugh and think, thank God that's over!

Wishing you all the best.

Sorry you're having such an awful time of it, OP.

The company is probably scared to get rid of her because she's a troublemaker, but in the long run it's more trouble for them if they keep losing good staff because she is a nutcase. Talk frankly to HR. I agree with PPs that the "gossip" was probably just general knowledge that she is a cow, not any criticism of you.

Enjoy your holiday.

Yes yes to wood for the trees

Honestly, I would have your holiday and request a "without prejudice" conversation with HR and your line managers boss.

Take your material and say it is not working, outline the issues and say you'd like to resolve it as simply as possible for both parties. And then be really quiet

Also agree your reference as part of the subsequent conversations.

Why???
They'll pay you out for 3months holiday and maybe a few extra weeks and the first 40k is TAX FREE (Google it)

This is exactly what id do.

A manager chasing you around a building is not a red herring. Disgusting behaviour.

Thanks everyone.

Is it just wishful thinking to think I could get gardening leave or a payout? I’ve been there 10 months. My contract has a 3 month notice period and as much as I hate working there, it also scares me to think what the working environment would be like during the 3 month notice period if we still had to work together. I get the impression it would be taken very poorly by manager for me to resign bringing all this to the fore again (since the first HR incident). I’m thinking the best u can hope for it to ‘work’ my notice with a lot of sick leave.

I can hear myself sounding like a wet flannel, it’s so disappointing to myself. I used to be someone with confidence who wouldn’t be afraid to stand up for myself! But I genuinely have this reaction. I’m so not proud of myself.

Stop internalising it op. They sound shit. It’s just one of those things in the grander tapestry. Look after yourself, it sounds very stressful.

Thanks. It’s so hard though. I just had a little cry having written that post.

It’s more complicated by the fact than my 2 week holiday is actually my honeymoon, so I am caught up in a lot of wedding stress too. The whole thing is a mess but I had managed to prioritise headspace for the wedding until this week’s performance review. You can probably guess I’ve been able to splurge on the wedding from this god awful job though, and I’ve really enjoyed the opportunity to do so.

No its not....

this is my point in my original post.

I managed a team of 25 ish in my last job we "parted ways" with several people in circs like this and got dragged into them frequently

Some of them were talented people who were just the wrong fit, some were lovely but lazy bastards 😅, some were just unpleasant people who caused problems in the team .

It's TAX FREE if you negotiate out. HR will aant to do this if you look like you might cause a problem... if i dont know... your boss chased your round the building shouting at you until you cried and several people witnessed it....

Try it and if they decline or wont engage then go to plan B and resign dont say where your next place is and aim for garden leave... failing that...then get signed off for the notice period by the sounds of it you wouldn't be embellishing anything and use the time to find something else...

There is no chance id work that notice... it will be hell and awful for your mental health.

Everyone has their breaking point OP. You've been putting up with your shitty manager five days a week for almost a year. You've probably had more interactions with that spiteful mare than anyone else during that time so it's inevitable her awful, unprofessional behaviour would have an impact on you. Cut yourself some slack.
I can't see what bargaining chips you have to negotiate gardening leave or a payout, but if your so-called manager escalates her shitty behaviour during your notice period, then sick leave citing stress is definitely the way to go.