Is anyone awake? Struggling 5 days post partum

[Scaredandworried25]

I’m so scared- I have so many worries right now about my new little one and about myself. I feel so alone, I just need someone to talk to and share my concerns- I can’t sleep even though I really need to, I’ve been running on 2 hour chunks of sleep since Tuesday and I suffer from health anxiety which was under control during the pregnancy but is now rearing its ugly head.

LO:
5 days old and is ff. I had an ELCS and her jaundice levels were less than 100 when we left hospital, were 140 when midwife checked on day 2 and 207 when midwife checked today- she has to get checked again tomorrow, I’m scared it’ll keep on rising and we’ll have to go back in hospital. My eldest had jaundice but his levels decreased daily.

We have had chickenpox in the house with my other DC around 3 weeks ago and unfortunately my younger brother has come out with spots today (he must have picked it up from my DC and even though he hasn’t spent much time with the baby, he has been around her) I’m worried massively about this. I have had chickenpox so hopefully will pass on some antibodies but still panicking.

Myself:
With my previous children (forceps and c section) I had heavy pp bleeding for 5 weeks which then turned into a 3 week period. This time my bleeding has been quite light and today it has totally stopped. Is this normal to stop so early?

I have had mild constipation on and off in the pregnancy so since the c section have been taking Movicol sachets daily, today when I went for a BM, there was blood on the toilet bowl and when I wiped- I thought it had maybe triggered the lochia to start again but my pad remained dry for the rest of the day. I am spiralling out of control as bowel cancer is my main health anxiety worry and I have never had bleeding during a bowel movement before.

Also pain when peeing for the last 2 days.

Please someone help- I feel totally out of control right now.

Hi OP, you’ve got it all going on, haven’t you?

I want you sit and take some breaths. In through your nose, counting to five, and then exhale out of your mouth, counting to five.

Relax your shoulders. Breath.

Other people are here, too, to help.

Hi
First congratulations on birth of your little one.
Those first few days, weeks can be a real trial. I’m sure that you’re doing great by your new born. But I think you need to mention to the midwife the concerns that you’ve outlined here. Definitely pain on Urination needs investigating. May need antibiotics for a urine infection.
Hope your baby’s jaundice can be brought under control without going back to hospital.
Sending big hugs
PS: I can’t sleep either due to difficult shift at work. I’m a nurse in a Nursing home.

Hi @Scaredandworried25 I am in a similar position. 9 days post partum after a traumatic birth and one week hospital stay for baby and I due to jaundice levels. I’ve had minimum sleep too so feel your pain! Happy to chat

Put the baby in the sun light / day light for the jaundice.
Feed feed feed- if you’re breast feeding it won’t get chicken pox. the chances of you having bowel cancer (over it being the more common and mundane ‘piles’ is vanishingly small.
drink loads of water - get as much sleep as you can.
best of british - and congrats on your new baby.

Sorry - just seen your FF - it’ll have some immunity from you (assuming you’ve had the pox) keep an eye out for a spot - realistically there’s nothing you can do now - at this time - to stop chicken pox or investigate bowel cancer. Sleep. It’ll feel better in the morning.
can someone else do a night or two so you can sleep and recover?

Thank you everyone. I’m just having a big sob reading your replies. I know the postnatal period is a whirlwind of emotions but it seems like this time everything is going on at the same time and I’m struggling to relax. I’m so so worried- I’m getting horrible thoughts that one of these horrible things has to come true. I worry about the baby and about myself and then I feel like I’m neglecting my other DC. My eldest has had a tough year of infections and repeated antibiotics and I worry about him also.

Sorry to those of you awake with worries too- I hope things get better for all of us. @Lovebythesea I hope you and your DC are doing much better now you are home.

Congratulations on the birth of your new daughter.

It sounds like you may have a UTI if you have pain while peeing. As for the blood after your bowel movement, maybe you had a haemorrhoid that has bled, which would explain your pad remaining dry. I’d speak to your midwife about your very real health concern.

Jaundice is very common in babies. All of mine had it and I was advised to put their crib by the window, so they could absorb sunshine, but keeping an eye that they were safe

I do have very supportive family so am very blessed in that regard. My parents have been really great and have actually had my elder two DC with them for most of the month (unfortunately think that’s how my brother must have got the chickenpox). My mum has her own health concerns going on so I don’t want to trouble her too much but today we spent the day at theirs and I totally broke down in front of everyone this evening.

I was feeling emotional yesterday too- I was thinking about how everyone started off their lives as precious new babies and kept looking at my little one and bursting out but today these emotions have latched into health worries and I can feel myself about to get stuck into that cycle of seeking reassurance but actually getting more worried from DR Google.

Bowel cancer and cancer more generally is my number one health anxiety fear and I have many threads on MN under different names about it- after the birth of DC2 I started getting some digestive symptoms which doctors have put down as IBS, so far I have not had bleeding until today so that’s why I’m up crying when I should be trying to sleep.

Also thank you everyone for your time in replying to me, it’s made me feel much less alone at this time of night.

Thinking of you OP.
Sending you a big virtual hug.
If nobody has told you today, your doing amazing xx

Bowel cancer and cancer more generally is my number one health anxiety fear

Have you ever had a FIT test, OP, to put your mind at rest? If you can't get this test via your GP, you can buy one privately.

IBS is a bugger, isn't it? Given that you also had a baby five days ago, the blood will be coming from a perineal or anal break in the skin. Can you bear a warm bath with some salt in it, some time soon? I used to find this soothing in similar circs.

You have so much going on, your hormones all over the place pp, you've only recently gone through birthing a baby, and since then you've been looking after the baby and your family.
It's been hot and you may have become dehydrated, if the pain when weeing doesn't go soon I'd ring your gp in case of a UTI.

You sound like such a loving caring mum, just remember it does get easier as your body recovers, hormones even out and you get more sleep.

Awwww feel for you just now. So many worries whirring about in your mind. No proper sleep for days and it being middle of the night makes everything feel so much worse. Add in a new baby, hormones and other children to care for and it’s no wonder you’re feeling like this. You’re actually doing amazing! Speak to midwife re your urinary symptoms , easily sorted with oral antibiotics and drink some more water will help. The bleeding will more than likely be from a pile, all that pressure from birthing a baby and pregnancy. Bowel cancer very rare (nurse in this speciality) but request a QFit test from GP in a few weeks once things have settled shown a bit more if your still worried. Hope the jaundice levels start to drop soon, we are lucky babies get all this attention to keep them healthy and safe. You’ll soon be able to enjoy your new addition once these first few weeks and months pass. Hopefully you’re asleep , and baby gives you a few hours.PS- Don’t be too hard on yourself x

Thank you so much everyone for your lovely words. Got a few hours sleep.

You would think it being my third baby that I would have been prepared for the rollercoaster ride of emotions but suffice to say that this time it has really hit me like a ton of bricks.

Sorry if this is a silly question but could you still get an anal tear or a fissure/pile from a c section? Particularly a planned one where there was no active labouring beforehand?

@Wineandzoflora Sorry forgot to say thank you in previous post- I think that’s what I’ll do, see how thing goes and then head off to GP.

@TheAutumnCrow had a Fit test last year and everything was ok there thank God. It’s just my kind of mind with it’s negative thinking will latch on to the fact that this is the first time there has been actual blood…

Congratulations OP on your new little bundle 💜

Im 33 weeks pregnant with no3 and have been where you are. The first few weeks PP are a whirlwind. All your worries are valid, please don't worry about Jaundice too much, it really does clear up pretty quickly and midwives and the HV team will keep things right. Give the GP a call in the morning incase you have a UTI. You've just given birth in hot/humid weather too so plenty fluids and eat whatever you fancy and try to rest and do as little as possible - housework, washing and entertaining guests can wait until your ready x

No brilliant advice from me, but just wanted you to know you’re not alone. I’m going through a very similar struggle right now, albeit with a 4 month old. It’s so frustrating as my DS is the happiest baby but I’m totally robbing myself of the enjoyment of him thanks to my health anxiety and have found myself regularly spiralling with the what ifs and sobbing at the thought there’s something wrong with him or I won’t get to see my children grow up. It’s really, really tough!

I have found these loops of thinking are a million times worse when I’ve slept badly/haven’t slept enough so on those days I’ve asked my DH to take the baby for a bit so I can get a bit more sleep.

My fear is also bowel cancer, so I relate to the constantly looking for signs well. I’ve also had blood in stools but only when I’ve strained so the doctor has said it’s likely anal fissures or internal piles, but is humouring me with a FIT test as she felt it was the only way she’d be able to offer the kind of piece of mind I so desperately need. Unfortunately I’m now terrified to take the test in case she’s wrong 😕

I did find a massive weight lifted after the appointment though so it’d be well worth you seeing a doctor for a check and explaining your fears. I was worried admitting I was suffering from anxiety would mean my symptoms would be ignored/dismissed (another fear of mine thanks to the media) but actually was really lucky the doctor had first hand experience of the rollercoaster that is postpartum and literally said “tell me your fears and I’ll do what I can with my medical knowledge to reassure you, and if there is something that needs investigating we’ll go from there”. I think just being heard/listened to made a huge difference tbh.

@Scaredandworried25 also here with you. It sounds like you’ve a lot on your mind, and of course that’s completely understandable. If you’re able, you could call 111 for a chat with a nurse/doctor to set your mind at rest until you can be seen? My gosh the first couple of days with a newborn are so tough, hang in there !

Congratulations on the birth of your child. I send a hug to you .I hope the other challenges get dealt with.

Congratulations OP ❤️
my babies also had jaundice and had to have levels checked every day for a while. They were always just below the point of needing phototherapy then it cleared. Just keep doing what you are regular feeding etc.
with regards to the chicken pox on the night I brought my 3rd home from hospital my oldest started popping out in pox infront of my eyes. Absolutely covered. I was frantic. But fortunately baby didn’t get them at that point. Although I did panic about any little spot/baby rash he got for the next few weeks.
take care of yourself and a day at a time. The trenches are tough even if it’s not your first rodeo xx

I had a c section. Pain while peeing happened for me too - I never got this checked out but it didn't feel like a uti. I think it was irritation from the catheter.
The bleeding after c section birth is very light compared to natural birth - the surgeons remove the lining of the womb for us after taking baby out. It's why they push down on us so much and why we feel like all our muscles have been hit by a bus after.

My DS got chicken pox at 3 weeks old. I got shingles the day he was born (didn't realise at the time that's what it was) and gave it to him. He was absolutely fine. Only got 16 spots and he didn't seem to notice. The doctor said if they get it young it's rarely bad.

Thank you everyone- I woke up to help DH get the elder two ready for school (very hard for one of us to manage both alone) and my younger DS was sobbing he doesn’t want to go and he wants to be with me, etc and as soon as they left in the car ive just sobbed again. I know it’s a hard time for all of us especially the DC to adjust to a new sibling but I’m trying to keep the daily routine going for them.

@Mumofsoontobe3 congratulations on your pregnancy and best wishes ahead, thank you for your kind words.

@NormaNormalPants I’m so sorry you’ve also experienced those crushing intrusive thoughts- I spent the whole day yesterday worrying about the baby’s health and well-being and last night and this morning it’s now transferred to me- what if I’m not around for them, what if they don’t remember me…. It’s heartbreaking. I just can’t seem to rationalise anything at the moment- I’m petrified of going to the bathroom in case it happens again.

I know my loved ones are happy to help but I feel like a total burden right now and the mum guilt is intense today.

Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences of jaundice and chickenpox in babies. I’m going to try and keep baby as much as possible by the window today and DH said he will take her outside for some fresh air. I hope this helps gets the levels down.

Just wanted to update that baby’s jaundice levels have come down today thank God. So now all my anxious thoughts have transferred onto the bleeding I had yesterday. Still feeling very very tearful and a mess. Filled out the online form for GP appointment yet to hear back.

Is it ok if I continue to post? It helps when I feel alone at night.

Thank you again everyone for your time.

@Scaredandworried25 Glad to hear baby’s levels have reduced. We’ve also had the good news that our baby girls levels have also come down.
I’ll be right here with you keeping you company during the night. I get anxiety just thinking about being up all night long again 😞