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Original poster

Wanting to move out BF and MIL aren’t sure

45 replies

Angel98 · 29/06/2025 23:49

Hi new to this! Our daughter is 11 months old and we’ve just been given a starter house, one bedroom; me, my daughter and my BF. I have always been independent since I was a kid and have always dreamed of having my own place and looking after it. My bf (23) has always lived at home with his family. I don’t think he’s too keen on moving out and asked if we could do it ‘gradually’. I empathise with the anxiety of moving from your childhood home to somewhere new for the first time so I suggested that we move out slowly, leaving it till after Christmas (currently late June)

his mother however thinks that we’ll barely be staying at the new place and ideally still pretty much living with her. A 4 day staying at hers then the rest at the new place. This isn’t realistic as eventually she’ll be in school and all kids need a routine.

my MIL is lovely, very good with my daughter and adores her. I feel as if she’s my 2nd mum. I don’t want to hurt her feelings and I don’t want to pressure my boyfriend into moving out when he’s not ready, but it feels as if I’m putting my wants on the back burner and prioritising not upsetting them.

i need advice. What do I do??

OP posts:
Vaxtable · 29/06/2025 23:52

You move into the place with your child. If your bf does move in make sure he pays half the bills. If he won’t leave mummy then get child maintenance from him

ninjahamster · 29/06/2025 23:54

Move! If your bf isn’t ready then he can move in later x

CarpetKnees · 29/06/2025 23:56

Move out now.

Whether he comes with you or not. The idea of moving out of your parents' home to live with your partner and child should be an exciting time. If he chooses not to come, that says a lot about your relationship.

The idea of faffing about until Christmas is ridiculous, and very confusing for your little one.

Apart from anything else (not knowing who has 'given' you a starter house - presumably it isn't fair to take a house you aren't going to live in, if there are others waiting for housing?

Interested in this thread?

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Families
PickAChew · 29/06/2025 23:56

Move out yourself. If boyfriend isn't wanting to cut the apron strings, yet then you know you're doomed as an independent family unit. As PP said, he still needs to pay his way, whether he moves in with you or not. You're young but your MIL still sounds suffocating.

Mumof1andacat · 29/06/2025 23:59

He probably doesn't want to grow up and be responsible.

Scissor · 30/06/2025 00:03

Move. You have a closed opportunity. You take it, with open heart and arms, for your daughter.
These housing options do not happen again.
They do not. If you say no that will be the end of any choice.

CanOfMangoTango · 30/06/2025 00:06

If it's social housing, if you don't move in and pay rent they will take it off you.

It's a golden opportunity to be independent, your MIL should be pleased for you and encourage you both to move.

Ponderingwindow · 30/06/2025 00:07

Moving gradually is ridiculous. You are parents. You should be living independently and managing your own household.

If your boyfriend isn’t ready to grow up, leave him behind.

starfishmummy · 30/06/2025 00:35

As others have said, by not moving in you could lose the house. I'd go ASAP, the longer you stay with MIL the harder it will be to escape.

kiwiane · 30/06/2025 00:38

You need your own space and this seems great - please
axceptnit and then let your partner decide if he’s going to come too. It wouldn’t harm for it to be in your name only as he doesn’t seem ready to leave his mum.

happytobee · 30/06/2025 00:39

You say you’ve been ‘given’ a started house, who by?

CatRoleplayTycoon · 30/06/2025 00:39

You would be mad not to seize this opportunity with both hands. If your boyfriend doesn’t fancy adulting, he shouldn’t have had a baby.

Original poster
Angel98 · 30/06/2025 00:49

clarify: the starter house was given after staying in a mother and baby unit for a little bit. Council property,

OP posts:
INeedAnotherName · 30/06/2025 00:49

Your BF is still a child apparently and doesn't want to leave his mum or grow up. You however are a grown up with a real child so leave, grab this wonderful opportunity with both hands and start to live an independent life. He can choose to come with you or stay with his mum but think really carefully - do you really want to be lumbered with an overgrown second child?

Kimwestonhelpless · 30/06/2025 00:54

Angel98 · 30/06/2025 00:49

clarify: the starter house was given after staying in a mother and baby unit for a little bit. Council property,

Grab this opportunity with both hands.
It's an affordable rent if your both working come time.
I'm a council tenant for over 30 years.
Good luck in your new home 👍😁

tinyspiny · 30/06/2025 00:59

You move into the new home with the baby and if your boyfriend wants to stay at his mums let him . You need to explain to him that the council will take the property back if you aren’t living in it as plenty of other people need housing ( I have no idea if they would but that is the excuse you use ) .

Lifesd · 30/06/2025 01:02

Do you both work?

TwelvePercent · 30/06/2025 01:08

With all the talk of staying at his mum's half the week, do we assume she lives near to the new house?

ReadingSoManyThreads · 30/06/2025 01:13

So you've had a baby with a big baby that won't leave mummy to be a big boy and be a man and father to his girlfriend and actual baby?

I'd be moving into the new place immediately with your baby, and if your bf ever decides to cut the umbilical cord that's still attached to his mother, he can then move in with you both too, as long as he financially provides and doesn't just cocklodge and expect you to be his new mummy.

Kimwestonhelpless · 30/06/2025 01:14

TwelvePercent · 30/06/2025 01:08

With all the talk of staying at his mum's half the week, do we assume she lives near to the new house?

If they're not working and claim UC for herself and council tax and boyo decides to move in then your on to a precursor for committing benefit fraud if no changes are declared
Don't jeopardise your tenancy.

Pennyforyourthoughtsplease · 30/06/2025 01:48

You have a child, of course move out. Whatever possessed you to have a baby with a man who still lives at home 😑 Please use fool-proof contraception so you don't get pregnant again!

BruFord · 30/06/2025 01:52

Please move into your new home regardless of what your bf does. As others have said, he’s probably afraid of being an adult responsible for his own home and family- well, he’s should’ve thought of that before becoming a father.

If you don’t grab this opportunity it may not come along again.

beachcitygirl · 30/06/2025 02:03

Move!!!!

SandyY2K · 30/06/2025 02:11

This is a clear sign he wasn't ready to be a father. Ideally, you'd have had the house before the baby and not he's faffing about.

Good luck.

JustASmallBear · 30/06/2025 02:13

You and baby move in to your new place straight away. You want to get routines started and a sense of your new home.

Both your boyfriend and his mum seem a bit frightened of letting go of the apron strings. He can move later if he wants.

His mum will have to get used to you living in your new home and just visiting her and her visiting you - not for days at a time either!

Go for it, OP.

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