Cafcass, undertaking on new partner, history of domestic abuse

[rosexoxox]

Hi, long story pending.
My abusive ex of 7 years who I have three children with, has taken me to court regarding children and also my current partner. He requested he gets safeguarding checks. Initially social services brought them back clear. Then following this Cafcass have done checks and they have flagged as red. 8 years ago since teen years my partner was a nightmare. Stealing, fighting etc. anyway I knew this would flag. However, calls from his followers ex at that time have also flagged. She has reported him various times for domestic abuse type statements.

he had told me their relationship was toxic and that she would always call the police on him, but did not say this would be in the report.

cafcass have advised the court to not allow him around my children.

my time with him has been lovely, abuse free, demonstrating a healthy relationship with my three young children who adore him.

he moved away and changed his life 8 years ago.

i am now finding out that I am pregnant….

i do not want this to happen effect the custody of my current children (3.4,6), but am now pregnant and happy.

do I have any chance of lifting this undertaking?

his 7 year and 5 year relationship surrounding the toxic one have said they will do statements about how he is in a relationship (positive ones) and he’s also contacted the bad relationship in a hopes she will write a statement to say toxic but no abuse.x

my current children obviously come first, however, i do not wish to be a single mum again (not of choice).

I have never seen any questionable behaviour and myself and my children are very happy!

please help!!

Your current partner is known for domestic abuse. Thank goodness that cafcass are putting your childrens' welfare first.

Yes there were reports from an ex with no charges. I am also putting them first. Just unsure what to do as I am pregnant.. I left a 7 year abusive one with three children, so I know what it’s like to be there. Just need some advice/ support from anyone who has had similar situations

Firstly women in abusive relationships often repeat patterns .

Secondly . It’s script . It was her behaviour , she called the police . It doesn’t sound like he was a great guy then . So I am tempted to believe ex.

yes I’ve noticed that (with my past partners).
this has come as a shock as this one did not seem this way ever

what a mess. Your poor kids. Why on earth bring another baby into their lives?

Nothing poor kids about them. They have a happy life with both me and their dad. Spoilt in many ways.

I didn’t know I was pregnant until today.

unfortunately I didn’t know my ex would abuse me for years on end, nor did I have access to police reports before my new relationship.

i thought this group is for support not judgement?

Ok if you only found out today that you’re pregnant, does that mean it’s very early in the pregnancy? Sad as it is to consider abortion, I’d not have a child with this man. You need to be able to walk away and focus on your kids.

How long have you been in this relationship?

Their dad as in your abusive ex, or your current partner. How long have you been in your current relationship?

Whatever decision you make about the pregnancy (I assume you’ll continue) you need to dump the man. He is a clear and present danger to both you and your children. There is absolutely no way on god‘s green earth I would discount these flags. You’d be an idiot to, and a bad mother!

My ex was abusive to me for 7 years, I’ve been in my current relationship for 1 year (living together) with no abuse

Oh hell no, terminate and walk away.

Living together for how long of that year? You haven't known him for very long to be able to speak of his character, nor to have him living with your kids.

And this.

The court is unlikely to take any notice of positive references. They're also unlikely to pay much attention to things that happened 8 years ago.

have they done a Section 7 or 37?

A year is a very short period of time. You have three children already. I would focus on them, not bringing another child into the world with someone you don’t know that well. Best of luck OP

So you took a man you have known for a year into your home with 3, 4 and 6 year old children??

You've been with him for 1 year, you live with him already, you don't even know him. Your exposing your kids to someone who potentially is abusive. He has all the red flag. Personally, I wouldn't continue the pregnancy and I'd end the relationship. You need to safeguard your kids. They have already witnessed enough abuse in their little lives. If you don't keep him away from your kids I'd question your ability to adequately safeguard and priorities their wellbeing.

Poor kids because after all they’ve been through you’ve shacked up with someone else immediately, got pregnant. You need to learn how to be okay on your own.

Did you run Claire’s Law check on new partner given your past history?

have you got legal representation?

Jesus Christ yet another woman moving a bloke she doesn’t really know into her home. So sorry for all these kids having strangers forced into their lives.

Been single for three years :)

Tbh to have left a long term abusive relationship and bring another man to live with your very young children within 2 years is concerning in itself. To add to that being pregnant with a 4th child and discovering that he's engaged in toxic behaviour at the v least in relationships when giving birth often coincides with escalation of abuse is a big worry, I can see why given the whole picture a flag has been raised

A year in he is still managing to keep the mask on imo.
Sadly he is playing the long game.

Get rid. And consider a termination...

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