Is this what couples are like?

[DinoLil]

I've just watched a couple, late 20s maybe early 30s, get into their car with a baby of about 6m.

Mum wheeled the pram, took out baby, put baby in car. Dad took mum's handbag off pram, threw it in the passenger footwell and then just stood about.

Baby all secured so dad got in the drivers side and started the car whilst the mum was taking apart the pram - which he could have done whilst baby was being put in car seat - so the mum had a face full of exhaust fumes whilst wrestling with collapsing the pram and getting it in the boot. No, it wasn't an electric car, so full of fumes.

I'm speechless! At her for accepting such shit behaviour and him for being a lazy arse.

I've got two sons in their 20s and I'd never forgive them if they behaved like this. And I would never have accepted my XH standing around whilst I did all the legwork.

Anyway. Nothing to comment on, really. Just a bit lost for words.

It's what that couple is like, for the few minutes you observed them. It doesn't necessarily follow that it's what all couples are like.

It's how they are. My DH wasn't like that. He wasn't very practical most of the time but he did at least begin getting things done.

Exactly. Why would you conclude any kind of generalisation about couples from observing one couple for the length of time it took to get into their car?

Why? It's just a comment on another couple she observed.

When we had dc I already had dc.. I told dh he would be doing car seat /buggy boot loading. It's a bloody pita. He did it until dc could do their own seat belt!!

Thanks for your scientific research into 'What All Couples Are Like' Dr DinoLil. Your conclusive findings will be valuable for many years to follow.

Because the op has extrapolated a huge amount from one interaction

perhaps he had a bad back, perhaps nauseous, perhaps just had a chemo therapy

and the exhaust fumes going….. oh come on, if it was that bad she’d have edge a bit to the right

You’ve been part of a couple OP and it wasn’t like this. So why would you assume you’re the only person who didn’t get a feckless idiot as a partner?

I was travelling through the airport yesterday and my DS 20 took not only my case but my tote bag, whilst managing his own case and rucksack. I was definitely in the majority. Most women were being assisted by male partners or sons. As it should be.

Quoted the wrong post

That behaviour speaks volumes. A decent man, a halfway decent father, would not behave like that. No mitigation is possible for what OP describes.

Actually, I think you can glean a lot from watching a couple for 5 minutes when they think nobody is watching. I would bet a significant amount of money that this brief 5 minutes reflects their life and setup, whether or not he has a bad back, is recovering from chemo or just a lazy arse.

Blaming her for the husband being a useless idiot 🙄

Not fruitcake really - man in couple is selfish? Old news. They are mostly selfish arses.

😂

I fear I may have just found out that me and my husband of 23 years aren't actually a couple

I don’t know why you’re getting funny responses

it’s very common to see women struggle disassembling prams. Or carrying multiple bags of children’s shite and changing stuff at airports whilst dad just has his own backpack. Or struggling with a toddler on their lap whilst dad eats food in peace.

it’s just a symptom of many women being default parent.

Because of the faux naive “is this what couples are like?” question, as though they are the first and only couple she’s ever come across in her life, and she’s wondering if their behaviour in this one thoughtless interaction is how every person in every relationship behaves all of the time. Which is ridiculous and she knows it but still decided to start a thread about it.

OP is this your first day on MN? There are loads of lazy, shit husbands and women who put up with them. Not mine thank god.

I was with a man for 21 years who treated me like this. Even when heavily pregnant. In fact when heavily pregnant I was just an annoyance and pregnant women 'used' the pregnancy to just be lazy. He always walked miles in front of me, and never waited for me - with me trailing behind with the kids. I never actually knew this was a sign of narcissism (the walking in front and not even looking back).

I have a boyfriend now who wouldn't dream of letting me carry anything, opens doors for me, and always walks with me - holding my hand. Its bliss!

I know women who want to do it all, not let go of tasks, and then this becomes the narrative in the relationship as they're pushing an open door with these guys.

Yes, if he’s never let you disassemble a pushchair while blowing exhaust fumes in your face, it’s not True Love.

This is posted on chat, not on AIBU, so just an observation. Just a random thought and, again, women do everything kind of feeling.

It's a shame that a couple aren't acting as a couple and sharing the workload. And I know who the guy is and he's not disabled, ill, having chemo or any of those suggested things. Just inconsiderate imo.

And yes, we see it every day here. Disappointing. But, I'm certainly not perfect and why I'm happily single.

Yes OP, it won’t surprise you to learn that absolutely every couple act in exactly the same way.

No it is not. Last weekend while waiting for a parking space I watched a Mum lift her newborn into the car while the Dad packed the pram away. My dh was and is very hands on. Some couples are like this not all.

Just that couple.maybe? My neighbour had visitors with a baby yesterday and the dad dismantling the pram and mum strapped the car seat in, imo.most couples sort things between themselves.