Is anyone awake? Struggling 5 days post partum

[Scaredandworried25]

I’m so scared- I have so many worries right now about my new little one and about myself. I feel so alone, I just need someone to talk to and share my concerns- I can’t sleep even though I really need to, I’ve been running on 2 hour chunks of sleep since Tuesday and I suffer from health anxiety which was under control during the pregnancy but is now rearing its ugly head.

LO:
5 days old and is ff. I had an ELCS and her jaundice levels were less than 100 when we left hospital, were 140 when midwife checked on day 2 and 207 when midwife checked today- she has to get checked again tomorrow, I’m scared it’ll keep on rising and we’ll have to go back in hospital. My eldest had jaundice but his levels decreased daily.

We have had chickenpox in the house with my other DC around 3 weeks ago and unfortunately my younger brother has come out with spots today (he must have picked it up from my DC and even though he hasn’t spent much time with the baby, he has been around her) I’m worried massively about this. I have had chickenpox so hopefully will pass on some antibodies but still panicking.

Myself:
With my previous children (forceps and c section) I had heavy pp bleeding for 5 weeks which then turned into a 3 week period. This time my bleeding has been quite light and today it has totally stopped. Is this normal to stop so early?

I have had mild constipation on and off in the pregnancy so since the c section have been taking Movicol sachets daily, today when I went for a BM, there was blood on the toilet bowl and when I wiped- I thought it had maybe triggered the lochia to start again but my pad remained dry for the rest of the day. I am spiralling out of control as bowel cancer is my main health anxiety worry and I have never had bleeding during a bowel movement before.

Also pain when peeing for the last 2 days.

Please someone help- I feel totally out of control right now.

Glad to hear baby's levels have come down, what a relief that must've been for you!
Continue to post - many of us have been through the trenches. It's hard going but you're doing really well! When is the midwife due out to visit you and baby? Mention the bleeding when they come out - they will be able to chase an appointment up for you to be checked over. The fog does lift as hormones begin to settle and your body adapts to no more pregnancy. Give yourself some grace your doing fab! 😄

Thank you so much- @Lovebythesea I remember dreading the nights when DC2 was born, even though I didn’t have as much to worry about then as I do now. I hope all of this passes quickly for us, everything feels so surreal and scary at the same time right now.

Midwife came today and I mentioned the bleeding to her- she said I need to speak to the GP- still haven’t heard back from them yet.

Well done OP. The fact that you’re communicating all your worries is a really good place to be in!
Trust your judgement, you’re doing a grand job with your precious ones.

p.s. Everything feels a million times worse in the middle of the night, you’re never alone on mumsnet: there’s always someone to hand hold. 🌹

Hi @Scaredandworried25 I’m really sorry you’ve been feeling this way. I have health anxiety too and it was very bad after I had my second baby. I’m not a doctor but given you’ve given birth so recently I imagine the blood will be connected to that. But of course your fear is immediately triggered and takes over. Try to tell yourself: I am struggling with health anxiety. Don’t beat yourself up over it just remind yourself that this is a very significant factor in the situation. I find that once one fear is resolved my anxiety will latch onto something else, so I have to remind myself of the underlying ongoing issue (the health anxiety). I found this book very helpful and have attached a couple of pages. It’s cartoons and text. Sending strength and hope you have a peaceful night ❤️

Thank you everyone for all the kindness. It really helps knowing I can come on here and talk about my worries. My family are very supportive but I do think they’re starting to get fed up of me. As I mentioned I do have health anxiety so for them this is just the latest in a long list of panics but for me this time around, it feels really really real.

DH took the little one last night so thankfully I got some better sleep and I am feeling a bit better in that regard today.

TMI but bowel movements since the episode on Sunday have been loose… still waiting for GP to call back. Has anyone experienced rectal bleeding like this? If it’s piles, can piles just cause bleeding without any pain, itching or irritation?

Unfortunately I have been spending a lot of time googling, when I should be focusing on my new baby and that makes me feel horrendous.

Edited to say thanks @LissWay for the book recommendation, the pictures you shared are exactly what I’ve been thinking about the past 2 days. I’m going to order a copy off Amazon now.

I think the thing with health anxiety is that it makes you very very vigilant and of course once you raise a concern with a healthcare professional it will have to be checked out...which causes your anxiety to rise, particularly when you have to wait. Even if there's a minute possibility of it being something serious that is the thing you focus on. And then when you get reassurance from the checks your mind finds something else to worry about! Again, not a doctor, but given that you've been constipated, taken Movicol, had a baby, and are extremely stressed, there are lots of benign causes of the bleeding and the diarrhoea. Try to remember that. It might be helpful to focus on all the positive things about your body. You've done an amazing thing in giving birth - your body is strong and life-giving! I know it's hard but I really would be strict about not googling. Perhaps find something to distract yourself if you can, even escaping into a TV show or audio book.

Thank you so much @LissWay I have read your post over and over again because I have had a really tough day. It started off quite calmly but within a few hours those thoughts were creeping up again. I’ve just spent an hour crying to my sister and anyone who has a spare minute. Trying so hard not to cry in front of the kids but it’s so hard.

For almost 3 years I’ve had flare ups of mostly loose stools once a day, I’ve been to around 6 GPs and they all said IBS. The one thing that kept me going was that I never saw any blood. Now that I have seen blood- I can say this is the worst panic I have ever been in. I don’t want the GP to fob me off tomorrow. At the same time if this is just a health anxiety scare, I know I will latch on to something else and something else and something else.

Oh poor you. I think you should be really open with your GP about your fears. I suspect they will connect the blood to giving birth - it seems to be pretty common! If you think about it rationally, it would make sense. Perhaps they can suggest a way of keeping this particular anxiety under control. When I had CBT for health anxiety the doctor suggested that if I spotted a symptom to leave it for 2 weeks and see if it was still there at that time. Otherwise you can be forever going to get things checked. Another thing you can try is to book in things you are looking forward to say in a couple of weeks. It's a way of telling your brain that you are probably fine and by the time that date comes around this will be in the past and you'll be enjoying it. One other thing is to ground yourself in the facts as they are now. You have not been diagnosed with anything terrible! You don't need to go down that path in your mind and act as if you have been.
Everything feels worse when you are exhausted and trying to look after a newborn so remind yourself that the way you are feeling isn't rational but a stress response. If you can, distract yourself. I recommend something comforting on TV like Modern Family. Take care!

Thank you @LissWay for your kindness and advice. I have seen the GP this morning, she examined me and couldn’t feel any piles but she wasn’t concerned. I explained just how nervous and anxious I have been and she said she would email the consultant to see if they would like to do any further tests. I asked about repeating stool samples but she said no need and instead offered me anti depressants- I said I need more time to think about that.

Would other posters be happy with this? My worry has lessened somewhat but it’s still there right in the middle of my chest and I’m struggling to eat/sleep.

Hi @Scaredandworried25 sorry not to reply earlier, juggling work and children! I think the thing with going to the GP is that you don't really leave with the reassurance that you want. Either they tell you not to worry and nothing further is necessary in which case you worry they are being overly relaxed or they refer you on and you then worry about what that means. But I think you should be reassured that the GP was not concerned. And it sounds as if you have recently done some samples, which should reassure you.
I think one thing about health anxiety is that you have to learn to live with uncertainty. Of course immediately after a reassuring test result you feel okay, but how long is it before you start worrying that something was missed, or do you start focusing on another worry? You have to make peace with the fact that there will always be a degree of uncertainty in life. I guess that is how many/ most people live - they don't think "what if?" all the time or feel the need to be overly vigilant, or they think "it likely won't happen to me". Of course we shouldn't be totally non-vigilant but it sounds like it has got out of control for you. A doctor once told me that some degree of "benign neglect" - not constantly monitoring your body for signs of disease - is necessary. And you have to focus on the facts as they are today. You haven't been diagnosed with cancer.
I can see why you might equivocate on the anti-depressants. You might think "well that is going to mask the actual problem" but I guess if repeated visits and tests isn't actually making you feel better then maybe it does make sense to address the underlying anxiety? I am on them myself and while I hope not to be forever, I haven't had any side effects. It's a personal choice though :)