I can't say what I want to say.

[Lost44]

I feel like i have been beaten down mentally. I take it and take it. I have had it for years. But I still stay here because I don't see why I should have to leave. Its also company for me. Im talking about MN. Of course the answer is to leave. But I probably won't. I can't report because its not rule breaking people stay behide that line.

This post is opening myself up. But it feels like a no win situation if I say something I open myself up . If I don't say anything I can't tell anyone. And if I tell anyone I can cause a pile on.

To be fair to other posters, you did say people would say it’s a difference of opinion. Which means that most people would believe that it’s a difference of opinion, or that it is in fact a difference in opinion.

From what I can tell, the most controversial thing you can say on here is that you are a woman but was identified as male at birth. But even then you will get a mix of people who agree and disagree.

Sadly (or actually I would say very happily) you don’t get to live in a world where everyone agrees with you. It sounds like you need to do some work in real life on your mental health and resilience.

I think I’m getting a feeling as to why you always get piled on 🙄

Fair enough. Not sure what you’re hoping to gain from this, though. I can’t imagine anything you might want to say that would be met with universal disagreement, unless it’s something pretty objectionable. But if you won’t say more there’s no point talking about it.

Not at all clear. Just say it. If you don’t like the replies, hide the thread. At least you’ve got it off your chest.

This is all so very strange

Sorry op, you are indeed taking in riddles so apologies if you are genuinely distressed. However, this is an anonymous forum, say what TF you like! If people don’t like it, so what - respond, or don’t. Post threads, or don’t. Post replies to others, or don’t. You seem to be making this waaaay more complex than it is.. If you are struggling with ‘nastiness’ on MN, I am worried about resilience tbh - seriously - and suggest you reflect on that, and whether you need support of some kind, or just to toughen up a bit…

You can say it.

What you cant do is say it and be guaranteed agreement.

Just as you can type whatever you want (except if it breaks talk guidelines) so can others.

If you have stuff you want to say that you feel will get negative responses then I suggest not posting it in aibu!

Find an appropriate topic and post it in there.

Also how you say something matters so word it thoughtfully.

Can you give an actual example of the thing/opinion/situation you’re talking about and the responses you get?

I might be way off the mark but I’m guessing you’ve posted about your relationship, people have said it sounds unhealthy/abusive/controlling and you should leave, but that’s something you can’t contemplate doing and it makes you feel attacked? Just a pure guess.

If you want MN for company, then maybe start some lighthearted threads about things that are not controversial. It sounds like if you want a different response you need to change what you are doing.

Its to do with bullying on MN. The problem is it's very rare that it's acknowledged, that it happens. From what I have seen on other threads the replies are things like you can't get the responses you want. No sugar coating of simlar i have never seen anyone say actually it does happen.

I have seen many pile ons on here as I’m sure most have. They can be unpleasant but often are as a result of the OP asking if they’re unreasonable, being told yes, and then arguing they’re not or, the same poster posting about a variation of another post they made expecting different answers and being unwilling to take advice. I actually have seen many instances where the MN community has been hugely supportive and offers invaluable (but sometimes brutally honest) advice.

Do you feel you’re being bullied on here OP?

I honestly have no idea what you are talking about? If you genuinely have a problem nobody can help unless you state clearly what that problem is.

You've never seen anyone say that bullying does happen?

I promise you the issue of bullying on mumsnet, and harsh replies, and disagreement are regularly discussed on here.

It is tricky because one person's clear reply is another's bullying. If 30 people all give direct answers it can appear to the OP as a concerted attack, even if it isn't. Certainly don't post on AIBU if you aren't robust. A topic specific board is better.

I think sometimes people post and they are really just looking for agreement - they have a situation going on elsewhere and they want agreement that their view of it is valid.

But sometimes their view IS skewed, as in very subjective. Or maybe they haven't given full facts so people can't know.

Sometimes people start posts with things like feeling fragile so please be kind. Or, fully prepared to be flamed for this. Or, interested to hear others experiences. Etc.

So it gives the reader a clue of what you want.

A bit more clear??

it's as clear as mud.

stop talking in riddles.

MN is for discussion, if you think your POV is the only valid one, try a mirror instead. Or as has been suggested a therapist or reddit.

That's probably true to be honest. I'm probably just not seeing that at the moment. But you're probably right.

Often people post about a situation that it fairly ‘normal’ to them, but raises a lot of red flags to the reader, who will call those things out. The OP then gets defensive because that thing isn’t particularly controversial in their world, and feels like they’re being piled on, but the responders are just trying to point out that to most people, that thing isn’t normal.

If you’re the poster that I think you are @Lost44 then you’ve been here for years. So if you keep getting the same sort of responses, perhaps you need to take a step back and think about why that might be? You may also need to consider that MN simply isn’t right for you if it’s upsetting you like this.

It’s an online forum. People are mostly anonymous, so can say what they want within reason.

I have had harsh things said about comments I’ve made, by people who have their own agenda. You can either engage or let it go. Depends how you’re feeling on the day.

I find a little break and a change of name can work wonders. Once I change my name I feel it’s a fresh start. I try to be as non-confrontational as I can because pile-ons can leave a person feeling quite depressed and anxious. For me personally, I have found that if a notification of a response doesn’t fill me with dread then I’m using MN the way I want (I don’t like conflict or drama in real or virtual life). It does mean that I stay reasonably moderate but I am like that in real life anyway.

I'm not sure who you think I am. But I have had fantastic responses and support. The good in people far out weighs the bad side. I think maybe I'm just seeing the negative side because that's how i feel just now.

Op it’s really worth remembering that it isn’t people’s words that is the issue here (they are complete strangers, and know virtually nothing but the barest hint offered to them)

It is OUR reaction to those words. I always question why I am reacting so strongly, what raw nerve has it pressed. Is there some truth to their view? What does it bring up in me to create negative or positive feelings. You can decide to give those words weight, or you can completely disregard them.

You do get to control how you interpret the outside world.

You wake up in a good mood, and the world feels like a great place.

You wake up the next day to exactly the same world but this time you aren’t so happy, and suddenly your perspective shifts. It’s the same world - but somehow it’s coloured by your thoughts and feelings.

Why a mysterious thread, I can't make any sense of it.
Based on your posts, perhaps OP, you may be vulnerable. Please seek proper support in real life and take anything online with a massive pinch of salt. Safeguard your wellbeing.