Has life turned out how you imagined?

[orzo15]

My life is far from how 20 something old me imagined. I am in my 30s, divorced and single, a mum to a gorgeous little boy who i had with a gay friend of mine. Living abroad, still renting, lost both parents by 31. There are some great parts of my life and some not so great. I had always envisaged the traditional trajectory of meet someone, fall in love, buy a lovely home and have 2 kids and a dog. I still see that in friends around me and feel a pang of envy, and I really hope to meet someone one day soon but also feel a bit hopeless about it now.

Curious about other peoples life paths and if they have gone in the direction they thought

No. But I love my life and wouldnt change it. I can imagine a lot of people living that life you want are jealous of you. You’re living abroad, you’re renting so not tied down, you have a beautiful child. You have freedom to do what you want.

I’m curious why you would feel hopeless about meeting someone? You’ve already made a lot happen in your short life and I would expect you to continue taking decisions and moving forward. You have shown confidence and resilience, and there’s no reason to think that will change.

No: I thought I would be a glamouress jet setting professional, in a pencil skirt suit, flying around for business, with long lustrous locks, on an upward trajectory, with a seafront home 🤣🤣🤣. (I wasn't expecting much).

I m living a pretty, normal, sedate life. Mum to 2 teenagers, working from home, walking my dog at break times, pottering around, dyed brittle hair, wearing jeans and hoodies, battling the bulge. I m content.

I really try so hard to be grateful for what i have, and i never really used to compare myself so much. It must be this funny age of people really settling down and settling into their family lives, i feel slightly on the outside of even though I have my own family with my little boy

I think because now its harder having a child. I would love to meet someone and maybe have another child with a partner, but i don't know it just feels more difficult now. And sometimes i feel like i just never got lucky in the partner department of life! But thank you for saying about confidence and resilience, its nice to hear

Haha, i can relate to the big thinking! But being content is the most important thing. Its something i am actively trying to learn to be

No. I remember someone at school saying they could imagine me having a big family and being happily married. Even at 19 I thought that would be the case. I had always dreamed of the happy family, birthday parties, BBQs, a loving husband with a respectable career. I come from a big close knit family (people always comment on how nice it is to see siblings get on so well)and my Dad and his brothers are like siblings to their cousins, who in turn are like our aunts and uncle.

I remember my best friend from college telling me about his mum being a victim of domestic abuse and thinking how awful and how I wouldn't let that happen to me.

I'm 47, single, no children and 7 years out of a 15 year long abusive relationship. Life is definitely not how I had imagined it would be but I'm grateful every day.

There’s been a great deal more worry and work than I’d expected, and far less magic, adventure and time travel

Interesting thread .
How many of us didn't have a view how their life would turn out ? And pretty much floated along in the sea of life ( with the odd whirl pool ) not much in the way of goals and taking things as they came .
If that makes sense

Depends where I look at it from.

When I was a teen/early 20s I thought I would have a good job and a house and a husband, two children, all of that.
But I was trafficked by an older man I thought was my boyfriend, and lost ten years from late 20s. I lost everything. I was left homeless and an addict.

Got myself clean and sober and into a council flat, got a job, had my daughter. And we're happy, and I'm very lucky- but it's not what I wanted, really. It's what I want and love now though if that makes any sense.

It was much harder than I had expected it to be until I was around 33, and since then so far things have improved steadily every year.

No. Infinitely better than a scared and lonely little girl could ever have imagined. Thanks mostly to my very special husband and the lovely family we have created together.

Overall - no my life hasnt quite lived up to my hopes but I have achieved some of the things I wanted. I knew from a young age I didnt want children - managed that, I wanted horses instead - achieved that. Married a lovely man - tick. He died at 52 (def wasnt expecting that). I also imagined I'd grow out of my fugly, spotty, goofy teenage stage and blossom into a beauty - not quite hit the mark on that one!! Also imagined I'd be rich - missed that target by a large margin!

Mostly, one of my children has struggled with their development and health but otherwise my life has turned out how I manifested it to be. I do believe the choices you make every day play a part in it, along with a little luck.

Yes in some ways .. I always knew I would be financially successful .. like I knew I would make it. Wasn’t so sure I’d have kids and get married which I did and am v happy. On that part I was lucky but had an inner belief on the money side .. helps that I grew up in a v supportive environment so easy to have that self belief when you do

quite different in many ways and much better than anything I imagined as a child (millions of years ago)

when I left home I thought owning a car and having a house with central heating and double glazing would be the peak of success. Tick.

I didn’t imagine a happy marriage -due to total lack of self belief - so that took 2 goes to get right but I made that too

i imagined more than one child but she is a lovely person

i never imagined I would do so well and have a career as opposed to a job - no one I knew had that - the concept was alien

I didn’t imagine early retirement either - retirement was for seriously old people

luck, good brain and parents who supported my education , taught me money management skills, and a attitude of expecting the worst and being happy with not a lot

I also imagined going into space and the tech for make interstellar travel possible , the end of fossil fuels and the end to wars and cancer

i also imagined a societal break down from climate crisis and I am still scared that will come true

Has life turned out how you imagined?
Thankfully, no! Certain family members seemed to have decided for me what my life was going to be like. I was expected to be in a relationship with an (unspecified) local boy, work locally, probably marry and have children there, visit them daily, and stay in the village (that my family has inhabited since the dawn of time) forever.

Unfortunately, I am asexual, with no interest in relationships whatsoever, so I failed that part of their great plan for me. Having lived up to expectations, I then had a nervous breakdown, which was not part of The Plan. I remember lying there thinking, "I did everything that they wanted and it didn't make me very happy, so I'm going to try doing what I want and see if that makes me feel any better". I re-trained and was offered faraway jobs with accommodation. My "unprofessional" job makes me much happier than my "professional, I am very proud of you" job. Some of them still lie about my occupation.

I have occasionally been back to the village where I grew up to visit family members. Even they can see that it is going downhill and some have even admitted that I was right to leave for somewhere nicer! I would have liked to have had children by now, but I don't.

However, I am alive. I always thought that, if my abusive dad had lived, I'd have killed myself because I couldn't take it anymore. It was a relief for our immediate family when he died, because our private home life was not discussed elsewhere.

This isn't going to come out right, but... I didn't have a notion of how I would hope my life would turn out, but I watched a lot of crime dramas as a child. The more innocent whodunit types, like Columbo, or Lovejoy, etc. I used to watch the wealthy criminals swan around their amazing homes in their beautiful clothes, living quietly, and I thought that looked nice. I've achieved that, a quiet life, in a nice home and with clothes I love - not at all the level of glamour for tv, but nicer than one might have expected for me. I know what I've described is here is only one small, unimportant aspect of life, but should a low key crime ever happen, I'm ready! Maybe I'm a future Ms Marple in the making.

I’m 33, thought I would be married with children by now but it hasn’t happened. Had some rubbish fertility testing results so had to come to terms with the fact that it might never happen for me.

But I remember in the midst of this my late mums voice saying to me “well you never know how life might turn out!”.

Currently dating a nice new man after my LTR ended recently, enjoying my new life that I made after moving to a new area for my ex. Excited to see what happens next!

Nope, my life is so far from what I had hoped /envisaged.

I'm glad I didn't know how crap it was going to be!

Yes i was dead set on no marriage and no kids from a young age.
Im now way in my 30s and its worked out perfectly.

@CraftyNavySeali also got rubbish fertility results when I was 29, and told I might likely never have a baby. I then got accidentally pregnant with an ex, miscarried, but it gave me hope that I could get pregnant after all so I then pursued single motherhood by choice at 32

it’s true you never quite know how life will turn out! It’s nice having the excitement of a new life and seeing what happen

In many ways it's turned out better. I have a much better job and a far nicer home than I thought I would. I've been able to live out some dreams I had, like travelling. DC wise, from a young age I always said I'd have 2 DC, a boy then a girl, and that's exactly what happened! I had a horrendous childhood so I do feel I really turned that around and made something good of my life.

Where it's fallen down is relationship wise. I expected to be married at some point, that never happened. I can't say I've ever really had a successful relationship and now, in my 50's, I'm done. I won't try again.

I tell myself though that we don't all get everything we want from life. That's just how it is. No point feeling down about it. I just focus on the things I am grateful for.

I was a very bright child but was almost constantly underestimated, including by school (now have an ADHD diagnosis which makes sense). I didn't come from a family that knew what to do, eg go to university and basically get a middle class job. So they didn't really want to know. I did all that alone. I'm in my fifties and they are still asking when I'm moving back to the area. To do what, I don't know.

What I mean to say is, it was kind of hard to have any real expectations. I knew what I didn't want. And I definitely don't have that, so that's great.

I had always envisaged the traditional trajectory of meet someone, fall in love, buy a lovely home and have 2 kids and a dog.

You made your choices though and had a child outside of what you wanted with a gay friend.

Why didn't you look for what you wanted and wait for it.