How do you handle racists?

[WoodlandLove]

Up in the night with a very troubled conscience.
I'm a self-employed artist, but since Covid really, I've struggled to make a living, and have scraped by with temporary zero hours jobs and side hustles etc. I've got pretty rubbish mental health and struggle with many types of work, so was pleased to land some temporary casual work for summer on a nearby fruit farm - fruit picking, looking after PYO customers etc. A nice little gig for a few weeks in beautiful surroundings. Great I thought...
Buuut, turns out the farmer is a rabid racist! To my utter horror he actually used the n-word a couple of times 😧 I told him he shouldn't, and explained I was offended. To be fair he apologised. But, he seems to think white people can't be offended by racism. I think all decent people should be offended by it.
Additionally, he seems to think all Asian customers are trying to steal from him, and yesterday, as we were parting company, he made a vile 'joke' about how he'd like to go to Calais with his shotgun 🥺 I actually felt sick, and didn't know what to say. I've made no secret of my disapproval, but weirdly he seems to enjoy goading me and finds it funny. He's just an unsavoury human being honestly, and my heart sinks when I see him. Would you quit?
Seems obvious, but I'm as poor as a church mouse, live in an area of high unemployment, and need it to pay the rent. So ethically-driven quitting isn't always an option, unless you're very privileged. Only about four weeks to go, and wondering if I should just keep my head down and get on with the work, take the money and move on? Or, try again to speak to him? Or quit and face penury till another gig comes up? What would you do? I almost feel guilty working there. It's such a a shame, as it's a beautiful place, the work really suits me, and I get on well with the other workers. One is similarly horrified, and we're allies! He seems better able to compartmentalise than me though, and wouldn't consider leaving. Sensitive woman that I am, I find it really hard to compartmentalise.
Anyway, I'm going to use the weekend to decide, and would appreciate input. Thank you.

I've been reading this thread over (really helpful) and mulling it all over whilst snuggled with my canine charge here.
I think I've decided to vigorously search for alternative employment (was doing that anyway, but will up the ante) in the interim, I'll continue with it, but try to stay out of the racist farmer's way as much as possible. Absolutely no accepting of lifts, no matter the weather or personal exhaustion levels, or how much he tries to coerce me. Racist remarks I'll try my best to grey rock. Other inappropriate goading I'll try very hard not to react emotionally to. I'll focus on the work and lovely colleagues. Until the gig is up or I find an alternative (whichever comes first)
For the rest of my life I want to avoid racist people. The things they think and say are bad for my soul. I want to surround myself with loving kind inclusive people. I've realised that compromising on that isn't an option for me if I want to thrive.
I need a life sorting plan! I can't go on like this, living hand-to-mouth, gig-to-gig. It leaves me vulnerable to compromising situations. I want to do work I really believe in. Lots to consider.
Quite a few people are living on zero hours jobs in the gig economy. I'm worn out from it.
Anyway, I'll maybe update at some point.
Thank you all so much for your input. Very helpful ❤️

WoolandLove …have just read your latest comment about lifts.
I feel worried for you now.
This man is on some power trip. You are working long hours and he knows you are tired and value a lift home. Please don’t be alone with him.

Thank you. Tbh I've had an unsettled feeling about him for a while. He's an extremely rich posh farmer (I know farmers vary hugely) and do think he sees workers differently.
The first n-word comment was due to me having picked loads of fruit one day, and he initially was praising me and said 'you're working like a n-word' 😟 I was beyond repulsed.
I'm actually wondering if I should ring the jobcentre and see if I might be entitled to anything whilst searching for work. I'd heard it's virtually impossible if you leave work of your own volition.
Anyway, I've got the weekend to think about it all.

Hi op, How are you doing today?

I’ve just come back to this thread after a busy blip at work and wanted to apologise because I missed your reply to me about the lifts.

I just wanted to echo what Lunathecat said x1000 really!

I also wanted to add that I am so relieved that you are looking for alternative work, because I think your instincts are spot on about this man, and your post about the lifts got all of my spidery senses going (I have two young adult DDs just starting out in their professional lives). He’s a wrong ´un that’s for sure and you are much safer out of there.

He was using the racist comments to test your boundary setting generally, so he could test how far he could take things with you I think. Horrible man.

And I am really glad to see that you are using this nasty experience as a catalyst to make some changes in your life overall, which is a positive move.

Do not lose that thought about a community garden or horticulture project! Someone I know did a course at an agricultural college on eco land management or something similar and then got a job working in a city garden.

I wish it weren’t necessary for you to make changes for financial reasons though, in that I wish you could live as an artist op, as the world needs more of them now than ever before.

I do though have a close relative who is an artist and life has not been easy for him. He has had to take on temporary work and he has the help of a spouse with a regular modest income and he has needed me and other members of his family to pay unexpected bills for him on occasion.

And he has the added advantage of being a tall bloke, so as you pointed out, his safety isn’t perhaps compromised in the same way as yours is when you don’t have enough money to ensure that you feel safe, which is a basic need. .

It’s not fair and it’s also not fair that many young artists nowadays have the unfair advantage of access to the bank of mum and dad.

But you can stay true to yourself and keep yourself safe and pursue your art by taking a middle path op. Get yourself to the local job centre and explain your situation and use all of their advice and expertise. And network with other artists to see how they solve this issue.

Good luck to you anyway. You sound like a lovely person and I hope the summer and the year gets easier for you as it goes along!

🌷🌷🌷

Yes agree with this.

The way I’d deal with it depends on the comment and person and situation.

if I felt safe I’d challenge. And thank you for speaking up. Agree everyone should do so but not many do.

With the farmer I’d probably be curious eg why do you say
Usually there’s not much substance behind it.

it takes a lot of energy though. And keep the job. But maybe work half the pace!

Just read your update. Yeah move on when you can. He makes you feel unsafe.

@Costantlyharried642 and @Pinkfluffypencilcase thank you both so much for your recent messages. I worried that I'd gone into too much details about my mental health struggles and people left the thread for that reason! But, I don't mention that without reason. It's all linked, as my lack of money and resources stems from lack of regular decent income, which stems from illness and that forces me sometimes to accept work that compromises me, so it's a circle. Obviously almost everyone, except the very privileged, at some point feel compelled to do work they wouldn't do if they didn't have to. So, that's not unique.
Anyway, so your messages were lovely to read. Thank you. I'm feeling OK. It's been great having a little break to think it all through. I've been emailing loads of local employers and agencies to find something to tide me over. I'll go back to work there till something else comes up, or the job ends in 4 weeks approx. But, with a very clear strategy in place.
I've realised I absolutely love working outdoors with plants; so I'm thinking of trying to find a gardening apprenticeship, which is something I know I could do. I love the idea of working with people who struggle with life, helping them via gardening and painting etc. So, I've got a bit of a goal. I can't go on like this in poverty and on the brink of homelessness for years on end. Onwards and upwards!
Only 4 more weeks at most 🙏
Thank you again so much ❤️

Probably when they’re dying in hospital and the only one that can save them is a black or Asian person!
people like him are vile and so uneducated it’s unreal. I just don’t understand how you can not like someone because of the colour of their skin. It baffles me to my core.
just keep challenging him. He’ll probably never change, but at least you can hold your head up high, and say you tried. Bad things happen, when good people do nothing. I’m so glad I grew up in London when I hear about things like this

just keep challenging him. He’ll probably never change, but at least you can hold your head up high, and say you tried

This ^
@WoodlandLove You should be so proud of yourself for challenging him, but now you know he is on the wind up, I would walk away, not rise to it. You sound fantastic and I hope you live your dream with gardening and outdoor work.

To my shame, many years ago, me and DH were subjected to awful racist talk from a tour guide in another country and I did nothing, apart from cut the tour short by hours and ask to be taken back to our hotel. I should've challenged him, and do you know... all these years later I am still ashamed of myself that I did nothing. It has weighed on my mind.

You won't have that, you're strong and you challenged him, even if it did no good. Well done you.

@Extiainoiapeial bless you. The fact you still feel troubled years later proves what a good, conscientious person you are.
You don't need to feel guilty at all. It's really hard to always say something in the moment, as it can take a while to recover from the shock and form the words. You left early, most people wouldn't do that. You have nothing to reproach yourself for ❤️

Sadly many farmers are racist in my experience. Your one should have his gun livence revoked for his Calais comments