Friends sisters 40th…

[largeredformeplease]

Speaking to a good friend of mine this morning, hoping to get a date in the diary for dinner and wine over the summer.

She said that “July is pretty much out” as it’s her sisters 40th so will be “pretty much a month of celebrations.”

Not a problem, we can do something in August, and I’ve got a busy July anyway what with school holidays, our summer holiday, and meeting up with other friends etc.

It’s just made me feel really sad for some reason.

I don’t have siblings, and I have always wanted a sister. But just the idea of people spending A WHOLE MONTH celebrating someone turning 40 has made me feel incredibly envious.

I turned 40 3 years ago. I was in Spain with husband and kids and we went out for a birthday dinner. Parents got me a card and some presents. Some messages from friends. That was it, and I was happy with that.

I’ve got groups of friends from various points in my life (school, college, work, mum friends etc), but none of us go in for gift giving, which is fine.

I’m not really that big on birthdays, I find the idea of “celebrating” someone for not dying for another year a bit over the top. But, as I say, I find these month long celebrations for this woman turning 40 have made me feel really sad and envious.

I guess maybe sisters are the only people to really care enough to do this for someone, and I don’t have a sister? I don’t know.

Can anyone relate?

I have a sister and we don't talk! Also, I don't have a partner to celebrate my birthday with. And no other family. I know lots of people who have lovely, functional families, though, and do celebrate everything. It's just different families. I do feel a little alone (well, I feel very alone) but there's not much I can do about it. I have a DD which is like having a birthday every day, however.

I have a sister and barely get any acknowledgment from her when it’s my birthday. I doubt my aunts/uncles/cousins etc even know what date it is.

I always do something with DH and now DS which suits me just fine. I’ve not had a family event since I was a child.

I hate a fuss and month of celebrating but I turned 40 in lockdown. I was hoping to have a nice abroad break or even a slap up meal out but both went out the window. My 50th will be somewhere tropical to make up for it.

You don't need to feel sad about it. You celebrated your big birthday as you wanted to and she's doing it differently.

It's fine to think it's a bit OTT, I'm sure you're politely enough not to say so.

I admit I had a "birthday month" last year for my 50th. But it definitely didn't involve the same people coming to all events (except my husband who came to all). And my daughter also had a "new decade" birthday the same month so a couple of the celebrations were focused on her. If I told my sister to keep the whole month free for multiple events she would have politely told me to fuck off 😂😂😂

The downside of having siblings or big families is the constant things in the calendar that you cannot miss without it being a big deal and cause family arguments. There are only 3 of us living in different places but theres an age gap so in the past year 1 turned 40 and another 50. Both thought it best to have a party or night out with friends then separately have dinner with our elderly parent close to the family home. I had to travel to another city and do a full weekend for one siblings birthday party (in her home town) and a restaurant night nearer my home with an elderly parent, then a few months later another overnight for a big party in a different siblings city followed by another family night. Luckily the family stuff is local enough to me but still awkward. All of it was very expensive but it would have been really poor form if I hadn't gone. Then i had nephews Holy Communion in another city and a cousins wedding, another town again. All in about 6 months. As it happens I love a good party and get on with my siblings and extended family but it dominated my year. Most years aren't as busy but people with big families who are not very social really struggle with this.

It sounds like the Mad Hatter's Tea Party: if all the people you know all spend a month celebrating their birthday you must all live life in a perpetual birthday bubble!

I take it the cost of living crisis, global warming and conflicts etc pass you all by because you are all too busy with your birthday parties to actually care about anything else?

I turned 40 this year. Went to work, bought myself a fancy pastry, had a takeaway and cake in the evening with dh and dc. We had a nice holiday booked for a couple of weeks later. It was what I wanted and your birthday was what you wanted, no need to feel sad that it wasn't something else.

I didn't manage to go out with my group of friends as we had too much going on which was the only thing i would have liked to do but we will get round to it (and Ive known them since school, we've been on loads of nights out!).

I have a similar low key brother but if he asked me to celebrate for his birthday month I'd laugh and remind him that I have my own life!

It's unlikely to be literally 31 days of celebrations.

One weekend celebrating with a family party, another with mates, maybe a get together with mum-friends or a hobby/different friendship group.

Your 'month' fills up pretty quickly!

I did birthday month for my 40th, just celebrated with different friends and family and took the opportunity for a few treats. I didn't see my siblings at all for it.

It's pretty normal to do a few things for a birthday assuming you don't have a big party to celebrate with everyone all at once.

Fuck me.

I only heard about 'birthday weeks' a little while back.

But birthday months??

It just sounds incredibly self important and up one's own arse to me.

This is why I’m wondering where and how it originated.

Haha my child had a 'birthday month' this year. She had a family party around her actual birthday which is beginning of April, a big party with joint with school friends at the end of April, and 2 times in between where she had cake and was sung to, one on the actual day at the holiday camp (easter holidays) and one when she went back to school. She of course loved it... but then again she's 5 years old. Can't think of anything worse as an adult.

I do think OP that as others have said you are likely overestimating the 'other people love her enough to do this for her' aspect. She's likely to be the driving force behind all the different events.

My guess is Instagram was involved somewhere along the line.

Are you always this condescending?

Sorry but what is condescending about what i posted?

You are describing a life style I can't comprehend. A life where people have the money and the leisure time to spend celebrating and partying.

It's a world apart from.the reality of life for a lot of people, including myself.

Oh I don’t know, maybe this bit…

’I take it the cost of living crisis, global warming and conflicts etc pass you all by because you are all too busy with your birthday parties to actually care about anything else?’

I get that the OP feels a bit wistful that she doesn't have a bigger family. I have friends with very large extended family and there always seems to be celebrations or parties going on .

My daughter tried to have a birthday month as she was with different people during the dates around her actual birthday . It got a bit much and is now referred to her Birthday Ramadan .

So are you sad you don't have a sister or sad you didn't have a month of celebrations or sad that nobody seemed to make a bug enough fuss of you?

If you are disappointed with dh for his lack of effort then really you need to tell him. How much effort do you make for other people's birthdays op? I find you get back what you put in. I the organiser in my family so always organising to take people away with us, meet for a birthday lunch, buy the gifts etc. People really appreciate it and then when it's my birthday they want to do the same in return. Dh organised me a spa weekend with him and then he and my family organised a weekend away together. I organised separate things with friends.

If you don't feel connected enough to your old friends to have arranged a trip holiday with them then make more effort to spend time with them.
I feel like you are lamenting having a sister when really the issue is you feel a bit unloved an uninvolved in life.

Nope. You and others’ snide assumptions are wrong. Twenty years ago, a friend of mine decided to start celebrating her entire birthday month. She’s born in January and used it as way to see people after the holidays when everyone is tuckered out and doesn’t want to attend another big party. She gets to have lots of different meetups and catchups with friends over the course of the month. It’s lovely!

Yes there have always been self important and self indulgent people around, even way back then.

However, I feel the rise of SM and photo opportunities etc has made it even worse.

Your friend was maybe politely covering up that it is an expensive month celebrating her sister’s birthday and she had no budget left till August.

My Greek friends have 2 “birthdays “ - their birthday birthday and their name day. Very special.

No, it’s definitely not that.

I agree with those who think it's unlikely the sister is having a full month of multiple bday celebrations. Probably more like she has one big family meal out and perhaps something else with "the girls" and/or your friend has offered to babysit one night so she can go out with her dh but they haven't worked out the exact dates yet, but rather than going into a lot of detail saying "def can't do the first weekend then either second or third weekend is out too but I don't know which one yet and while there's nothing planned for the end of the month yet tbh I'll be skint and just want one weekend to chill at home!" she's just gone with the short version.

And yes, as others have also said, your own celebrations were probably more than a lot of people did so try and look at it from a what you do have POV rather than what you don't.