Wanting to move out BF and MIL aren’t sure

[Angel98]

Hi new to this! Our daughter is 11 months old and we’ve just been given a starter house, one bedroom; me, my daughter and my BF. I have always been independent since I was a kid and have always dreamed of having my own place and looking after it. My bf (23) has always lived at home with his family. I don’t think he’s too keen on moving out and asked if we could do it ‘gradually’. I empathise with the anxiety of moving from your childhood home to somewhere new for the first time so I suggested that we move out slowly, leaving it till after Christmas (currently late June)

his mother however thinks that we’ll barely be staying at the new place and ideally still pretty much living with her. A 4 day staying at hers then the rest at the new place. This isn’t realistic as eventually she’ll be in school and all kids need a routine.

my MIL is lovely, very good with my daughter and adores her. I feel as if she’s my 2nd mum. I don’t want to hurt her feelings and I don’t want to pressure my boyfriend into moving out when he’s not ready, but it feels as if I’m putting my wants on the back burner and prioritising not upsetting them.

i need advice. What do I do??

Okay! Thank you guys for actually listening and responding quick you guys are amazing!!

here’s my plan: tell him I want to move out asap and I want him to come with. If he doesn’t then he doesn’t. I don’t have to worry about him providing as he already buys everything for our daughter and makes sure that she’s looked after.

what matters to me is making sure my daughter has a good routine and a nice home.

hopefully he’ll end up being excited as well, he was showing me furniture the other day the weirdo

Good luck with it all 😁
Nothing beats the feeling of having your own front door.

You've been given a council house but don't want to move into it for 6 months? This is bizarre. Why?

Maybe they should give it to a family that will appreciate it! Do either of you work?

Your bf left you to live in a mother and baby unit?? Why on banging on about him being a great provider; that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Hiya, the mother and baby unit only allowed me and my daughter to stay, no overnight visitors at all and had to sign in and out everyday, made more sense for me and my daughter to stay there

Why were you living there?

He's 23. He's a father of a child. He either wants to grow up and behave like an adult, or he does not. You need to do what you need to do, he will either keep up or not. However it sounds like there might be some circumstances which have required extra support, is this what the MIL might be referring to when she's suggesting you stay with her?

long story: I was living with my mum at the time, ended up moving in with my bf and his mum when I got pregnant, still technically at my mums tho, went there to clean, check on the place and her. Found out my mum stopped paying rent and we were getting evicted, only realised when I saw the eviction letter hidden in the draws.

my mum didn’t really care (normal for her) and didn’t go to the court hearing or try to appeal. Me and my sister (who lived there as well) were made homeless so I had to be put in emergency housing. My sister is currently privately renting

Exactly. So do you hear yourself?

Your boyfriend, the father of your child, allowed you to become homeless and end up being housed in a mother and baby unit rather than stepping up for his child and the mother.

He’s a manchild who doesn’t give a shit about you.

Look at what he does.

Stop begging him to move with you, live in the home you’ve been provided with by the tax payer and focus on your baby.

Move! If he were my DS, I'd be telling him to stop being so wet and to step up and act like the adult he is - a gradual move is ridiculous

All the more reason to focus on providing a safe, secure home for your child, surely. Your boyfriend sounds immature and irresponsible. Be the adult here.

So one of your parents was completely feckless and screwed up your living arrangements. Don't let your child be in that same situation.

Do you or the child's father work?

Me and my sister (who lived there as well) were made homeless
So don't put your own child in a similar situation. Move into this place asap before they/council decide to take it back as uninhabited. And remember, his mum can kick you out any time she wants so you could still end up homeless. Don't have that insecurity hanging over you and your baby - this could be a life changing opportunity for you, take it.

here’s my plan: tell him I want to move out asap and I want him to come with. If he doesn’t then he doesn’t.
Perfect. But make sure you actually move asap and don't get derailed by bf or his mum saying "next week, tomorrow, why the rush, blah blah" it's just noise to stop you. Don't be stopped.

He’s obviously scared of moving out, probably had everything done for him (meals, cleaning, etc)

You can both do it, but he’ll need time to adjust, and it’s perfectly reasonable to give it to him. And you’ll also need to train him in all the housework his mother does for him.

Grab this starter home with both hands! Move in with your baby, let bf stay at his mum’s house, he can stay a few nights per week. The most important thing is you and baby have your own home.

What Vaxtable says.

Given your updates, please do take this house and give yourself and your baby some security. You finally have some control over your housing situation and you don’t ever want to be homeless again. 💐

If your bf can’t cope with moving out of his Mum’s house, let him stay there. Your and your child’s security is the most important consideration.

I hope it is in your name. Given his mummys-boy cold feet, assume you will be single parenting your child, so make sure this valuable resource is yours.

You move and tell your bf to man up or ship out. This doesn't bode well for any future relationship. He will side with his mother on everything. You thank his mother for all her help. Assure her she can still see her granddaughter regularly if she respects your boundaries and you don't give her a key.

What a wimp. Just move in.