Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Would you have gone out in these circumstances?

33 replies

unlikelychump · 01/07/2025 23:03

My dh and I take turns to go to an evening activity that means leaving at about 1910. It was my turn tonight, and I had to miss the last 2 weeks (so did he), because I was sick once and his mental health was bad the following.

Today I was trying to find out where it wasand if it was even on (it moves around),but i failed so at abou t 1830 I made my peace about not going.
At 1900 dh said he knew where it was and why wasn't it going.
He is now annoyed with me that I didnt go.

It was too short notice for me as I would have had a quick shower and changepack bag, I hadn't done prep for the next day (3 kids). Also I don't like to arrive late.

Dh thinks they are all bad reasons not to go.
What would others have done? Do you go out at short notice?

OP posts:
CarpetKnees · 02/07/2025 00:20

If it was something I wanted to go to and could normally only go once a fortnight, but had missed my last turn, then yes, I would have.

I'd have had my pack ready when I was trying to find out where it was.

NuffSaidSam · 02/07/2025 00:30

I wouldn't go at short notice, but then I wouldn't be in the situation where it was 6:30pm and I didn't know where it was! I'd have found that out in advance given its fairly vital information.

It's.not really any of your DH's business though, if you don't want to go it's your week, it's your choice.

EmeraldRoulette · 02/07/2025 00:40

@unlikelychump do you mean he was sitting on the information and only announced it at 7 pm? Or did he think you also knew?

Original poster
unlikelychump · 02/07/2025 06:20

I had tried to find out when it was but noone had replied. There was a fair chance it had been cancelled on this occasion so that was in my mind.

He doesn't usually read messages etc so I wouldn't think to ask him. For some reason he had asked someone so knew where it was and just didn't say. He said he thought I would know. I guess he was hoping to go himself and that is why he was annoyed with me.

OP posts:
NeedZzzzzssss · 02/07/2025 06:21

NuffSaidSam · 02/07/2025 00:30

I wouldn't go at short notice, but then I wouldn't be in the situation where it was 6:30pm and I didn't know where it was! I'd have found that out in advance given its fairly vital information.

It's.not really any of your DH's business though, if you don't want to go it's your week, it's your choice.

This, with a caveat to say if DH would've gone if you didn't and it meant he missed out too. Although you both probably need to communicate if that is the case

TheFutureIs · 02/07/2025 06:22

Why didn’t he go when he realised you weren’t?

Original poster
unlikelychump · 02/07/2025 06:39

Not sure. I tried to dial in online and he buggered off so I then had to come off and put the kids go bed. I think therefore it is my go again next week. He hasn't quite shared a view on that, because he is stuck on telling me I should have gone yesterday

OP posts:
Original poster
unlikelychump · 02/07/2025 06:40

My question was mostly about whether people go to things at short notice. Im starting to realise I don't like last minute changes

I know my dh is a non speaking pita.

OP posts:
DiggingHoles · 02/07/2025 06:40

I would tell him to stop being childish. I would maybe also find a different hobby. This is not sustainable.

goldfishbowl2025 · 02/07/2025 06:41

What’s the hobby?

TheChosenTwo · 02/07/2025 06:42

Yes I’d have gone at the last minute providing I wasn’t going to be turning up late. I hate being late for anything and would often rather not go at all than be late!

CaptainFuture · 02/07/2025 06:44

goldfishbowl2025 · 02/07/2025 06:41

What’s the hobby?

Road cycling or pokemon hunting I'd wager....

Original poster
unlikelychump · 02/07/2025 06:53

Yes I would have likely been late and I prefer not to be late. His view is that others are late so it would be fine. (He is always late)

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 02/07/2025 13:43

unlikelychump · 02/07/2025 06:20

I had tried to find out when it was but noone had replied. There was a fair chance it had been cancelled on this occasion so that was in my mind.

He doesn't usually read messages etc so I wouldn't think to ask him. For some reason he had asked someone so knew where it was and just didn't say. He said he thought I would know. I guess he was hoping to go himself and that is why he was annoyed with me.

Do you think he deliberately withheld the information until the last minute knowing that you wouldn't go and thought you'd offer it to him instead? And he's annoyed not because you didn't go, but because you didn't suggest he go?

HenDoNot · 02/07/2025 13:46

I would have still gone.

Your DH is right, you’ve missed your turn, it’s his turn next.

GameOfJones · 02/07/2025 13:48

I don't like plans changing last minute but I don't understand why you didn't find out with more notice? Perhaps your DH was looking forward to an evening alone? I love it when DH goes out as I get the TV to myself and some chill time. Why didn't he go when you said you weren't going to?

It's definitely his turn to go next though. You chose to miss this week.

mrsm43s · 02/07/2025 13:52

unlikelychump · 02/07/2025 06:39

Not sure. I tried to dial in online and he buggered off so I then had to come off and put the kids go bed. I think therefore it is my go again next week. He hasn't quite shared a view on that, because he is stuck on telling me I should have gone yesterday

Of course it's not your go next week! It's his go! You missed your turn.

TheChosenTwo · 02/07/2025 14:11

It’s not your turn next week! It was your chance this week and for a multiple of reasons you didn’t go.
But it’s his turn next week for sure!!

Redshoeblueshoe · 02/07/2025 14:16

Bloody hell this sounds like hard work.
Poor kids

Rispknee · 02/07/2025 14:19

Why would trying to find out where it was not have included asking DH, if he knew?

Why didn't he go and you swap weeks if you didn't fancy it last minute?

I wouldn't have wanted to turn up late, but I'd have gone without a shower, and left DH to prep for tomorrow.

CoralOP · 02/07/2025 14:22

Ehhh, I was thinking why would DH be annoyed, its a non issue, no need for him to be annoyed that your not going but then you announce that you think you should take his turn next week and I completely where he's coming from!
It's obviously not your turn next week!

It's OK for you to miss something without then trying to make your DH miss out, life doesn't have to be this hard, unclench.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 02/07/2025 14:29

If he knew you didn't know where it was and deliberately didn't tell you then you've got bigger problems than who's turn it is to go out.

I would get a babysitter and both go if he's not normally an AH, as it sounds like you could do with some couple time?

CarpetKnees · 02/07/2025 20:44

If it is a group activity, that moves venues each week, then I can't understand why there isn't a Group WhatsApp for notifications. Confused Just seems bizarre for people to have to message a variety of people as they try to guess where this secret society meets.

However, it is obviously your dh's turn to go next week. It's not his fault you chose not to go.

Original poster
unlikelychump · 02/07/2025 20:46

Nah hd probably had no agenda as such, he is juzt thoughtless. He reckons he didnt realise I tried to listen online, and he lost track of time so hadn't thought about kids bedtime. Bedtime takes ages because of disabled dc, so there is no tv watching relaxing at home. On balance he would have preferred he went, as he always tries to sneak extra goes, and then would have chosen neither of us going so I did bed. He doesn't care if I get to go particularly.

But as I say it wasn't about who was right, it was about whether you would go at the last minute to something.

OP posts:
Original poster
unlikelychump · 02/07/2025 22:18

You can't understand because I didnt say. It wasn't really relevant to my question which was about whether you go out if it is last minute.

OP posts: