Lazy DH … finally getting to the end of my rope!

[Missuswalker]

So I’ve kinda known my other half’s penchant is for doing as little as possible, despite protestations otherwise, for a number of years, but this last week it’s really pissed me off.

I work an office job full time. We have paid for a taxi driver licence for him, and basically he can work as and when he wants for a local company, keeping 50% of all his jobs revenue (cash or card).

Last week he knew I was getting paid Thursday/Friday a significant amount of money, so basically he hasn’t worked for the last week (since Monday morning last week) and laid in bed since! Barely lifted a finger.

We don’t have any money left as he’s spent it all, and no food in the fridge and I really could do with him working today. But he’s saying his ‘head is spinning’ and he needs another day, before maybe returning tomorrow taxi driving tomorrow! Is this depression or laziness?

He knows I’m annoyed, and currently switching of trying to shower me with affection to try and get round me, or be defensive / angry that I’m questioning him ‘having a rest’! Wtf do I do?

How has he spent all your money if he has barely gotten out of bed? Sorry, I realise that wans't what you were asking.

He seems plain lazy to me, is there any sign that he may be depressed? He needs a serious kick up the arse to get himself into gear otherwise I would be looking to end the relationship.

What signs of depression has he ever shown, and if there are any, what's he indicated he is willing to do about it? See his GP for one thing?

How financially tied to him are you? Do you have a mortgage or joint house lease, or children?

Takeaways, dinner out (he went out Friday night with me for the first time in months), he went out and got his hair cut Friday and tobacco while I was at work … it’s literally doing my head in. My parents realise situation and have been critical for a while but this week I’ve kind of realised they have a point.

Luckily we don’t have major overheads / living expenses.

I tried to point out that if he worked last week when we had money arriving, it would last longer if he was working at the same time, but I just got shouted at for not being sympathetic to his needs for a break now and then …

No financial ties, and he hasn’t been to GP

So... you are earning all the money, making all the effort and he's lying aroudn in bed doing fuck all?

A man like that could be all affectionate with me all he wanted.... none of ti would make me feel in the slightest bit better. why on earth are you even with him?

Do not give him access to your money. And get rid of his lazy arse.

I'd be giving him an ultimatum. If you are stressed and depressed go and see the GP if not get your lazy ass to work. Same as everyone else you work hard and then you take your rest days and then it starts all over again. You don't just lie in bed all week because your partner has got paid.

Unless he has significant mental health issues you should leave him, especially if you want to have children. He’s lazy and entitled, will bleed you dry and be a terrible dad.

You have yourself a great crested cocklodger. Not worth keeping.

This. Get rid.

Are you renting together or is he living in your property? How do you usually split the rent/bills etc?

I have to say I agree with your parents! this situation can't continue.

Are you actually married? And are you renting or do you own your home? And how is he spending your money?
Id open up a separate account for your wages, leaving the absolute minimum in any joint account. If there’s no money for food, go visit your parents ( without him). If he’s not got access to your wages, he’ll probably get out of bed.
As for funding his tobacco habit, absolutely not.
I
He doesn’t sound like a keeper.

Thanks all for your input.

What’s reassuring to some extent is that ‘similar threads’ comes up further down the page and it seems familiar to a lot of people.

His ‘rest’ is over 😂

If he wants to be treated with sympathy then he needs a diagnosis and treatment plan from a doctor
otherwise he’s a lazy shit bag

Yes I agree with above poster cut off his access to your money , tell him he needs to give you xxxx amount a month for bills and food and if he wants to earn more for his personal extras he earns it

no way does he get to spend your money

Separate finances asap and do not give him any.

The trouble with being a taxi driver (or self employed in general), is that you have to be disciplined to actually get up off your arse and put the hours in.
I have/had various taxi drivers in my family and they ranged from working all the hours under the sun and working as little as they could get away with!
He doesn’t get to choose to just sit on his arse because he knows you’re bringing the money in!

He sounds beyond lazy but you know this, your parents know this and he knows this. He's not going to change.

For a start you need to protect your own wages .... no joint accounts, you need your own account that he doesn't have access to so he can't fritter it away on shit like that whilst he lays in bed. God I'd be raging OP.

We're lucky that we're not short of money and DH has been working less .. even that winds me up for some reason.

It doesn't sound like you have children together so run for the hills ! Imagine having this lazy man as a father, like having another child to take care of.

Being depressed doesn't mean you're not also lazy. He's lazy.

I would find this really unattractive. Not just the laziness as such but the lack of a future vision. Doesn't he want to save towards nice things in future (eg a holiday) or just a savings cushion in case things go wrong? Or does he rely on you to pay for that kind of thing?

You make it so uncomfortable at home that he gets to work for a break.

He needs to do a 35 hour week, or else realise that he’s not cut out for doing a job that requires him to go out and look for work every day!

It's ridiculous that a lazy man is going to work freelance. It's obvious to anyone he will do as little work as possible.

Are you tied to this man apart from through marriage, OP? Do you have a house together or children? If not I'd be gone.