I thought I was getting the gift I wanted.

[Sulking]

I feel like a bit of a brat!

DH talked about a gift that I’ve been wanting for a couple of years (a gold ring to add to my jewellery box) but we knew it was a fairly expensive gift. But for a few weeks before my birthday (last weekend) he was asking my ring size, checking which one I wanted, umming and ahhing about buying it and said I would have to wait and see.

He said a few days before my birthday that he had ordered my present but not to get too excited.. so I was very 50/50 🤣 I have asked for a few things recently that could have given him some ideas. However on my birthday I opened my gift and it was nothing I’d asked for 😅 I know that sounds so bloody horrible but because we’d spoken abit a few things I liked I thought maybe o was getting one of these things and I’m a bit disappointed that I haven’t. I’m especially disappointed about the ring because it’s not something I would really buy myself; so when DH talked about it I was excited. But I do know that it was a bit out of our usual birthday gift budgets. I just feel like he shouldn’t have mentioned it at all if he wasn’t sure.

nothing to this, just wanted to have a lil rant to myself because I don’t want to rant to anyone I know and look like a spoilt cow.

Yeh I’d be Brat like as well, my DH bought me 2 gift experiences that can’t be refunded and they are essential for him. So I did actually throw my dummy out of the pram. I wonder why he mentioned sizing? Very strange.

I actually think this sounds very cruel - he is well aware that he has led you to believe you are getting a ring. I would be very disappointed but also quite annoyed.

Books, flowers and chocs are nice enough but pretty generic gifts, hardly thoughtful or special.

Oh I'd be pissed off, asking all those questions and getting a book, how much is the budget and how much more over is the ring ?

@Sulking I do not think you are being a spoilt brat! I completely understand your disappointment. It was a bit mean of him to dangle that carrot in front of you. My DH has done this to me since forever. From buying me an engagement ring that was NOTHING like i'd shown him, to buying me birthday/christmas/mothers day gifts etc that I have specifically said i didn't want. The only advice I have is to buy yourself the things you want.

In which case I think he was a bit of a dick for bringing it up. Surely he’d have looked at rings first and then had a mental idea of what the prices may be and decided whether or not it was in the price range. BEFORE asking for ring sizes. And if not, when he realised he wasn’t getting it the right thing to have done would have been “I was hoping to get the ring but i just can’t afford it right now,” and then bought you one of the other things you’d suggested - not go rogue and just buy generic books and chocolate. That’s just lame after dangling a teaser like that in front of you.
i like books and chocolate but it’s not on a par with something you’d been lead to believe you might have received!

I say budget but we don’t really have a set ‘budget’ we just haven’t really ever spent more than £200 on birthdays and the ring is double that so I do completely understand and I know that I shouldn’t have ever expected it.

healed about ring sizes because he was thinking about getting it for my birthday. He did say this a couple times; we sort of discussed it together and I basically said that I would of course love it because it’s what I’ve wanted for a while, but I don’t expect him to spend that much on my birthday by any means.

I think it was a case of him weighing it all up, getting my size; thinking about it and then deciding maybe not this year.

This

especially gold ring versus book and chocs - hardly in same ballpark - that’s what I’d buy a friend and

Books and flowers? Sorry but that's a shit gift.

Is 400 an amount you both can afford ? There's no harm pushing the limit for something special, or if it's something you really want and prefer over everything else I'd probably offer to put something towards it.

A book etc doesn't come near 200 quid, it sounds like a gift that you'd get last minute, or if you couldn't think of anything to buy someone which is mad because you said you mentioned a few others things you'd like.

I think what he did was a bit lousy.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. He got your hopes up with all the talk and didn’t deliver , of course you are disappointed- I get it !

This !

Wow. Sorry but yes, you are coming across as a spoiled brat.
You are not.
Everyone is disappointed sometimes.

just but the ring for yourself
I agree with this bit though.

You have every right to be well pissed off.
Why mention it at all?
A book instead?
It actually sounds rather unkind, or at the very least very thoughtless.

Yanbu.

Quite. Especially when he’s asked about ring sizes and also the OP had given him other things she’d like that weren’t as expensive.

Agree with this. Definitely buy the ring yourself!

This. Also, how is that coming to £200?

He could have given you the £200 cash to pay towards the ring and you could have put the rest of the money yourself.

Hope you don’t go overboard for his birthday and reciprocate similar gifts he got you.

Get some overtime in and buy ya own ring

You are absolutely NOT coming across as a spoilt cow.
I've been in this situation many times. I'm always clear about things I like, I have hobbies that are easy to buy for and yet no one is listening and I get stuff I've never mentioned and never would.
It's particularly disappointing when I listen and make a mental note when my lot mention something theyd like

Sorry I disagree

I agree with this. OP, has he done this before? Talked something up and then it be a bit disappointing? In your shoes I would ask why he wanted the bloody ring size - I mean, any idiot would know that you only do that if you're definitely going to buy the ring.

Also, buy it for yourself.

Buy the ring for yourself and buy him socks for his birthday.

Buy the ring, eat the chocolates and read the books.

Ehh… I sort of get it and I don’t, at the same time.

Every time you feel disappointed, try to remember all the women who post on MN about how their husbands didn’t get them a gift, forgot an anniversary, or went away with friends instead of celebrating with their wife.

Yes, you didn’t get the ring… but you did get something. He did made the effort to go and get you more than 1 gift, even if it's not exactly what you wanted. Practising a bit of gratitude can really shift how you feel.

If the ring is important to you, you can always treat yourself to it or have an open conversation with your husband about it. Just don’t frame it as “you were supposed to get this for my birthday” make it about expressing your desire and making a meaningful choice together.

Oh god this actually happened to me! Except that I was set up to believe I was getting a brand new Peugeot as my first car, was taken to showrooms, had test drives, and was asked what colour I wanted. One afternoon I was asked to look out the window as there was a surprise outside. It was an old banger that someone from DF’s work was selling, so he just decided to get me that instead. He could tell that I was disappointed and was really annoyed with me. It was actually quite humiliating. It ended up being the first incident of many of him promising extravagant gifts then ‘surprising’ me with something greatly inferior.