Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

I don’t have any friends

32 replies

Maximusdecimus · 18/06/2025 15:40

I’m 49 years old. I don’t have any friends. I’m so lonely. I’m married and my husband has a few mates but since we got married they seem to have dropped him. We sit in every single weekend. I did have a couple of friends, and then recently I’ve suggested getting together and have been met with silence so wondering whether just to leave the WhatsApp group. One of them is getting married soon so think I’m not going to be invited even though they came to my wedding and so I’m being quietly dropped.

I don’t speak to anyone no one checks in on me. I feel so sad. I just need to vent on here really. I would love a friend.

OP posts:
WilfredsPies · 18/06/2025 16:08

I don’t really understand why you’re stuck indoors all weekend. I think you’ve got the perfect chance here to not only put yourself out there, but put yourself out there with your husband, so that you not only meet new people but you also start to have fun in your marriage and really enjoy each other’s company. Find something you both really enjoy doing, whether it’s tennis or life drawing and be each other’s best mate. Fun couples attract other fun couples.

Maximusdecimus · 18/06/2025 19:24

He works really hard in the week so by weekend is exhausted. I would love to have girlfriends I can meet up with. He is away most of the week working and now my children are older I just sit in.

OP posts:
MBM18 · 18/06/2025 20:41

OP you need to put yourself out there. Find local classes for yourself, go to the pub together.
Do you live in a City or Village?

bluejelly · 18/06/2025 20:57

Is there a local book club you could join? I found that a great way to meet new people when I moved city. Also volunteering

Maximusdecimus · 18/06/2025 21:08

I have just joined the meet ups website doesn’t seem to have a lot going on either. I’m in a town but accessible to anywhere really.

OP posts:
dollyblue01 · 18/06/2025 21:11

Maximusdecimus · 18/06/2025 21:08

I have just joined the meet ups website doesn’t seem to have a lot going on either. I’m in a town but accessible to anywhere really.

What part of the uk are you in ? If near Liverpool, quite a lot of groups aren’t too bad and lots going on.
what about the gym? even if you just use the spa and sauna , dog walking ?

Thinlyveiled · 18/06/2025 21:12

Join a walking group. Take up yoga, go on a retreat. Take up painting or pottery or jewellery making. Join a choir or the WI. Join the Quakers . Volunteer at a NT property, join the Wildlife Trust and volunteer with them.
Join a knitting group. Just some ideas.

BoredTrish83 · 18/06/2025 21:12

@Maximusdecimusare you talking about me lol ? You sound like what I've been saying for ages .
I have no friends to "call on " my husband works away all week and is tired at weekend like yours and my kids are 16 and 19 ( she's moved away)

SwedishSayna · 18/06/2025 22:14

OP this is so sad to read and it sounds like you have a lot of hurt. It's a shit situation to be in and it's ok to be sad and upset about it. What's stopping you taking action to change things?

Branleuse · 18/06/2025 22:34

Is there much going on near you?
Any music nights in pubs?
What are your interests?

Maximusdecimus · 19/06/2025 09:30

I’m quite introverted. I like films, reading etc. But I do really like just sitting talking to someone going out for dinner etc. I’m not a clubby type of person.

I found it really hard to make mum friends, as I was always working.

OP posts:
babystarsandmoon · 19/06/2025 09:35

At least you have him, some people have nobody at all.

Go and life your life doing things together.

Movinginthesunlight · 19/06/2025 09:36

In the nicest possible way, what are you expecting from this thread? You have to be willing to put yourself out there and make changes, otherwise you will be in this exact same position or potentially worse this time next year.

I recently relocated and really put myself out of my comfort zone and joined lots of groups, networks and also Bumble BFF and im starting to make some really good friendship !

Belladog1 · 19/06/2025 09:45

I'm in a similar boat. I didn't have children, and I think a lot of people meet friends via school things? Well - that's what I was told anyway.

I have recently moved by myself into a gorgeous sleepy little village, but absolutely nothing is going on there!!!! I went into the pub there on my own for a beer and I joined the Nextdoor page to check for anything happening either in my village or surrounding villages.

When I walk through my village the neighbours are very nice and say hello and smile, but so far I haven't 'met' anyone.

SwedishSayna · 19/06/2025 10:43

The OP has said she wants to vent. Maybe it's helpful to know others share her loneliness? It's fair enough to ask for support.

BobbinThreadbare123 · 19/06/2025 10:50

Where are you based, OP? It's easy for people to come on and say join clubs or use Meetup etc. I've had the same advice, but I live in a sparsely populated area so it doesn't always work like it would in a city.

SpringboksSocks · 19/06/2025 10:52

Hi op, I just wanted to give you moral support and say I haven’t got any friends either. Over the last 6 months I’ve lost every single one of them…. no dramas, we’ve just drifted apart for different reasons. I’m divorced and single so don’t have any company at all apart from my kids, and I see my parents occasionally. Like you, I would love someone to check in on me. It’s been lonely and hard but I’m putting myself out there and just starting to accept that this has happened for whatever reason and I’ll make new friends as long as I don’t sit around at home.

Anyway, all I wanted to say really is that you’re not alone in feeling like this and I hope things get better for you soon 🌷

latetothefisting · 19/06/2025 10:57

Honestly lots of people are really busy, with work, friends, family, house stuff, hobbies if they're lucky....they aren't actively looking for new friends because they can barely make time for the ones they've got. That's why people on here say theyre looking for friends but never get past the smiling and chatting stage - not because there is anything wrong with you - if you'd met at a different stage of their lives they might have become good mates.

When you think of it the chances that you and someone who a) also is looking for friendship b) who you'd actually like to be friends with! Are in the same place at the same time is quite low so you need to narrow the chances by primarily trying to focus on other people who want to make new friends. That's where apps like meet up or bumble come in. Look on local fb groups too - there are loads of "x city girls" or similar and on my local one people post a "looking for friends" post every day.

Or look at groups specific to your interests e.g. adventure sports, walking, gigs, cinema, volunteer for a charity, parkrun, etc.

Basically you really have to put yourself out there. There are a lot of people who are up for making new friends but they aren't just going to stop you in the street and start chatting to you!

MemorableTrenchcoat · 19/06/2025 10:59

SwedishSayna · 19/06/2025 10:43

The OP has said she wants to vent. Maybe it's helpful to know others share her loneliness? It's fair enough to ask for support.

Exactly. People don’t realise how struggling to make and keep friends really beats you down. Eventually your brain, not unreasonably, takes it upon itself to protect you from any further pain and rejection, by keeping you locked away. This is a very difficult cycle to break.

latetothefisting · 19/06/2025 11:04

BobbinThreadbare123 · 19/06/2025 10:50

Where are you based, OP? It's easy for people to come on and say join clubs or use Meetup etc. I've had the same advice, but I live in a sparsely populated area so it doesn't always work like it would in a city.

Right but what is the alternative? "Have you tried walking the mountains and shouting "anybody out there?" "

If someone wants to meet people then suggesting they try clubs specifically to meet people is hardly illogical!

Just because the club might be based in the nearest city doesnt mean there's an exclusion zone! my local walking group is titled (for example) "Bristol walkers" but then the walks take place all over the south west with no expectation you have you go to all of them.

The UK is pretty small, the vast majority of the population are pretty close to some sort of urban centre, if you cba to drive an hour to meet people then you can't be that desperate to make friends!

RedBeech · 19/06/2025 11:28

Sorry you are feeling isolated right now, OP. I think this happens to lots of people at some point in life and it is quite a shock, as often we are not aware that friendships have drifted away until they are already dead.

It happened to me, a while ago, and I rethought what friendship is before setting out to make new friends. This really helped. I decided to fully accept that friendships don't necessarily last forever and that is okay. If they die naturally, let them. Never try to cling on to a friendship that is spent.

I also started to put far more value on shallow friendships and casual acquaintance, without trying to force it to become deeper. That makes it easier to befriend new people. E.g. Go to a fitness class regularly and once everyone is familiar with each other, occasionally go for coffee together afterwards, or Christmas and summer drinks. Nothing more. That's fine. let it be a sociable but casual thing. This can take time. Usually a bout a year of turning up regularly ime.

To make new friends, maybe give yourself three or four new things to do in different spheres of the community. I went to fitness classes, to church, helped at a food bank, and went to an evening class. DH became a school governor, helped campaign with a local political group and joined a choir. Not one of these things ever brought either of us a good friendship. But they did bring us a more interesting life. That meant when we caught up with old friends or met new people through work, we didn't have a flat, isolated energy, and people were keen to stay in touch. We were clearly busy and enjoying life. You might want to do a couple of new things together with your DH and a couple separately - things you really want to do anyway.

I think a good start is: something physical to improve your fitness - dance, yoga, gym, running club, wild swimming etc. Something to do with your local community - food bank or other charity volunteering, community gardening, local political campaigning, serving at church or helping at school etc. Then something creative or uplifting - could be a craft class or choir or am dram, or meditation or adult education evening class.

It's also worth reaching out to old friends from years back. I went to a reunion and realised I missed someone, told her on FB I wished she'd been there and she wrote back. We hadn't seen each other in decades but clicked and have been on holiday twice together now, with plans to meet up again.

Another thing I have found helps is - don't be bland. Reveal the slightly odd side of your personality. People know I'm Christian but I mentioned when chatting to someone I didn't know that well, that I was fascinated by all those pagan rituals that connect us with the turning of the seasons. She invited me along to one. Now I go with her a few times a year. Not religious ceremonies but celebrations of Midsummer or Midwinter. We get on well and now meet for coffee and walks in between quite often.

If I think about the good friends I have seen in the past couple of months - one was a set of people I met online in a shared interest group, another was a set of people who were friends of some of the shared interest group but not online - we met through them, then they drifted apart but I stayed in touch with them too, one was a catch up with old teenage friends, two were school gate mums - neither of them with children in my year but over the years we gradually got to realise we got on. All of these friendships were very slow burners excpet the teenage one, which was 'not seen each other for forty years but picked up exactly where we left off'.

Sorry this is a bit of an essay but I was very lonely at one point and am now happy with the friendships I have. It took a lot of re-setting to get there, and my biggest piece of advice is - it's okay for things to start slowly - never force a friendship. Just get out into the world, do things for their own sake, and friendships shallow and deep, transient and lasting, all worthwhile, will evolve, over time.

fluffiphlox · 19/06/2025 11:32

Go to a parkrun on a Saturday morning. You can run/walk or volunteer. It’s a great routine to get into. You do have to have some gumption though and speak to people.
www.parkrun.org.uk/

Runlikesomeoneleftgateopen · 19/06/2025 11:41

Walking a dog is a great way to meet people, asking people at work if they would be interested doing something, start your own meet up group for coffee, cinema, walks, garden visits, etc. When your out and about just start making more effort in general.
Show interest in people, ask questions.

Disturbia81 · 19/06/2025 11:43

You have to make the effort and get out there, no-one is going to knock on the door. Best thing I did for instant friends is volunteering, everyone is in the same boat working together. Another good one is activity groups, made some great friends at choir

SwedishSayna · 19/06/2025 12:42

@RedBeech this is such a wise and moving response. Hope it helps the OP too.

Swipe left for the next trending thread