Friends sisters 40th…

[largeredformeplease]

Speaking to a good friend of mine this morning, hoping to get a date in the diary for dinner and wine over the summer.

She said that “July is pretty much out” as it’s her sisters 40th so will be “pretty much a month of celebrations.”

Not a problem, we can do something in August, and I’ve got a busy July anyway what with school holidays, our summer holiday, and meeting up with other friends etc.

It’s just made me feel really sad for some reason.

I don’t have siblings, and I have always wanted a sister. But just the idea of people spending A WHOLE MONTH celebrating someone turning 40 has made me feel incredibly envious.

I turned 40 3 years ago. I was in Spain with husband and kids and we went out for a birthday dinner. Parents got me a card and some presents. Some messages from friends. That was it, and I was happy with that.

I’ve got groups of friends from various points in my life (school, college, work, mum friends etc), but none of us go in for gift giving, which is fine.

I’m not really that big on birthdays, I find the idea of “celebrating” someone for not dying for another year a bit over the top. But, as I say, I find these month long celebrations for this woman turning 40 have made me feel really sad and envious.

I guess maybe sisters are the only people to really care enough to do this for someone, and I don’t have a sister? I don’t know.

Can anyone relate?

Oh yes.
Some people are wild for birthdays, others barely notice them.
I'd find it very odd to spend a month celebrating a birthday but hey, who cares!
It's just one of those everyone does things differently things.

Really OP why would you be envious of someone spending a whole month celebrating her birthday? It sounds just so self centered and self absorbed and totally ott.

You enjoyed your own birthday and it sounded like a lovely celebration.

Many many people don't have any one to celebrate their birthdays with.

Many people have sister's who cause them nothing but problems and who they don't get on with at all.

I'm afraid I'm really failing to see what you have to be envious about.

@Changes100very blunt of you, but thank you, possibly the reality check I was needing!

You are right, it is OTT.

I guess it’s just envy of a group of people (siblings, aunts etc) all caring enough about her to have a month of parties and celebrations.

But you’re right, I enjoyed my birthday with husband and kids, and I guess that’s all that matters.

I don’t have that. I adore my parents, but other than that just have a few aunties scattered across the country. A couple of them wished me happy birthday on Facebook, a few didn’t acknowledge it at all.

You’re assuming it’s other people throwing a month of celebrations for the birthday girl though. Isn’t it more likely that she’s the type of person who makes a big fuss of her own birthday and insists on her sister being there?

If you were that type of person, and had spent your 40th arranging celebrations with all your different group of friends, it would have taken up a whole month too.

I'm a "birthday month" person. I'll have lots of different events, some alone some with friends, some with family. It doesn't mean I'm doing something every day of the month, but yes I like celebrating myself😊

I didn't mean to be blunt OP.

But honestly I just dont understand how any one is so " special" they warrant a whole month of birthday celebrations!

I do think you sound a bit sorry for yourself. You have a husband and children and loving parents. That is something many people will be envious of you for.

I actually didn't realise " birthday month" people existed until this thread.

Yet another strange phenomenon MN has introduced me to.

I think "phenomenon" is overstating somewhat...

Of course this woman is so special she deserves a month of celebrations—why not? I mean that sincerely. If I had enough friends and family I would happily arrange a ton of smaller celebrations—which is what I think the sister means. Lunch with work friends, dinner with an aunt, out with school mates. Of course it would take the month and is much easier than one big party that lits of people can’t make anyway.

Why be jealous? Resolve to do more for yourself and have more fun in the future.

I have two sisters, and relatively good relationships with both, and the situation you describe of a whole month of sisterly celebrations couldn’t be more alien to me. It’s much more plausible that your friend is more introverted and feels that if she has things to do on, say, two weekends (which is much more realistic! A family thing one weekend and a night out another, say.) she doesn’t want to book up any more weekends, for example. In any case, I don’t believe that having never had a month long birthday celebration is a sign that all your relationships are rubbish!!

Is it a nationality / regional / cultural / female thing?

Outwith the world of Roman Emperors, I’ve only heard of ‘birthday weeks’ and ‘birthday months’ on Mumsnet, which is predominantly used by women, the majority of them being from England, possibly centred on the south-east.

Genuine question.

We had someone list this on our course at uni. It was birthday week until she turned 21 in second year when it turned into birthday month. And guess what, 22 was a birthday month as well. It all felt a bit over the top to me. And it mean she couldn’t meet for group work or deadlines and we all had to bend over to her as it was her ‘birthday month’. Never mind other peoples schedules, it was her birthday month.

i wasn’t that close to her but i can see how it grated on some of her friends. I wouldn’t be envious if I was you but feel a bit sorry that her sister has essentially been stopped seeing other friends at that time.

A night of celebrations?! I celebrated with a theatre trip and a meal.

You've quoted my post but I hope you aren't asking me about its origins! As stated its a new one on me.

I think it's interesting you bring Roman emperors in to the mix. Did they celebrate their birthdays for a month. It wouldn't surprise me given some of them - Nero and Caligula spring to mind- were certainly mad enough and had the necessary egos to think they deserved it.

Phenomenon as in the Cambridge Dictionary definition:something that exists or happens, usually something unusual:
So i think thats the appropriate word to use.

Maybe she meant not July as her sisters celebrations are costing her a lot and her finances are taking a hit? I've never heard of birthday celebrations lasting a whole month.

I understand where you are coming from though I think you are probably being a little irrational.
I feel like you do but it's when friends husbands organise parties, meals etc as I am long term single.

I have two sisters, we get on fine but have never done big parties or celebrations for each other. Maybe a family dinner for a roundy birthday but the birthday person or their spouse arrange it and the others just turn up.

I think your friends are unusual but do understand how you feel

Thanks all for your replies.

I know there is a trip abroad, long weekend type thing, with the 3 sisters.

And a big “family party” with all the aunts, uncles cousins etc.

Those two events will presumably take up two weekends.

I’m not too sure whats going on for the other two weekends that mean my friend will be unavailable, but there is definitely something. Friend planned all her holidays and annual leave around the sisters 40th.

Anyway, as much as it would be nice to have loving sisters organise me things like this because I was so special….i don’t, and even if I had sisters, they might not be the type to do this (as @JustAnInchident pointed out).

It is a bit much and in reality I wouldn’t like it.

Just something I was musing.

I’m not in the south east and know plenty of people, men and women, who will spend a month or so celebrating a special birthday. Nothing to do with ego, they usually have lots of friends and family spread across the country and different activities planned. It’s not really that strange. MN just lives in a bubble.

No, she is definitely keeping the whole month free for her sister.

The 3 sisters are going abroad (long weekend, I think), plus a big family party one weekend.

Not sure about the other two weekends in the month but she has been turning down invitations / suggestions / events etc since the start of the year due to it being “sisters birthday month”

That’s really interesting, thanks.

Thank you.

I guess it’s only natural for people to focus on what they don’t have.

I do have a lovely partner, which I am grateful for, but he would never ever organise anything like that for me. He actually didn’t even get me a present for my 40th. We were in Spain and the day before my birthday he took the kids out while I was making dinner and bought me a pair of earrings. I have pierced ears but never, ever wear earrings.

He is rubbish at buying gifts but it’s been so long I’m just used to it now.

But I know that for someone who would love a partner, they would miss having one at birthdays etc.

For me, it’s the large family I am envious of. I have my mum and dad but mum is in very poor health, which is a source of much worry for me, so I feel
envious or large supportive families.

Which is probably the crux of it, rather than the “month of birthday celebrations”.

….Lovely to see the power of MN helping me work through my feelings and get to the bottom of what I am feeling and why

This is slightly different though, in that it’s not separate groups of people.

my friend (the sister) is expected to attend all the birthday events throughout the month. And is happy to do so.

So it’s not quite as straightforward as somebody just catching up with different groups of friends / family throughout the month.

Yeah, I figured you thought it was appropriate...

Yep.