What do you think to the saying, people only treat you how you allow them to treat you ?

[SquirrelsTail]

I do agree with it, but it can also sound a bit off too

What do I think?

that it’s just a saying that may or
may not apply depending on each specific person and the relationship in question

I think its completely true.

I think there are some people in life who will treat everybody around them like shit. That's them.

They only get the chance to do it to me once and then I'd remove them from my life and move on.

I fully agree with it and am teaching my daughter this too.

It's absolutely true.

Yet, the caveats are too many. Most people don't even realise what they're enduring, how long they have and when they do, many don't possess the skills or knowledge to handle that.

In personal relationships, you have the above complicated by trauma bonds, lack of self belief indoctrinated into you and a complete lack of understanding ref how to consistently advocate and set and then enforce boundaries.

Then we have those trapped - financially, through work. They have little choice sometimes but to take shit.

A context in which this is unhelpful is that of the abuse victim suffering the effects of 'boiling frog' syndrome. It can take a great deal to wake up to the reality of that situation. The scales typically don't fall from someone's eyes overnight and recognising yourself as a victim can be a painful process.

In many other cases it's perfectly true. It doesn't pay to be a pushover: people don't respect you for it.

Try telling that to a child who is being horribly bullied at school by some of the kids and being shunned by the rest. Or to a woman trapped in an abusive and violent relationship who is terrified to leave because he's threatened to take the children away and tell everyone she's an unfit mother. Or to a parent struggling with looking after an aggressive adolescent dc with severe additional needs.

True.Also

Fool me once shame on you,fool me twice shame on me

I completely agree with it!
people soon realise who will tolerate being used and treated like shit and the proceed to dump on them.
you show your hand the first time it happens, if you go back for more then you are enabling the shitty behaviour

True enough to a degree. There’s a teacher at school who all the kids ignore because she’sa bit of a wet blanket vs the ones who command respect. obv you can teach the kids to be nice but she’s not helping herself either.

For example tolerating being ignored after she says good morning. A teacher shouldn’t stand for it

I agree with it. So many people allow themselves to be treated like shit and just put up with it.

True-ish, depending. BUT you can’t magically change people’s behaviour or personality so ‘not allowing’ may involve disconnecting / going no contact.

And it is extra hard if it is your boss, a loved family member, or you are a child.

For example.

It’s true in the sense that if you keep giving people another chance when they’ve demonstrated they will keep being disappointing, you’re accepting that behaviour. That’s what boundaries are for. Depending on the context, cutting someone off after one mistake might be rather extreme, but if for example your partner cheats on you repeatedly and you remain in the relationship, you are accepting that behaviour.

In the grand scheme of things, I think it’s absolutely true.

There will always be the odd knobhead who treats everyone like shit regardless, but for the most part, yeah. I’d say I agree with that statement.

I find it irritating and the people who I know that use it are quite unpleasant- maybe why I find it annoying!

“Fool me one? Shame on you. Fool me twice? Shame on me” come to mind.

I’m a big believer in believing people the first time when they show you who they are.

just another banal and frothy saying that is bandied about without any real meaning or thought.

Thats what I think!

I think it's a victim blamey cop out. It lets the person who is treating people badly off the hook. It implies the person on the receiving end holds all the power when that is hardly ever the case.

Agreed. It's not helpful really. Often people who are treated this way, have had this their whole life, so won't really have good self esteem, boundaries in place or ways to stop this.

They've just learned to tolerate it.

I think it's true, especially for women. If you allow people to walk all over you, they will continue to. Women have been socialised to be kind and give a multitude of chances when treated badly, whether it's cheating or cheeky fucker friends. People will take advantage of this.

One of the many things I like about Dh. He has very high standards as to how he is treated. He’s passed that on to our dds very high bar. I used to think he was harsh but actually he’s dead right.

True generally but it can be seen as a victim blaming quote in some instances, with domestic violence being the one of the obvious exceptions.

It’s all a power balance really. If the victim wants the relationship they put up with bad treatment to maintain it. If they can walk away the instigator then loses their power.

Dd2 aged about 8 used to go and read in the school library on her own rather than be treated badly by her little girl peers. As a teen she has high self worth legions of lovely high quality friends who adore her and a lovely respectful boyfriend. So the high standards led to isolation from shit people but you then ultimately attract the best ones.

Liek what examples

I l love that for her