In praise of the hero husbands

[MaggieMagpie357]

I see a lot of threads on here about horrible, useless, rude, lazy, badly behaved husbands - so I thought it would be nice to share a story about a decent one!

He happens to be mine of course. And sometimes he does my absolute head in. But today he is a fucking hero.

We are going on holiday tomorrow and I am
v v stressed with last minute packing, finishing off work stuff, terminally ill cat and lots of other stuff. I had bought BST Hyde Park tickets for me and DD16 today as a post-GCSE treat, and I was silently cursing having done this as there wouldn’t be enough time to do everything before we fly tomorrow.

I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to stress DD out, she has had a hard time lately and deserves this treat so much.

And without me saying a word, DH offered to take her. Not begrudgingly, no questions asked, just pure thoughtfulness. And I am so bloody grateful!!!

I mean, he probably just fancies Sabrina Carpenter, but at this point I am eternally grateful that I have a DH who can step up without even being asked, go to big event (he hates stuff like this) and not be sulky, miserable or cross about it.

So please feel free to celebrate your hero husbands here!

My stepson has complex needs, and can be difficult to manage. When it’s our weekend with him (50/50 custody), absolutely nobody makes plans.

…Until last night.

I went out with my partner’s sister, drank far more gin than I likely should have, and came home way beyond bedtime. DSs woke up at 6 today - me? Lie in til 9. Woke up to a busied child and a brew being made. Haven’t prepared any lunch, or done basically anything, currently sat on the sofa while he entertains him in the garden.

Happy. Sunday!!

Does annoy me when men get lauded for stuff women do all the time without recognition.

That said we are self catering in a remote villa and have run out of wine and crisps so Dh has gone to get some so yes fair enough he can be added to the hero list

You are getting a battering on here @MaggieMagpie357
If he's made your day easier - then that's a win. Don't LTB today.

He an automatic watering system in the garden so I can still grow things even though my arthritis means I can't manage a full watering can anymore.

Isn't that fantastic?

He took me 300 miles to see puffins. I love that about him.

Wouldn’t a hero husband let you do the nice evening out with your daughter and sort all the things out instead of leaving it to you? If your options are so all the chores and organising in a tiny bit of time between taking DD out or miss the evening out so you can stay at home and do the work for everyone it hardly seems like going above and beyond.

Mine would done all the packing, cleaning etc and told me to take the time out

That would make more sense for us

But my DH does about half of all household chores anyway - we each have things we prefer not to do

This is what I was going to say.

he gets to remove himself from all the holiday stress and have a nice day out with dd, leaving you to it.

much like when women thing husbands taking the kids to the park for an hour so they can clean the house. He gets out of housework.

i’m sorry you had to miss your celebration day with your dd. Your husband is not a hero, that would have been him waving you off telling you not to worry and doing all the shit work himself.

I am 38 weeks pregnant, grumpy and have been holed up in my room all day watching trash on TV resting. DH has done everything around the house, shopping, cleaning and he's cooking now. Kept DD entertained too.

Yesterday he sorted out the garden (very overdue).

It's great that he's not a shit, but a hero for doing half - and the fun half - of the day's required parenting is really pushing it!
It's lovely that he's done something nice for your daughter but women have to stop reframing every tiny bit of active parenting as heroic - taking kids to concerts, 'babysitting' their own children, paternity leave, taking toddlers to the park.

🙄

Jeez oh, let it go for a change. We’re allowed to talk about nice things husbands do without being lectured about it. It’s not like he just washed the dishes.

I’m glad I don’t take my husband for granted, just as he doesn’t take me for granted. It’s really nice to stop and look around at the good things in your life. You should try it.

Well mine's a hero and worth keeping.
I was given two years to live in January. He cried as the surgeon said it but he got on with checking the life insurance (he hadn't since 1988!). He then proceeded to wipe my arse and put me in clean pj's and a clean bed. He's been doing it since. When I can't eat it's a packet of crisps and an old codgers rice pudding, both my favourite. He does the washing, ironing, shopping, walks the dog and works full time. He can't cook but can ting.
Im getting better but not well enough for marital duties, he never says a word. We've been married thirty seven years this year and we're retiring shortly. We're going to live life big.

Yep that’s where my mind went too, the women who fawn over the husband who take their kids to the park or his mums “to let you clean the house in peace”. Oh wow what a reward!

Yep. People underestimate the sheer bliss of having an empty house just so you can get shit done. That’s worth more to me than having someone else doing the shit that I want done in a particular way, knowing I’d need to still do something shit when I get back. I’m not talking about weaponised incompetence, but when I pack my case, I want it packed my way. His way would still result in everything being packed, but I have my own system and I don’t expect anyone else to do it that way. I don’t even think I could explain what the system is.

No lecturing involved. I thank DH every day for being him but he’s an adult and treated as one.

It’s not the cleaning part that’s important, it’s the peace.

Having an empty is utter bliss no matter what I’m doing. I might clean. I might sort out cupboards. I might scroll instagram. I might nap. The point is, I can choose what I want to do when I want to do it, where I want to do it. Even with a husband who is fully involved with housework and parenting, you don’t get the chance to be selfish very often and that can be a great way to have downtime.

We both enjoy having an empty and always make sure each of us has that every couple of months.

Are you just giving an update on your day? Or are you actually putting your boyfriend in the category of ‘hero’ because he can mind his own son?

Surely, as this child is not yours, your boyfriend does this every weekend his son is with you anyway? Why would you be the one the get up with a child that’s not yours, or be responsible for making him lunch, or entertaining him?

I can’t think of anything worse that a Sabrina Carpenter concert so while usually I’d be in camp “that’s standard parenting”……. on this occasion, yes OP, your DH is a hero 🙌🏼 😂

Yeah..I pity OP who doesn’t get it shouldn’t be exceptional to share parental responsibilities.

Mine is basically my carer since I had Covid and got long covid - I have very little mobility, get exhausted from doing nothing, can’t stand for more than a few minutes, and am completely useless round the house.

He works three days a week (he took early retirement and went back part time), and he does all the cooking, all the laundry and ironing, walks the dogs, makes my lunches for me, changes the bedding every week x waits on me hand and foot.

I wouldn’t blame him if he hated me or even left me - I am so much less than the person he married, and such a burden on him - but he still loves me.

Hero?. I thought you were going to say he saved someone's life or helped stop a burglary or a fight.. or rescued someone.
Hes actually just done a normal father/ husband/ family thing then?🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Mine is by my side the whole way through my cancer treatment. He hasn't missed an appointment. Although there was a thread here recently berating partners who do support their spouses at hospital appointments. So I guess he's wrong whatever he does.

Good grief this website is full of misery guts sometimes. You're not part of the In Crowd™ if you don't either incessantly complain about your nasty horrible husband or completely ignore him if he's one of the good ones because he's "just doing what's expected" dontcha know?

Hope you have a lovely holiday wherever you're going, I hope your daughter and your husband have a nice time, and I hope your poor kitty is doing ok!

My husband is currently giving my poor tired feet a well earned massage so I'll consider that I have one of the good ones. I'll tell him that the Mumsnet consensus is that he's just doing what's expected and deserves no gratitude from me for this gesture. Even if he follows it with a piña colada.

What most of you are describing is not a husband being a hero, it's how any normal husband should be, and it's disappointing that women have such low standards for men that they seem them as heros just because they treat them well.

Dad takes his own child to a gig… whilst mother multitasks. Okay…