10 yr old dd and bullying

[Charliebradbury]

Just looking for some insight on what to do next.
For the last couple of months my dd (10) has been having trouble with 2 girls in her class. One seems to be the instigator. It started out with little things like not letting her play with them, I told her to just find someone else to play with. It has since escalated.
They now move seats whenever she sits at a lunch table, she says they whisper about her, if she finds someone to play with they follow them around the playground. They call her names, have made tik tok videos about her. I have spoke to the teacher numerous times and I am told it is being dealt with.
Yesterday she came out if school in tears, she had been placed in a group with them for a group project and they had deleted all of her work on her chromebook that she had done that afternoon, they then removed her from the Google docs they were using so she couldn't do any work. She had told the teacher but apparently they just removed her again after the teacher had added her back to the group.
I have now emailed the headmistress but I don't know where it goes from here. My dd doesn't want to go to school, she slept in my room last night because she was so upset. It seems like the teacher just talks to them, they lie to the teacher and then are straight back to calling my dd names. Any advice how to help my dd?

You could try the NSPCC Helpline on 0808 800 5000 or [email protected]

Do they deal with bullying? The school doesn't seem to be interested in doing anything but having chats with them. She is convinced no one likes her and constantly asking to stay off school. She says someday she just sits on the grass with a book and no one talks to her the entire playtime.

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/dealing-with-bullying/

A kid at DS school mentioned another kid at a TikTok video and the Head called the police

personally id be all over your Head , be forceful make your message clear

I wouldn't be as polite to email. I'd be phoning or waiting behind to talk to the teacher and ask if its not dealt with then I would go further. Your poor DD bless her sending her the biggest hugs and hope things get better for her 💕

I would possibly (if approachable) speak to parents directly. My DP normally does this if there an issue with DD as I tend to be over emotional.

And honestly sick of hearing kids at 10 with f*ing tiktok.

Yep this is not OK. To make fun of her on Tik Tok and delete her work whilst in school is awful - your poor DD.
I would be all guns blazing to the HT and insist something is done now and parents of the other girls are informed about their behaviour. You could always send an email to the Chair of Governors if you feel the HT is not taking you seriously.

Your poor dd, i have much younger kids but this breaks my heart. If be asking for a meeting with the head, a plan of action expecting punishment and the other girls parents dragged in, then a follow up meeting in a couple of weeks. Amazing if the police could be involved in the tick tok BS.

Are they likely to be in the same class when they go back to school in Sept? Can you request she is separated from them? I'd also look at plenty of playdates with other children over the summer to strengthen other friendships.

I'd also look at whether there are any clubs she can do at lunch time some days to get away from them and build friendships.

Good luck xx

I've waited behind and spoken to the teacher and I've spoken to them before school and on the phone. I had asked the teacher to pass on my concerns to the head but I heard nothing which is why we ended up emailing. The girl in question is always making tik toks apparently, my dd doesn't have access to tik tok but the videos made about her were sent around the class on WhatsApp groups so that is how she found out. The girl then deleted them but luckily one of the parents of another child had seen it and screengrabbed it

I'd phone now and ask to see the HT at pickup.
Take a chronology of events and when you have spoken to the teacher.
Be polite but firm that situation is unacceptable.
Be clear in your head what is wanted eg
. Not to work together
. Not to sit separately
. 2 girls to be kept in at playtime for X time / to be constraoned where they play
....

Is this y5 or y6?

Apologies I thought it was the first time you'd communicated with the head. Honestly they only thing I suggest is waiting to see what happens with the head and depending on outcome go further.

Does your DD do any activities after school, where she can meet other friends?

Can you have a play date with a few of the other girls in her class so she builds stronger relationships with them?

Also is it an option she can move class after summer?

This is awful. Your poor daughter. What’s the school’s bullying policy? Should be on the website. If they’re not following it contact the Chair of Governors to complain. I disagree with others saying to chat to the teacher and head teacher, email will give you a useful paper trail of what has (or rather, hasn’t) been done.

I think email in advance, talk direct to HT and follow up by email.
It is getting to the point where I wouldn't be sending DD in without having spoken to the HT directly and having got some interim measures agreed. The class teacher does not seem to be managing things (why did she put them to work together!?), the HT needs to be made aware and made accountable.

This is absolutely disgraceful by the school. Email the head, in that email outline everything that has happened to your daughter. Email everything you have asked the school to do. Really lay it on thick as this is not acceptable for your daughter.
Go hell for leather on knowing all your rights and rules and how they are not fulfilling their duty to keep her safe..make it sound like a lawyer wrote it...not like pretending to be a lawyer but go for that intense, cold, hyper factual tone.

i hope this gets sorted soon for your daughter and also yourself . How’s upsetting for u both . Kids can be so cruel . Big hugs to your daughter 🫶

I suppose it's all down to the individual school and HT but I emailed the school about a similar issue one evening and by 10am the next day I had our HT on the phone to me arranging a meeting that day. Fingers crossed your HT is robust

Well I spoke to the class teacher at pick up and she said that the HT would be contacting me to arrange a face to face chat but they are hopeful that it has been "sorted". When I questioned further this apparently means that today the 2 girls and my dd had a meeting to discuss their feelings and how actions can hurt other people. My dd hates confrontation so says she pretty much said nothing in this meeting because they kept arguing with her. The teacher seems to think this is now all sorted but I do not agree as there has been zero repercussions for their behaviour. I will wait for the head teacher and then tell her that this is unacceptable.

I'd be trying to speak to HT in the morning.
From your updates I have no confidence at all it is now 'sorted'.

sounds like they were attacking her infront of the teacher. Good luck with the head x

Do you pick your child up from school? Do you know the parents of the other girls? I would have a word with the parents. Half the time the parents aren't made aware by the school. Any decent parent would want to know and get it stopped. Ive known too many parents wait around for the school to do something (they don't) and their child carries on getting tormented. The parents are the ones who need to know their children are being vile and get them to nip it in the bud.

I do pick her up but the other girls walk home alone. I know one of the parents but not the other, from what I can gather she very much believes her child can do no wrong. Another parent told her about the tik tok videos and she did nothing. I still can't believe that my 10 yr old is having to deal with fucking tik tok videos

This ^^
Your poor daughter. Can you see a copy of the bullying/cyberbullying policy on the school website? I’d be quoting it back to the HT in the meeting and asking how she plans to implement it so your daughter feels safe and supported in school.
Definitely no more meetings with the girls either, they need to know their behaviour is completely unacceptable and their parents need to be made aware and if it continues, they should be called in for a meeting.

Make sure you have a paper trail, follow up and phone call/meeting with an email ‘Following our meeting this morning…’ ‘Further to our phone conversation yesterday…’ so if it has to escalated higher up you have evidence of what has or hadn’t been done (Govenors, Local Authority, Ofsted etc)

Some whole school, intensive lessons on cyber bullying wouldn’t go amiss either before the summer break. Hope you get this nipped in the bud OP.

I have downloaded the bullying policy and am trying to work my way through the very lengthy document. It definitely mentions excluding children being a form of bullying just need to work out what the policy says the next steps are.

Use Chat GPT or Co Pilot to help you.

Use commands like, "Summarise this document for the key points to help a parent of a child who is being bullied."

And "What must the school be doing about bullying if this is their policy."

Then use AI to also draft your response, asking it to make it very formal in tone.

Sorry if that is patronising in terms of how to use AI...I'm new to it myself but find it useful for things like this. It's not always totally accurate but it's helpful.

I was a HoY in a secondary school and there's no way the way the school have responded has been right. And as a parent you have tried to trust the school and work with them and they have let you down.

Stop speaking to the teacher and go straight to the head. Demand a meeting with them and explain if this is not dealt with you will start a complaint and contact the parent governors and ofsted - blow up, do not calmly accept this. If you want things to happen you have to stamp your feet sadly. They will ignore you if you are passive

Aw that's shit I'm sorry. If someone told me my child was being spiteful I would be furious at my child, I don't understand parents who could ignore this but you wonder is it learnt behaviour. My dd is a bit older, 13 but the rule is I do random checks on her phone. She had two 'friends' in Yr 6 make some passive aggressive Tik toks on her before and they just pretended it was a joke. It's hurtful. Girls can be bloody cruel especially as puberty kicks in. Is she in year 6 or 5? I would echo what pp have said don't allow the school to sweep under the carpet ensure they are doing something. Can you ask she not be in their class next year? Has she got other friend's?