I don’t have any friends

[Maximusdecimus]

I’m 49 years old. I don’t have any friends. I’m so lonely. I’m married and my husband has a few mates but since we got married they seem to have dropped him. We sit in every single weekend. I did have a couple of friends, and then recently I’ve suggested getting together and have been met with silence so wondering whether just to leave the WhatsApp group. One of them is getting married soon so think I’m not going to be invited even though they came to my wedding and so I’m being quietly dropped.

I don’t speak to anyone no one checks in on me. I feel so sad. I just need to vent on here really. I would love a friend.

Friends are over rated.

You don’t have to be a ‘clubby type of person’, but what do you think you bring to a friendship at the moment? Suppose you’re sitting talking to a new friend over a drink or a cup of coffee — what are you talking about? Friendship is a two-way process, not just someone to stop you being bored. What kind of people do you like? What would someone meeting you for the first time like about you that would make them want to be see you again?

You've read a bit more into my reply than perhaps there is. It does depend on if you like walking/climbing/farming organisations of you're rural. Some of us live several hours from a city, too. Meetup is extremely minimal where I live.

Book club? exercise class? do a short course in the evening? volunteering?

I’ve never said I can’t be arsed to drive anywhere. I’m really happy to drive to meet people etc.

Today I’ve put into volunteer for a charity that is about an hour from me. I’ve also set my parameters for meet ups slightly wider and have found a couple of groups.

I also joined stand in pride as well to help support / act as a surrogate mum to the community. So I am trying.

Im not expecting anything from this post except to vent really.

Hi OP, companionship is so vital to our health and wellbeing. I would echo the advice of other posters about maybe starting with your husband first and finding ways to re-ignite the spark of friendship you have with him. Maybe thinking back to when you were first together and the kinds of things you did and places you visited for fun? Is there something that interests you both you could give a go, like an evening class? Or just something like a summer event in your local area? You never know you might meet a new friend or friendly couple right on your doorstep! I’d be tempted to pop along to some local summer events (fetes, food festival, fundraisers, pub quiz etc) and just relax, go with the flow and be social. Even if you just come away having had a nice time together it’s a win :)

One thing I think has made a difference to me making friends in adulthood has been being more relaxed around people, I think having DC has helped that (from the parenthood shared common ground probably)

Time to hit your local facebook pages. Look for film clubs, art societies, dining clubs in your area.

What do you do for exercise? A walking club or a local netball club. Or take up something new.

I had shooting lessone, I learned to shoot clays and had a blast. Your dh might like that too. I found a club that specialised in teaching ladies and it was great fun. Or if you want something gentle, local parkrun? Or join a choir - very sociable.

There are so many things to do. Residents association? Parish council? Start small and see where you get to. 🙂